I Don't Know What To Do Now, Help?

[Guest Gauvain]

I came out to my three closest friends last week through e-mail. As said in my previous thread, my best friend replied and was completely fine with it and completely understood. I've been waiting for my other friend to reply and finally heard back from her today. Unfortunately, she wasn't as understanding. Here's what she said:

"Hey [birth name],

I'm sorry I haven't gotten back to you, I just have been really busy.

I'll just get strait too the point. You are my Best Friend, and I wouldn't let anyone hurt you, and neither would [her brother]. One thing is, that I accept you for who you are, no matter what. Look, you don't have to listen to what I am saying, but God created you for who you are. You have a soul that cannot be replaced, and I know who you are. I know that my best friend is not transgender, and I know you are a girl, with a girl soul. You act more manly than the guys at your school probably because most of them arn't really manly. Believe me, I know. I am not that comfortable in dresses or girl clothing either. That doesn't mean I am transgender. That just means we are tomboys. Girls, but more guyish than regular guys. Look [birth name], I may not know much about this subject than you do, but I know who my Best Friend is. You are a girl who was born a girl. You were also meant to be one. God doesn't make mistakes. I love you [birth name], and hope you have the best of luck telling your family. God Bless.

~ [her name]"

I know she obviously didn't reject me, but I'm still left not knowing what to do... I know she said that she'd never do anything to hurt me, but I don't think she realizes how much she hurt me with what she just said... I know God doesn't make any mistakes. I'm not a mistake, I was born this way, but it doesn't look like she's willing to accept that. I really don't know what to do now, or if I should really even do anything at all. I feel completely lost right now, and because of a lot of other things going on and being on the verge of an emotional breakdown, I just can't think straight... Does anyone know what I can at least try to do now?

[Guest JaniceW]

What she just said is that she doesn't accept that you are transgendered. She did not reject youn at all. She did not say you had things wrong. She said, not in so many word, that she is having a difficult time seeing you as you see yourself. That is something that she has to figure out for herself. Remember how confused you were when you first confronted this about yourself, well she is at that point right now only it is her friend and not herself. Give her time, be yourself, she will come to see who you really are or she will continue in her imaginary world where she is trying to protect the image she has. Either way this is in her hands and not yours. There is nothing you can do for her other than give the space and time she needs.

[Guest Jenth]

Gauvain,

I agree with Janice. It sounds like your friend is rejecting the transgender. It also sounds like a religious based rejection, which just makes things a little more difficult. More a fear of the words than a fear of you. Personally I'd feel and revel in the pain then simply release the feelings and make a note not to bring the subject up yourself again. I got a similar answer from my parents when I explained things to them, and today to get my attention at work my mom called out "princess Heathy." I don't think she's on board with the the idea of transition yet, but baby steps and getting her to think of me in the feminine is the important baby step in getting her to understand and accept me as transgendered and accepting that transition may be necessary. Similarly in your case getting your friend to think of you in the masculine will help in her acceptance of your own transgenderism. And the only way to do that is to transition behaviorally, socially, physically. You've told her your feelings, now she'll think about them and any information you slip into your relationship will fill in blanks until it clicks.

Heathy

[Guest Evekin]

I don't want to get into any religious debate here and have no intention of offending anyone, but if I were to respond to something like this, I would try to talk on their terms. You could say that God simply had a different plan for you. It's not that he made a mistake, but that maybe he wants people to learn to look past peoples bodies and see their soul. If he has a plan for people who were born with all kinds of differences, abnormalities, handicaps, etc, and no Christian considers any of those a mistake on God's part, then there's a plan for you too. You have a male soul, and she will get used to the idea over time, she seems to really care for you as her friend and if she says she'll accept you no matter what, she will accept you for this too in time. Hope this helps, and good luck

[Guest Gauvain]

Thanks, everyone.

You're right that I should probably just give it time, and that's what I'll do. Thanks again for the advice.

[Guest Aries]

I agree ...I don't want to anger anyone either but I truly feel that God gave us legs so that when we see we are on the edge of a crumbling precipice we can jump to safety. The argument posed here could be made about my analogy...

It's like your friend saying, "I know you are at the edge of a crumbling cliff and you could surely jump to safety (with the legs God gave you), but since God doesn't make mistakes, the cliff is supposed to crumble, and you need to accept that and stay right where you are."

Doesn't make sense to me either, and I think people that say these types of things are just using God to hide the fact that THEY have difficulties they are unable or unwilling to address regarding your transition. I think another way to see this is God put an extra hurdle in front of us because he loves us and has faith in us that we can overcome this challenge (being transgendered). Again I'm sorry if that's offensive, but it is what I believe.