This Is Going To Be Tough...

[Guest ametur_poet]

I already posted most of my story of gender uncertainty in my introduction thread ( http://www.lauras-playground.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=29138 ), but there are still a few more things I need to talk about. I remembered something else about my childhood right after I posted the thread; I honestly can't believe I forgot about it. I remember that approximately from the ages 11 to 14, I prayed to God every night to make me a girl. I didn't know what transgenderism was for most of that time, so I think it is important to mention. I was not terribly concerned about it, but it was always on my mind. But, that is not the main thing I want to talk about, but I'll get to that. I summoned up the courage to tell my mom about it, who helped me schedule a meeting with a therapist (general therapist, not specializing in gender issues), but I am afraid that she thinks it is more an issue of "curing" me, rather than allowing me to understand my situation. As I said in my introduction thread, my mother doesn't believe that transgenderism exists, that it is blasphemous against God. I am very scared over what this could mean; I fear that if I am transgendered, then my feelings could be repressed even further. But, maybe I am just being paranoid; I don't know. Don't even get me started on my father. The topic of transsexuality came up in an episode of a television show tonight, and he continually made remarks about the transsexual in the episode of a "sweetheart" and "pole-smoker", among other things. If I do end up being diagnosed with gender dysphoria, then the scariest part will be telling him. I am terrified as to how he will react. Going back to my mother, I have peripherally tried to debate with her about Christianity and transsexuality, but every debate ends with the same argument from her: "That is just Satan trying to deceive people." Yes, it is a cop-out, and a last resort-esque argument, but honestly, it is a hard one to refute on equal terms of debate, and it is an argument I would like to win morally. That would be the major obstacle in talking about this with my mother. How have all of you dealt with this retort when you encounter it? If you had a parent that was specifically hostile to transsexuality, how did you break the news to them? I am aware that I will eventually have to make these decisions for myself, but I am just interested in what all of you have done in this situation, so I can get some ideas as to how to go about it. Then again, I am not even sure if I have gender dysphoria; I have yet to go to my first therapy session, but I have been getting a progressively clearer understanding of myself in the last few weeks, so I think it is safe to say that there is a good chance that I am transgendered.

[Guest ametur_poet]

Whoops, didn't realize the forum censored certain words. Obviously, he didn't say "Sweetheart", but something far more derogatory.

[Carolyn Marie]

Trying to argue in any kind of logical way with someone who believes Satan controls us is probably going to result in a lot of frustration, yelling, accusing,

and not much else. My suggestion is that you don't try to debate the bible with your mom. You can point her towards some of the scientific research that has

come up in recent years, a lot of it mentioned in the forums, that tends to prove a genetic and certainly physical cause for transsexualism. Unfortunately, she

will probably dismiss such research as the Devil's doing anyway.

There are members from religious families who can offer more specifics than I can, but perhaps just sticking with the practical is your best bet, and stay away

from religion. Explain that your dysphoria is making you depressed, and causing you to suffer, and ask her to let you see a therapist who actually knows something

about dysphoria and can help you. Motherly guilt might get her to relent, if her child is in emotional pain.

I wish you luck.

Carolyn Marie

[Guest Elizabeth K]

How have all of you dealt with this retort when you encounter it?

My sisters are essentially like your mother. Transsexualism does not exist. Therapist do the devil's work... that sort of propaganda. I suspect they are fed this by fundamentalist preachers, as part of the 'homophobia' that seems to permeate the minds of those who consider themselves 'superior' to everyone.

Admit it. Anyone who personally knows God's Will... and can instruct the unwashed masses as to how to live their lives without sin... isn't that a superior person?

I know the Bible as well as my sisters do, so we squared off at 50 paces and hurdled scripture at each other... like lightening bolts in an Anime face-off. PZOWEEEW - zap - sizzle

So we settled in to some sort of GODlovesyou but youaregoingtohell (their side) GODforgivethem and maytheyseetheerror of theirways (my side)... COMPROMISE.

They smiled, held my hand, got into their car and left. The promptly went home and called up everyone they could think of and 'outed' me. FORTUNATELY, I had already talked with the people who counted, but it was a terribly dangerous thing for them to do to me. I still don't understand.

Perhaps they hoped GOD would motivate some 'sainted redneck' to set a burning cross in my yard, or throw a 'sacred brick' through my window.

...........................

The point?

You probably can't win with your mother, right now. People who are naive enough to trust a 'mortal man' to tell them God's Will, are so lost to common sense and wisdom. So pray for your mother and ask for a miracle.

What you are is okay. God made you like you are for a purpose, so work on figuring that out! Your mother has her own peace to make with the Creator.

My opinion of course, and you do understand I am going to hell.

I hope this helps.

Lizzy

[Guest ametur_poet]

I will continue to talk to my mother about this; I hope eventually, she will change her mind. My dad, on the other hand, will be much more difficult. One thing that I find interesting, though, is that even though my parents are opposed to all kinds of LGBT sexualities, the Christian school that I attend does not. About 4 days ago, I prayed to God for a while, asking Him for a sign about whether transgenderism is a sin or not, and the next day, the once-a-week chapel service that my school holds talked about accepting people of other sexualities. That was about as clear of a sign as I could have hoped for. I certainly feel like I am closer to God now, and I think that He is helping me through this process of self-discovery.

Once again, I thank all of you for being so supportive. This is easily the kindest, gentlest, and most loving forum I have had the pleasure to be a part of.

- Christopher Christina