Is It Normal To Feel Terrified?

[Guest mary/jason]

Not terrified in the sense I'm afraid something bad is going to happen, just terrified about how things are going to work out. It's not exactly doubt because I'm aware I want to be a guy. It's just that the more people I tell, the more real it gets. And although I don't want to be seen as a female...it's sort of all i've ever known. I guess i'm just scared that when I transition i'll be so unused to it i'll regret it somehow. Is that something thats normal? Just like, anxiety over the unknown type thing? Cause it really feels like discomfort, very similar to dysphoria only in regard to transitioning as opposed to not transitioning. I'm gonna assume this isn't really gonna go away until I legit start T or something and figure it out for myself. Maybe its just anxiety over possibly transitioning sooner than i'm mentally prepared to? (im still very much a young boy at this stage)

feedback would be appreciated.

oh and i came out to my friends at home and so far 3 are supportive so thats what provoked this.

[Guest seanjamie]

Well it's good to hear things went well with your friends .

And no I don't think what your going through is unusual - the sheer anxiety over what is to come gets on top of me at times too.

When your having more people getting to know about you it feels like everything is becoming so much more real, i guess it's kinda like when it is just you, you can deny whats going on til forever but once its out there it can't be taken back.

Just want you to know - it does go away and you will start to get used to others knowing how you feel

I hope you feel better soon,

~Sean

[Guest Audrey Elizabeth]

Baby steps!!!

That is the way I have been handling it. You do not have to change overnight, and you do not have to tell everyone you know right now. Do things when you are ready.

I feel the same way as you, and reading other post it sounds like we are not alone. I think the scariest part about the whole transitioning is telling people. I think that is because there is no going back. You are exposed and if you get a negative reaction what are you going to do? Tell them that you were just joking?

I came out to my wife some time back, and at that moment it was awful. I felt stupid and thought to myself, what am I doing? But since then I have felt stronger and more committed to being me, and that has given me a certain peace that I am not sure I fully recognize. I hope you are getting that feeling too.

I am still afraid to come out to other people in my life, especially at work, but I will when I am ready.

You may be scared but it sounds like you are doing just fine.

Audrey

[Paula ult]

I have gone the opposite direction, but i did not tell anyone other than my doctors, therapist and laser tech till after i had been on hrt awhile and the changes were apparent, even then i told people in steps, first family then friends and my bowling leagues and finally work, this was done over a six month period, everyone is different and you have to do what you feel is best for you.

I think we are all terrified coming out to others, and we should be, many lose family, friends, jobs etc, but i can tell you each time it gets easier but the terror as to what the persons reaction will be is still there, i do not know of many who have transitioned that have not lost something along the way, i lost some extended family and a few friends, but in the end i am happy and have lots more new friends that more than make up for the ones i lost.

Paula

[JJ]

While I know beyond any doubt that living as a man is something I have to do, am terrified too. Not about coming out, or the reactions of others but because I am going into unfamiliar territory. I struggled so hard but never quite succeeded in learning how to live as a woman that I fear the same as a man. I fear not knowing the code so to speak. It feels like jumping off a cliff in the dark to avoid the monster behind you. You may believe that you will land well and everything will begin to be as it should but that primal fear is still there.

I believe that the truth is we were born with the code and that has been the problem all along. It was the wrong code for our assigned gender but the right one for our true gender. That we will feel right and find our place.

There is no set definition of how to be a guy. We don't pass or fail by some stereotype. I won't transform my mind and heart with my body. I will just be comfortable with who I am. And find other men who are the same kind of men in terms of values. If I had been natal I would not have felt comfortable or enjoyed the company of red=neck or super macho males. I would have disliked the crude jocks just as my ancestors (who by the way were football players and warrior types but not jocks with it) who were male did. I'm not leaving one pretense for another. The spectrum out there is actually unlimited with people everywhere on it. I'll find where I fit.

But scared. Very. I think in a way it would be crazy or foolish not to be

[Guest mary/jason]

it really is just sort of taking those first couple of steps. hopefully once im completely out itll get a lot easier to be secure in my masculinity. thanks guys (and ladies)!

madison

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Late reply - sorry

YES, it's typical. I just had a conversation with my therapist on mourning the loss of the old me. She explained that in her experience (and she has treated at least a hundred transpeople) is that our true personality rmains consistant. That what we are is what we are and thst is why we have the dysphoria.

I have essentially moved out of my male life into my female life. There are some things 'male' that I gust don't have access to, such as my body strength. I don't exactly miss it but there are times when I need it now, and its just gone.

YET

I have found myself. The trade off is 1 to 1000 - and is so worth it. Being a 'guy' was all I knew for 61 years. But that is over, and frankly, I am so much better now.

BUT

Transitioning terrified me and thrilled me at the same time, especially when I started HRT.

I hope this helps.

Lizzy