Terrible Things Cis-Folks Say

[Guest someone or other]

Hey just to clear stuff up:

I don't know this dude in real life, he's just being super creepy and pretending like I do.

Also I am female-assigned at birth, so my account on this thing says female (as it only asks for biological sex), though the 'about me' section thing attempts to clear that up more.

This dude is ignorant as f***; I mean you have to be pretty ignorant to think it's acceptable to ask a stranger about their genitalia.

Anyway, yeah, I just thought it might be nice to have a venue to complain about obnoxious things cis-folks say sometimes, to make it easier to laugh it off and not get too upset about it. This thread may have been a bad idea, though? Haha I don't know. Sorry!

[MaryEllen]

Intelligent, knowledgeable people can be the most ignorant of all because they sometimes think that they already know it all and close their minds. And once a mind is closed or an eye blind to other's truths then true ignorance will follow.

You hit the nail on the head with that one, John. Unfortunately, those that this would apply to most won't recognize it. You might as well talk to a door post.

MaryEllen

[Guest ChloëC]

As is much too often the case, ignorant because of the definition can mean many things to many people. It has become over the years a epithet used to deride anyone who shows a lack of knowledge or understanding about any one particular subject by giving a blanket word to call out that they are lacking in knowledge of almost anything. I say that, because the reader will apply his or her own definition and the first definition is usually applied, unless someone takes the time (never) to explain the specific meaning in the particular instance.

People can be ignorant of some particular law or custom and once made aware become responsible citizens in their own area, or visitors to another culture. But they will still too often be called ignorant with the fullest meaning applied until such time as the callers move on to something else.

Often, perjoratives are called for, but I would hope that we as a group would slowly get beyond using our words against those who use their words against us. It really accomplishes very little, except for a very momentary and slightly, what we think are, good feelings. Just like they get when they use their words.

Hugz

Chloë

[Guest Elizabeth K]

OH MY

When this TOPIC reaches one hundred pages, I am gonna be amazed... grin

Lizzy

[JJ]

Chloe, although I admire your stand about using words I can't completely agree with it

First because words are how we refine and define our feelings. I would much rather use words against these people to vent my feelings than either internalize their words or take more direct action against them.

And words are descriptors. Some just convey what I want to say. I did not want to go on in great detail-though I now have-about what I felt his behavior implied. I wasn't seeking to label something about him over which he has no control like his gender identity, sexual orientation or race-I was describing -and arguably labeling-his behavior using words I felt would convey what that behavior indicated to me. And I was not saying them to him but to someone he had affected with his behavior. Or attempted to anyway. Basically I wasn't name calling i was venting my feelings .

And I will say and continue to say that the people who abuse and hate us are by and large ignorant. Some are innocently so, some are determinedly so. The innocently misinformed aren't jerks. Just ignorant. But the others, from religious fanatics to bigots, that just don't or won't see our situation for what it truly is and us as the normal, everyday people, are ignorant jerks.

And ignorance is our greatest enemy.

I believe their behavior is pejorative and deserves pejorative labels

In my opinion.

[Guest ChloëC]

I can tell my children from the day they were born that I love them. Again and again, but unless I show it, those words mean absolutely nothing. By showing my children and especially my son - who his mother did not really want and who used him strictly as a pawn - that I would be there time and again, through good times and bad, even when he said he couldn't wait to get out and all the other things teens go through, in the long run, I won. I can show you a gazillion letters and notes his mother wrote that said 'Love', yet, at the end of the day, he knew exactly what was going on, not because I said it more than her, but because I did it. Not more than her, not less than her, I just loved him. There are no bounds or limits or territories to love, you do it or you don't. And now at 35, he cannot wait to have me come and visit him, his wife, his kids and I'm welcome any time and they love coming here to Michigan, and his mother? They are terrified they may have to do anything with her at any time.

Love wins out, and yes, I know it's tough and getting that feeling of one-upmanship by calling someone else a name and quickly walking away sure seems so tempting. I may not change that jerk's mind, but if I can help change several million, he won't have any friends left because they'll see him for exactly what he is, and us for what we are. Name calling does not win anybody any friends. I will not sink to his level, I just go out and try to win more converts.

It's tough when you're alone, really tough. Yet, we by our lives, by our struggles, by our hopes and dreams, and desires, should understand all that it means to be on receiving and hope that nobody, anywhere should have to go through it. But we also should understand that the more we get on our side, the less on their's, and then it will be a lonely world for them, and that is one of my goals, to be able to reach out to those lonely people and bring them back in

Hugz

Chloë.

[Guest Jean Davis]

I just hate it when people's IQ and shoe size match.

LUV

Jean