Why Is It So Scary To Be In The Men's Room?

[Guest PaintedWingss]

Okay, so I have yet to step into the men's public bathrooms, even though I'm trying to pass as a guy. I've read many articles on restroom etiquette and whatnot, but it still sort of scares me to try. I don't have a STP device yet, so I'll have to use stalls. Anyone else get this or have any advice on the topic of getting the guts to do this?

-Taylor

[Guest Elizabeth K]

A long long time ago, in a universe far away, I was a dude using the

MENS ROOM

(eerie music in the background)

Hints:

Go in, do you business, leave. Don't look to either side. Do not acknowledge ANYONE.

Washing your hands is optional. Don't use a dryer, wipe your hands on your pants.

In the stall, just wipe the pee off the seat and do your business. You can shower when you get home.

Farting is allowed, and actually adds ambiance to the situation.

NEVER SMILE! Grunt

Never look at the shoes in the next stall, could be a Senator or a Representative. And they lie, saying you initiated the sexual advance.

NEVER ever use roadside rest stop bathroom stalls!

GET that STP as soon as you can! So you can pee like a guy and dribble on your shoes.

I hope this helps

[bLUSHING] Lizzy

[Guest Colm]

I think you've just got to do it (and then do it again, and then do it again). I've been stealth since 2007, and this is the first year in which I haven't really thought much about using the public jacks.

Specific advice? Try less-used ones at first, they're less intimidating than the massive crowded ones.

[Guest MelissaC]

As much as Lizzy's advice made me laugh, a lot of it is actually pretty good.

When you go in, you should pretty much be prepared to talk to nobody and have nobody talk to you, or interact with you in any way. Most guys don't even seem to want to look at each other in there, so keeping your head down is actually a pretty normal thing that nobody would givce a second thought to. Since I'm still living in guy mode for now that's actually what I do to hide my discomfort at not belonging in there; head down, no eye contact.

-Melissa

[Guest DawnK]

I think this video will answer all your questions.

After watching it, I think you'll see that no one is going to bother with looking at you. That sense of being watched is all in your head.

And remember, only two shakes to a customer, anymore than that is playing.

[Guest Deena]

Because men are pigs dear. : )

[Guest PaintedWingss]

That video made me laugh. CX Either way, I'm afraid that I'm going to do something wrong, using the women's room all my life.

[Guest DravenFoxx]

i totally getcha there dude, it freaks me out to use the mens room. to the point that if im out for the day i minimize fluid intake to lessen the bladder popping feeling from being to stubborn to use the womens and to scared to use the mens lol ive done it a few times, and really i got a goofy look one time but no one says anything. i think its just one of those things where if your in there not freaking out than you must be in the right place you know? i think really its about time for me to man up and start using the mens room full time. i have children asking their moms why "theres a boy in here" when i do use the womens room. i guess the only thing you can do is just do it.

[Guest seanjamie]

It is a scary thing I mean ... having been used to the womens rooms your whole life its an entirely different environment, try not to worry it should get easier well that is what I'm telling myself. I've used the disabled sometimes when its free and there is no one who needs it physically waiting ( I wouldn't want to make a disabled person wait) ... maybe try that for a bit if you really feel too ill at ease using the mens as I know alot of young guys also avoid the actual mens toilets this way... that is mainly for cleanliness.

[Guest Aaron T.]

That video explains a lot!...it literally does.... ;-)

Thanks for posting. Very helpful.

[Guest ShortyT]

Because men are pigs dear. : )

Why, thank you.

[Guest ShortyT]

Okay, so I have yet to step into the men's public bathrooms, even though I'm trying to pass as a guy. I've read many articles on restroom etiquette and whatnot, but it still sort of scares me to try. I don't have a STP device yet, so I'll have to use stalls. Anyone else get this or have any advice on the topic of getting the guts to do this?

-Taylor

I have scoped out the bathrooms in town that are unisex or small and used as often as others, and usually stick to them. I get nervous as hell with the larger and more frequently used bathrooms, but like the others I just walk in, grab a stall, do my stuff, wash hands, leave. If someone looks at me twice, I wouldn't know since I never look at them. Also, an STP is not in my future, I much prefer the stalls for privacy anyways. Many cis guys do too.

[Flint]

Because men are pigs dear. : )

Oink.

I was never gonna show a photo of myself on here. But I figured the time was right

[Remus]

Because men are pigs dear. : )

Cute minipigs, yes? Yes?

I was never gonna show a photo of myself on here. But I figured the time was right.

That, Matthias, is hot. Particularly love what you've done with your hair.

Don't use a dryer, wipe your hands on your pants.

Mum *always* tells me off for that! Seriously, it's water, and they're jeans, I'll cope. But even when I was little I thought it so much easier to do that than wait at the dryer things (which half the time don't work anyway), so I've always done that, and always either get a grand old scolding, or just a death glare, be it on the way out or still in the midst of the other women in the loo. Pft. Jeans are more environmentally-friendly anyway.

With the video, it says in the Urinal Selection part that the loo has reached critical mass on three urinals being taken and that under no circumstances should two adjacent urinals be in use at the same time, but then the next shot shows all of them in use. So is it OK??

Kidding. No, that was a brilliant video, as Aaron said, thanks so much for sharing it!

Yeah, I think that's probably the best way, just actually do it, and keep doing it. Maybe start in quiet, relatively empty loos and work up? Dunno, I'm still very much going to the women's, haven't even started transitioning or passing yet. But it seems like one of those things that sounds far bigger and scarier than it really is; I think I read another post somewhere that said the first time was the hardest, and then it rapidly got easier and less scary. Hope it goes well, whenever it happens!

[JJ]

When we were kids we learned the behavior laws that couldn't be broken and don't ever, ever go in that other bathroom was right up there with don't strip your clothes off in public or don't pee your pants. No wonder we have a hard time overcoming it.

Besides, the one time I wandered into the wrong bathroom as a kid in a new school I was chased down the hall by a herd of screaming boys. One persisted all the way to my classroom. Traumatized me. My mind knows a group of men won't chase me through a mall now but somewhere my heart isn't so sure.

Still I feel foreign in a women's room too. I mean look at the pic on the door and the name-not me. I have scoped out the uni-sex bathrooms in the city where we shop.One day I will saunter nonchalantly into a mens room. All the time praying I won't pass out and probably be so stressed I won't be able to go.

Ah,the joys and triumphs of living trans!

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Good news, though. It becomes a non-issue and you don't even think twice of using the correct bathroom.

The MTF seem to be at risk, because of the perceived threat a woman can claim if a 'man' is in their bathroom. THAT scared me. BUT - never happened. It's attitude. I belong there and I act like I do. No problem.

The FTM seem subject to having to use the stalls. THAT is a nasty thing BUT I suppose it's no worse than having to put up with any unpleasantness. Men are sometime 'pigs' in the bathroom.

So eventually, it gets routine in most ways, but to be honest? WHAT AN AFFIRMATION!

Lizzy

[Guest Aaron T.]

When we were kids we learned the behavior laws that couldn't be broken and don't ever, ever go in that other bathroom was right up there with don't strip your clothes off in public or don't pee your pants. No wonder we have a hard time overcoming it.

You're right. I remember those talks with a warning finger: "Don't you ever go into the wrong room, little girl. This (->pointing left at the door with the sign for female)is where you go! There (->pointing right at the door with the sign for male) you don't go! Don't forget!!"

I felt I belonged right but was shoved to the left. That was confusing, man. lol

Still I feel foreign in a women's room too. I mean look at the pic on the door and the name-not me. I have scoped out the uni-sex bathrooms in the city where we shop.One day I will saunter nonchalantly into a mens room. All the time praying I won't pass out and probably be so stressed I won't be able to go.

I can totally relate. Feel foreign in a women's room but still don't quite look like belonging in the men's room. If possible I also go to the uni-sex bathrooms. - This past week I went downtown to a shopping mal, I needed new sports apparel. Before I started my stroll thru the men's section (of course ;-)) to find some t-shirts and shorts I made my way to the bathroom. On the way there I thought "Okay, what ya gonna do now? Men's room or women's room...?"

That day I had dressed to pass. In spite of that I decided to go to the women's room to see how the women would react to me. This can be also a good way to find out if you pass. And that day, I did. The girls in there had "what is HE doing in here?" written all over their face. That felt kinda good! Maybe it is kinda weird, but hey, whatever....at that moment I wasn't feeling particularly odd, I was in a good mood....it's fun when the girls start checking you out...lol

Ah,the joys and triumphs of living trans!

There you go! ;-)

[Guest DawnK]

...With the video, it says in the Urinal Selection part that the loo has reached critical mass on three urinals being taken and that under no circumstances should two adjacent urinals be in use at the same time, but then the next shot shows all of them in use. So is it OK?? ...

The next shot that showed all of them in use failed to mention that those who violated the rules were FTM's who hadn't yet learned the rules. They didn't know, nor had they ever experienced "Stage Fright."

"Stage Fright" is very real, at least in my experience. I've stood at a urinal for several minutes waiting for the other gents to finish their business and leave so I could get started. And on occasion, I've left with a full bladder only to wait a few, then return and enter a stall.

While I was stationed in South Korea, I was doing my business when two ladies entered the room and took the stalls. I almost freaked thinking I had gone into the wrong room until I realized that I was using a urinal. By the time I left Korea 3 years later, it didn't even phase me that women came in while I was there.

I think that once you take the first step, visits after that will become easier and easier until someone violates the urinal laws and all hell breaks loose.

[Guest Wulfhere]

The only thing that's ever made me nervous about entering the men's washroom is the thought of not passing and being harassed or assaulted by a group of people. It's never happened to me, but I still worry about it. Nothing about the etiquette makes me nervous since that's pretty much always been how I've acted in any washroom. I'm definitely much more comfortable with the way things are in the guys washroom, it's just that paranoia of potentially not passing well enough that stays with me.

Also, women can be just as messy as men. I don't know how many times in the past I've walked into a stall in the women's washroom with urine, nuts or blood on the seat (sometimes on the floor). Not only that but some women seem to have this wonderful habbit of leaving tampons and pads everywhere but where they're supposed to go

[Guest Chiv]

Dawn,

Thanks for posting that video. It was quite the bonding moment watching it with some of my cisgendered male friends who have been supportive but this was something lighthearted we shared and laughed about. They commented on the accuracy of the urinal rule.

John

[Guest Cowboy]

Oink.

I was never gonna show a photo of myself on here. But I figured the time was right

Matty you look very sharp in uniform. Diggin the hair too bro.

and the video is funny, and helpful. I have yet to begin using the men's room, but I'm already sweating it. I try to avoid public restrooms at all costs.

[Guest Superrad]

I definitely get where you're coming from and I know I had to work my way up. First, I went to a bathroom (on a stationary ship in a floating museum) that I knew wouldn't have many people. I awkwardly stalked around to try to make sure but I definitely psyched myself out more than I needed to. Just eyes down (I made the mistake of looking up and the first bigger bathroom I went into I connected eyes with an intimidating fellow--not fun!) and go to the stall. As far as I'm aware, guys don't look at which ways your feet are facing, or even you that much.

I remember attempting to hold it but lately I've gone on a stint where it's been strangely liberating to just go. It's gone so far for my confidence and I really do like it--only problem is that by comparison a lot of men's bathrooms are disgusting... aah well, small price, yeah?

[Guest N.Chaos]

Also, an STP is not in my future, I much prefer the stalls for privacy anyways. Many cis guys do too.

Same here. The only thing that freaks me out personally about using the guy's room is just not passing and getting nuts for it.

If you're able to, try and find unisex or 'family' restrooms. I'm lucky that two of the places I spend a lot of time at have em' and I'm sure it's saved my derrierre in the past.

Other than that just follow everyone else's advice. IMO, men's bathrooms is a lot easier and less awkward than women's. No weird small talk, no one monopolizing the mirror, etc.

[Guest Leigh]

best. video. ever.

lol...

[Guest ashermohawk]

...um... i cant see the vid... i think my computer is retared.... whats the link so i can see it maself?

i dont realy like the womens bathrooms that much. sure, ive never gone into the mens, but the womens is just so akward! especialy at my school. i dont mind going to the bathroom in school, but other girls think of it as an absolute sin! its like they're trying to convince people that they dont ever have to poo! everybody poos! and, durring the class periods when everyone's supposed to be in class, there are girls just hanging out in the bathroom, talking about random stuff! its so stressful to go in, with a conversation already in progress, and try to take a silent ninja poo. there's so much you cant do; poo, fart, grunt, make any noise when in the stall. BUT ITS A BATHROOM!!! i needs ta poo when i needs ta poo! but when i come outa tha stall, i get a whole bunch of weird looks... sorry, i started ranting about poo...