Just Sent My Dad An Email On Facebook

[Guest tiffany_marie]

on Wednesday.

Initially sent him an email asking if he worked that day and telling him that I needed to talk to him and my younger sister about something major... but owed it to both of them to do so in person and not via facebook email.

He replied back literally no more than a minute or two again saying that he's off and I replied back saying I will be there at some point.

Basically there's no turning back now.... Wednesday is it, otherwise he's going to wonder what I was alluding to.

It's the day I tell my last two immediate family members and the ones I've feared talking to the most, my near 16 year old sister and more importantly my father.

Wish me luck, I'm nervous as hell... though at least my dad is a open minded person, as is my sister.... I'm lucky in the sense that my family isn't overly conservative or overly religious, not that there's anything inherently wrong with either one.. just feel they tend to make people less likely to be accepting.

This is nerve wrecking to say the very least. Wish my mother was still around, as telling her first and having her be there to help with my dad would make things easier.. Gosh darned cancer.

All in all must remain optimistic and hope I'm not giving my dad too much credit, in feeling in my heart that he will accept me for being me.

[Guest Donna Jean]

.

Honey.......

I'm sending good vibes your way for that talk......

You might just be surprised at how it goes.....

Keep your chin up and go for it....

BEST OF LUCK, HONEY!

huggs

Donna Jean

[Guest tiffany_marie]

Thank you Donna, actually did it a night earlier than planned, as I was feeling brave.

Went great! My little sister was very quiet.... likely trying to take it all in and not knowing what to say. Don't blame her, this is a huge thing to be told about.

My dad on the other hand said that he loved and accepted me no matter what and that he will always be there.

He said that while it was definitely a shock, he was actually somewhat relieved because when I told him I had something important to talk to him about, he had in the back of his mind that I was going to tell him that I had some chronic disease or something.

All in all couldn't have went better, still batting a perfect 1000!

My dad did say that there are going to be non immediate family members who aren't likely to accept and I simply told him that I can't worry about that. My entire immediate family now knows and is fully supportive, as are my closest friends.

He simply replied back that he agrees with me and that I have to be true to myself, regardless of what certain people might think.

Was awesome and I feel privileged to have such a great and supportive group of family and friends, going to make this difficult journey that much less difficult.

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Oh so good!

GRAND!

Lizzy

[Guest Donna Jean]

.

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

I KNEW it!

wonderful!

Donna Jean

[Guest Mina89]

I didn't want to comment on this before you did it because I was afraid that I would jinx it.

I remember that terror, only I did it with each parent and my brother individually. It worked out fine for the latter, painfully ambiguous for the former.

But you got it done (and quickly!) and the fact that it turned out well is just gravy!

-Valerie

[JJ]

Fantastic! Wonderful! Splendid!

I am so happy for you that it turned out so well. You are a lucky lady

Hugs

John

[Paula ult]

Tiffany, how wonderful your whole immediate family is supportive, you now have a good support network, i think face to face is best if possible.

If your extended family is like mine they are scattered around the country and i rarely see them, i know some are not supportive, but it is their problem not mine.

Paula

[Guest Lacey Lynne]

Tiffany:

ROCK THE HOUSE, BABES !!!

You've got your immediate family there that is on board. You've got your virtual family here that is on board. Awesome, hon ... just awesome!

Lacey Lynne

Postscript:

The Peoples' Republic of Portland awaits you!

For a visit if not a residence. Your choice.

[Guest tiffany_marie]

Thanks to everyone, it means a lot!

I do feel as noted by Valerie, that I got this done rather quickly and for that I'm fairly proud of myself.

The people's republic of Portland.... ahhhh still the place I hope to ultimately end up, the job market there scares me more than a little, especially not being a college grad.. but not enough to forbid a possible move.

Still haven't ruled out a transfer, as Hannah on Susan's suggested. Not overly keen on working in such a public field as I first start to take on this journey, but will do what I have to do.

Happiness ultimately trumps all and any challenges, no matter how hard they may be are worth overcoming to achieve it.

I'm seriously contemplating living beneath my means for awhile, right now I make around 30,000 dollars a year which isn't a lot by any means.. but pretty decent for Joplin, Mo (one of the lowest costs of living around)

I figure that once my lease is up here, if I move into the cheapest studio apartment I can possibly find.... should be able to put back around 800 to 1000 dollars a month easily and within six months to a year have enough for things like a trachea shave and potentially anything else I feel I might need in terms of Facial Femininzation surgery.. The trachea shave is the only thing I 'know' that I want, not sure I even need anything else.

The important thing is that I'm thinking things through and trying to come up with a plan. Things will work out! The old constantly depressed sham of myself, would have never said something like that.

[Guest Doodlen]

I'm so glad to hear it went well, congrats!

[Guest tiffany_marie]

Just as an update of sorts... haven't really talked to my dad since I confided in him, hope everything is still well.. have no reason to doubt that it is.

I sent him the following email on facebook shortly after I went to his house and talked to him about things.

Well initially sent him another email.. thanking him for his support more or less, that he didn't respond to... but he also doesn't get online much.. so that might have a lot to do with it, anyway.. the email I sent after noticing no response for over a week:

I hope that your lack of a response doesn't mean that things are overly awkward for you.. granted awkwardness is natural.

I figure it's possible that you've just simply not been online.

Let it be known that I don't want anything to change between us, I love you will all my heart and always will.

Neither you nor mom did anything wrong... I simply had the 'luck' of being born transsexual.

While in many ways I wish I had been brave enough to talk about this with you both as a teen, assuming you and mom would've been accepting... would have made things a lot easier.... could have seen a gender therapist... he/she could have confirmed my feelings and started hormone blockers and estrogen as a teen and things like passing would have been infinitely easier.

I know of girls that have followed that path and they are virtually indistinguishable from 'genetic' girls.

Alas can't change the past, plus I'm still young enough that hormones should make a substantial difference.

I hope you understand that I don't want to make things uncomfortable for you, nor anyone else in the family.

I have given this years of thought and suffered through years of suppression to arrive at this point.

Your love and support (even though you can't possibly understand... and for the record I will send info your way to help you understand if you like) means the absolute world to me.

I know of girls going through similar situations that don't have the love and support of their family and I couldn't imagine how hard that must be, it's hard enough with the support of immediate family and friends.

Don't really now what else to say, but just to reiterate I love you.. and I am truly sorry for putting you through such a life changing situation.

I'm having to fight the urge to cry as I type, because I know that even though you... and everyone else to this point has been supportive, this has to be a major shock and I don't want to hurt any of you.

Ahh screw it I am crying, because this whole 'upcoming transition' is hard enough, but the mere thought that I may have in any way shape or form hurt you is even harder.

I promise it was never my intention, while truth be told I wasn't sure this was my path until the last month or two... I've had an inkling that it was a distinct possibility since my earliest of teens and put off things like therapy, because I didn't want to hurt those closest to me and you are obviously at the top of that list.

Just in the end have to be myself and I hope you will find it in your heart to try to understand. I'm the same person.. male or female... only embracing who I was always meant to be, will make me infinitely happier.

[Guest JaniceW]

Tiffany,

What a beautiful letter! You had me crying. That letter got your point across and it was supportive of your father at the same time. I can't imagine how he could read that letter and not be touched by your love and admiration of him.

[Guest tiffany_marie]

His reply

I thought I did reply. Sorry. Joe, I will always love you no matter what. It is a shock but life is full of shocks and surprises. Bottom line is I want you happy. it has been difficult through the years watching you deal with depression and seeing you so unhappy. I found myself worrying so much that you were going to do something drastic. I went through that with my brother and I saw so much of him in you. It is difficult as a parent to see your child suffering and wishing it were yourself instead of them. I can't begin to understand what you are going through and never will. My responsibility is to be here when you need me, to love you unconditionally, and to offer whatever support I can. You will always have that from me.

My dad is the best!

Note he does mention my boy name on there, but that's simply because I've not really shared my chosen name with very many people yet.. went through a rush where I was confiding in people left and right and decided to slow things down just a bit in term of sharing my name and expecting people to use female pronouns.

[Guest JaniceW]

Tiffany,

That is absolutely great!!!!!!

I can't think of anything he could have said that would have been more important to you right now, that shows he really truly loves you adn recognizes that this is what you must do. And he told you you have his love no matter what happens!

Girl you better be floating on cloud 9 right now and stay there for a few days because that letter is the bomb!

[Guest indiefem]

That is fantastic Tiffany, I am soooo happy for you! Your father's reaction is EXACTLY what any loving parent should say, they will love you and support you no matter what. He knows you are not hurting yourself but that you are in the infinite struggle to be happy and free. That is nothing different than any other human has had to face. Your path just happens to be one of gender acceptance, both in yourself and by other people. To me, that may be one of the toughest challenges any human can ever face. Cheers to you dear!

Lots of love and good vibes for you! Be at peace and be happy!

[Guest Lacey Lynne]

Tiffany:

Kudos to pops, honey, and kudos to YOU! Rock the house! Your dad is DA MAN ... and, most assuredly, is a resplendid credit to HIS gender. Your post made my day to the max. Heck, hon, this wonderful post of yours even got this way-battle-hardened way-older-gal to smile and nod in total agreement and assent.

Tiffany, hon, does his response give you peace of mind, or what? Of course it does! In honor of that, let there be song and celebration. Stoke it up with Tom Stoltz, Brad Delp and the gang with a slammin' tune from back in The Day. Peace out!

Dang, what an awesome post! Thanks for posting it! Rock on!

Peace & Happiness Lacey Lynne

[Guest tiffany_marie]

Thanks to you both.

I love my family I truly do, I am blessed to have the family that I have.

My dad... what a wonderful wonderful man. I sent him a final reply on facebook simply thanking him and letting him know he's the best and how fortunate I am to have him as a father. He means the world to me.

My only regret is that my mother is no longer around, miss her everyday... she passed away in early 2001?!? Sorry was a very tough thing to deal with so blocked out the exact time frame but hey cancer sucks. I hope she would be proud of me for being true to myself and I think that she would.

I'm disappointed that I'll never be able to experience a mother/daughter relationship that I was robbed... but that's okay... well it's not, but I'll make due.

I mentioned earlier how I hope that she would be proud of me, I know that she would!

Love you mom!

[Guest tiffany_marie]

Thank you for your support Lacey my dear friend!

It does indeed give me peace of mind.

Love the tune, haven't heard it in years!

My dad is the man!