Unsure Of What To Do

[Guest Link48010]

Well, this will a long story. There are several aspects to it that have me torn as to my choices.

I have previously posted in the Androgynous forums, but have sense come to a realization. I am a MTF. I did not, however, plan to transition as part of the first main issue. I want a career in public office (state congress) and my job would be made much harder if I were to transition. Since medical records to most public office holders are made public, it would be no secret if I were, even a really good looking, post-op. My goal, of course, is to help people, and it is not a goal I am willing to give up. I have seen too many people from the LGBT community (and all those LGBT does not categorize) suffer needlessly to simply drop it.

The second issue, is of course, my family. I have a small family that is tight knit, but my extended family is nothing I am concerned about in the least. My mother and father are really the only two that concern me, my father specifically. I have tried my best to explain that I am androgynous (as I said earlier, I previously thought I was), and it turned out, to say the least, not well. I was grounded to my room (I was 16 at the time, 19 now) for over a week, stripped of all communications, and put into therapy. The therapy did not go anywhere, not in the three sessions our insurance covered.

The final issue is the person I am dating. I am dating another MTF named Erin. There are two main problems. First, Erin is attracted to other women mainly, and second, she is in love with her second cousin by marriage Ellen. Ellen either has no interest, or does not openly show any interest in Erin however, but it seems Erin simply cannot let go. She wants to see her constantly, and cannot stop thinking and talking about her. Many would say it is as easy as dumping Erin and moving on, but it is not so simple. I have known Erin since I was a little child, for more then ten years and care for her deeply. I, honestly, would do anything that would mean her happiness, including hooking her and Ellen up if I can. I was even planning on a sixteen hundred mile road trip so Erin could visit Ellen. I am positive, beyond any shadow of a doubt, that if I were female, Erin would be ready to let go of Ellen and stay with me for any length of time. I know for a fact we get along well enough to live together full time even, and I have planned out doing so, even adopting children.

Here in lays my problem. What should I do now? Previous to tonight, I had it all planned out; move in with Erin, finish school for my political science and sociology degree, and begin work (I even have jobs lined up already, or at least strings I can pull to help things along), adopt a child, and retire to japan as an english teacher. I would not call it a fight, but a conversation with Erin tonight has thrown a monkey wrench into the works, and now I am completely lost. I just want some opinions, anything really, will be helpful. Do I take the self righteous way out, not transition, weather the storm with Erin, with whatever the outcome may be, and do my job to help others at the cost of my own personal happiness? Or should I take the more selfish way out, transition, and find my own happiness instead of help others find theirs? Just know, the one option I will not take is leaving Erin.

[Guest Jenny K.]

It sounds like you are going to have to do alot of compromising, and that's never easy.

Concerning your aspirations of a career in public office, it sounds like something you are passionate about. If it is a goal for you, and you are not willing to give it up, then don't. It may be difficult, but I'm sure the rewards will outweigh the risk in the end. You will have to do something that not many people have done. It takes courage to do that, and I believe you have the courage to follow your dreams, no matter how impossible they may seem.

As to your family, have you gotten any closure on the issue? How does your father feel about who you are now? How does your mother feel? Family members can be the most difficult people to talk to many times, because we care about them, their opinions we often hold most dear. In the end, nobody should really tell you who to be except yourself. Some will judge and try to control you, and others will understand, love, accept, and help you, even if they do not completely understand or agree with something in your life. That's how you find out who your true friends are, the ones who stick with you through good times and bad.

Finally, its obvious you love Erin very much and will not leave her. You say that you would do anything that would mean her happiness, and that's a very important part of loving someone. Show her your true self, or else, who would she be falling in love with? You have to share everything with her, and tell her exactly how you feel and what she means to you. Loving relationships are built on trust and honesty. I think she sounds like the one person who would be able to help you more than anyone else.

I hope this helped you, at least somewhat. If you ever want to talk, feel free to message or email me. I would love to hear what you decide to do and how things work out for you.

Be true to yourself and follow your dreams!

~Jenny

[Carolyn Marie]

I think Jenny has some really good advice for you, hon.

If you truly love Erin, then be open and honest with her. Even if you don't have all the answers yet, she needs to know if you believe yourself to be trans, and that you might transition. Her decision from that point on could make some of your other decisions easier.

Don't discount the possibility of a public career. There are a couple of TS mayors in the U.S., now, and a couple of judges and other high officials. It is doable, and getting to be more doable every year. The world is waiting for you, go live your dream.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie