Coming Out To My Brother

[JenniferB]

This is the last relative I have to come out to. I'm not sure how he is going to take it. Nevertheless it has to be done sooner or later. So I might as well get it over with. Here is what I am saying and would like input before I send the e-mail.

...

And now for the most shocking news that I've been afraid to tell you because I'm not sure how you will take it. It's something both our sisters know. Plus my fellow employees at work and from Xerox knows. So do the managers on up the chain. The fact is I am transgender.

I honestly wanted to spare you from this revelation. I didn't want to hurt anybody, but without transitioning my life would probably be over in the next 5 years. Becoming transsexual isn't an easy process. You can't just start taking hormones. You have to start by making an appointment with a gender therapist. And then they have to give a recommendation letter to an endocrinologist or a general practitioner who knows about endocrinology. Anyway I changed gender therapists because the first one would have given me the recommendation letter whenever I asked. My electrologist (one who kills body hair, specifically the face for trans people). gave me information about a gender therapist with a good reputation with the local transgender community. She is an older woman close to retirement and is a psychologist with a PhD. I had sessions with her for six months before she diagnosed me with gender identity disorder. She is also the one who found out I was bi-polar.

I would not wish transsexualism on even my worst enemy. We are by far the most discriminated group in the country. 97% are harassed at work. Our unemployment is over double the national average. Here is a survery conducted at the end of 2009. http://transequality.org/Resources/NCTE_prelim_survey_econ.pdf

It's unbelievable the challenges we face. I'm used to the stares and laughter I receive on a constant basis. The only part that scares me are the number of people who have irrational hatred that makes no sense. Some hate just because we are different. Some because they feel we are contagious. Well at least I'm a member of the Tucson transgender support group. Plus I am a volunteer at Laura's Playground http://www.lauras-playground.com/ . This is a suicide prevention/support site that specializes in transgender teens who feel like they are going through puberty as the wrong gender.

Well now you all the information about me. If this affects or relationship so be it. I won't turn back now. I actually feel happier than I can remember.

Jenny

[JJ]

Jenny it's a good letter but I do have a couple of suggestions or questions. First is he familiar with what bring transgendered is? Because your letter talks specific things you are doing and have done but doesn't explain why and what this really is or means for us.

Also I'd move the part about everybody you have told already further down in the letter. Being told he is virtually the last to know probably isn't going to make him feel better or more accepting. Perhaps if you approach it as having told these people and they are supportive so he doesn't need to worry about you it would be easier for him to hear how far down the list he is.

Just my take on things. All the best in telling him.

Love & Hugs

John

[JenniferB]

Revised Letter

And now for the most shocking news that I've been afraid to tell you because I'm not sure how you will take it.I am transgender.

What is it to be transgender? It's where a person feels different than what is accepted is society. That is you are either a male or female. Being different than these binary definitions makes you transgender. I'm a transsexual. This is a feeling you are in the wrong body. I was born a genetic male but feel I should have been born a female, so I am going through transition to correct this. The technical definition is "gender identity disorder" and the feeling of being in the wrong body is gender dysphoria.

I honestly wanted to spare you from this revelation. I didn't want to hurt anybody, but without transitioning my life would probably be over in the next 5 years. Becoming transsexual isn't an easy process. You can't just start taking hormones. You have to start by making an appointment with a gender therapist. And then they have to give a recommendation letter to an endocrinologist or a general practitioner who knows about endocrinology. Anyway I changed gender therapists because the first one would have given me the recommendation letter whenever I asked. My electrologist (one who deals with hair removal, specifically the face for MtF transexxuals). gave me information about a gender therapist with a good reputation with the local transgender community. She is an older woman close to retirement and is a psychologist with a PhD. I had sessions with her for six months before she diagnosed me with gender identity disorder. She is also the one who found out I was bi-polar.

I would not wish transsexualism on even my worst enemy. We are by far the most discriminated group in the country. 97% are harassed at work. Our unemployment is over double the national average. Here is a survery conducted at the end of 2009. http://transequality.org/Resources/NCTE_prelim_survey_econ.pdf

It's unbelievable the challenges we face. I'm used to the stares and laughter I receive on a constant basis. The only part that scares me are the number of people who have irrational hatred that makes no sense. Some hate just because we are different. Some because they feel we are contagious. Well at least I'm a member of the Tucson transgender support group. Plus I am a volunteer at Laura's Playground http://www.lauras-playground.com/ . This is a suicide prevention/support site that specializes in transgender teens who feel like they are going through puberty as the wrong gender.

BTW our sisters know and have been supportive. Also all my co-workers know and all employees in Tucson. Plus management up the chain. I even received a paid day off while there were staff meetings from HR explaining who I was. They did it on a Friday to where employees had the weekend to digest it. I haven't been harassed once and everyone I've run into has treated me like nothing changed.

Well now you all the information about me. If this affects or relationship so be it. I can't turn back now. I actually feel happier than I can remember. No matter your reaction I still love and miss you brother.

Jenny

[JJ]

Jenny I think that letter will work better for him. It puts things in the order he is more likely to think of themm and doesn't sound like he's the last to know.

Very good.

Hugs

John

[JenniferB]

Just heard from my brother. Unbelievable! After the bad news I received last week, my brother is the most open of all. He used to be very close minded but has changed his ways. He said he thought I was gay. He is really happy for me, understands about being transgender when born, and says we all are entitled to the "pursuit of happiness". He's actually glad for the path I've chosen as long as it makes me happy. He doesn't even care who I am, he is actually in joy he found me. He is really a true Christian. I wish more people were like him. He even asked me if I want to be called Jenny. He's even happy that I'm a volunteer here. He says service to others is very important.

And to think I was afraid to tell him. Now my brother and sisters know. All are accepting who I am. Now I'm feeling really happy and all the people I care about support me. I wish I would have told him long before. I just can't believe he is not judgmental at all. I am truly blessed to have such caring siblings. I think I'm going to cry.

Jenny

[JJ]

You are certainly entitled to tears of joy Jenny. It is wonderful news and it makes such a difference knowing those we care about accept and even support us. It looks like you will actually have a closer more understanding relationship now.

I am very happy for you!

Love

John

[Guest TracieV3]

Just heard from my brother. Unbelievable! After the bad news I received last week, my brother is the most open of all. He used to be very close minded but has changed his ways. He said he thought I was gay. He is really happy for me, understands about being transgender when born, and says we all are entitled to the "pursuit of happiness". He's actually glad for the path I've chosen as long as it makes me happy. He doesn't even care who I am, he is actually in joy he found me. He is really a true Christian. I wish more people were like him. He even asked me if I want to be called Jenny. He's even happy that I'm a volunteer here. He says service to others is very important.

And to think I was afraid to tell him. Now my brother and sisters know. All are accepting who I am. Now I'm feeling really happy and all the people I care about support me. I wish I would have told him long before. I just can't believe he is not judgmental at all. I am truly blessed to have such caring siblings. I think I'm going to cry.

Jenny

I am glad your family accepts you. That will make things far easier on you.

Tracie