Not Always Strong Or Fearless

[Sally]

Well, I have been here for over two and a half years and have watched my friends here do their best to go about normal lives - that includes coming out at work.

I have friends who have made the transition without a hitch at work and I have other friends who lost their jobs so I know that it can go either way.

Just a little background for some of you newer members, I came out to my wife, she left before I had even started to transition, I came out to my sister who seemed supportive until I talked to my mother who then convinced my sister that I was mistaken or brain washed by the massive trans recruiting machine on the Internet so the subject was closed - not a very good track record.

Coming out scares me because of these previous failures but I have reached that point in my life that pretending to be male even for a short time is disturbing to me, I have got to come out at work but even though my company has a very good diversity program it is still frightening to me.

I have visions of losing my job, I cannot shake them and I need the job, I need more than minimum wage but I guess if I have to I will find a way - fast food places are always hiring.

I hope that it all goes smoothly but I have got to be prepared for the other outcome or I will be out of work without any sort of back up plan and no savings at all.

I have set a date in my mind for when to start - I have already transitioned so it is just a matter of clothing, name tag and switching restrooms - I can do it smoothly without causing a huge distraction - it is all up to the employer and my fellow employees as to how it turns out.

Just looking for a word or two of support, if you made a successful transition at work please let me know how you did it.

Love ya,

Sally

[JJ]

No success story at work for you Sally-my boss (me)was really exceptionally accepting but I don't think that counts.

Sweetheart, you are different now and your life is different now. As is the environment where you live. I think it will not only go fine but you'll find they are relieved not to have to pretend you are a man anymore. Because hon, there just hasn't been a male mode for awhile now.

But even so when that day come let me know because I want to keep you in my thoughts and prayers and send positive vibes your way. Not because I believe there will be a problem but because I know what you'll be feeling

Love ya,

Johnny

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Ditto to what I just said to you in person, and...

Godspeed Sally, Godspeed!

Lizzy

[Guest Donna Jean]

.

Well, you know how my "coming out at work" experience turned out....

OUTSTANDING!

I'm sure that yours will be the same for you!

Dee Jay

[Guest ignota]

I can't offer any stories, but massive good luck anyway and hope it goes well

[Guest MonikaC]

Sally,

I first tried to transition about 9 years ago. Failed miserably. I then tried 8 years ago. Failed again. Then again 7 years ago. Same thing. And over and over...

And now look where I am.

If I had let my previous setbacks rule my consciousness this time there is no way I could have made it this far. What is in the past is in the past. There is a quote from a Batman movie that has stuck with me... "Why do we fall? So we can learn to pick ourselves up."

You can do this. You are awesome! You ARE Sally! Worst case scenario is that you lose your job. I know you need the money, but do you really want to be part of an organization that would discriminate like that? In all actuality, things will probably go just fine. There will be a little hooplah at first then back to business as usual.

[Guest sarah f]

Sally I hope it goes smooth for you. I hope it is as easy as Dee Jay's and mine went.

Good Luck and I just said a prayer for your easy transition at work.

[JenniferB]

I know Sally you know that my coming out at work was very successful without any problems whatsoever. However that still didn't stop me from being a total wreck right before. I must say I was relieved after not having to hide anymore.

My recommendation is to notify HR first. If it is anything like mine, there will be others in the company who you will be able to talk with who have gone before you. See if you are able to find your company's guideline for transitioning. That will be very helpful at setting your mind at ease. I actually have an account with my company where all the benefits and information is located. When you notify HR, let them guide you on what you should do. Since your company has a good diversity policy, this shouldn't be a problem.

I am really hoping this will work out Sally. I can understand your fear, especially since you are putting yourself at financial risk. I wish you good fortune and that everything will work out.

Jenny

[Carolyn Marie]

Sally, you know that I too am on the cusp of coming out to the whole friggin world, and you know, despite all the support at work so far, and all the preparation, I'm still a nervous wreck. So I do understand and appreciate how you feel.

But...

You work for a national chain, with specific written protections in place. Your colleagues know and like you, you do amazing work and are one of their star salespeople. So I have little doubt that things will work out just fine. Have confidence, Sally. You will succeed.

Love

Carolyn Marie

[Guest Lacey Lynne]

Sally:

We can truly appreciate your situation, hon.

While I've been luckier with my adoptive family (people who raised me and their relatives), I faced a job loss not once but TWICE as recently as November 2010 and again in December 2010 for being out as transgender.

Thankfully, by the grace of God and by my own hustling, I got another job that pays decently well now, but it's very hard and intense work. The good news is that the owners are actively-practicing evangelical Christians: They helped me by giving me an outright gift of money to pay our rent the first week I worked for them. The bad news is that the owners are actively-practicing evangelical Christians: They are apt NOT to tolerate my coming out as transgender.

Like your wife, Sally, mine wants to leave to, but she cannot afford to. I almost single-handedly support her, her 27-year-old daughter, 3 doggies and 4 kitties. I can afford to leave, but they would all perish if I did.

We sleep in separate bedrooms. We've neither hugged, kissed nor "done the deed" in years and years. Both of us want to move on with our private lives, and I can afford to do so, but she cannot. What do I do, throw them out? No way. Also, we're still legally married, share this townhouse and, hence, cannot date anybody.

Remember that old saying about walking a mile in somebody's shoes if you want to understand them and why they are the way they are? Empathizing? We should all strive to do this with one another and be more forgiving of one another. Why do I say this?

I'm perfectly well aware that I annoy people here. There is much more to my situation that I've stated here. I'm helping several people as well as my immediate family. I'm fighting a foreclosure lawsuit. I'm paying back the IRS. I'm fencing with other creditors (I shall prevail). While I admittedly come across arrogantly, it's NOT on purpose. The pressures amp me up and make me edgy.

Sally, I feel for you. Yes, you DO need your job. No, minimum wage at a C store or fast food place ain't gonna get it. At nearly 60, those jobs would wear you to a frazzle anyway. Susan's Transgender Resources website has a truly superb package on how to successfully come out at work. You may want to use it. Many have used it with success.

Sally, your family of choice there in New Orleans with Dee Jay and Lizzy K is a blessing. It's wonderful that you've found one another and are helping one another. At your age, you truly need one another not just for physical survival but for friendship and companionship.

Last week, I had my first appointment with my new gender counselor to document my going fulltime and eventually get my SRS letter. His (transman) office is in The Portland Q Center. There, I met another transsexual woman who is just a few years my junior. She's a black T-girl who looks great, has awesome style and a sparkle in her eyes. She fawned all over me and gave me her phone number without my even asking for it right off the bat. My point?

Undoubtedly, she and I could become roommates like you and your crew, and I'd have companionship and, dare I say it, affection. Great. Now, what about my for-now wife as mentioned above?

While it's awful that your wife took off just like that, at least this freed you up to get together with your crew. Actually, it turned out to be a great blessing, Sally. Trust me, you DO NOT want to all alone ... and transsexual ... at our age.

Check out that coming out at work package on Susan's if you haven't already. It's very effective. I could even put you in touch with staff there who could and would help you if you wanted that. If not, that's cool too. Your choice.

Good luck, hon!

Lacey Lynne

Hooha! The Rolling Stones just came on the radio! Air guitar time, so 'scuze me, hon! Can't Get No Satisfaction ... no, no, no ... hey, hey, hey ... that's what I say!

[Sally]

Well step one happened today as scheduled, I called the lady in the National Headquarters Human Resources Department in charge of the GLBT Associates.

I called and left a message on her voice mail, when she called back she stated that she knew that I might want to remain anonymous but asked for a name that she could call me so I told her to call me Sally.

We talked and she only asked a couple of questions that were vague enough to not give away my location but enough for her to find out that I was in a store large enough to have an on site HR department.

I have been given the choice of going to the manager or the HR manager first, I have decided to go to the HR director and they can help with any questions that the manager may have.

She also told me to give them her name and phone number for any questions that they might have - she does not know if they have dealt with a Transsexual employee yet - that is why she is there.

We will see what happens next - I work tomorrow but may not be able to get an appointment until next week.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Chiv]

Sally,

I wish you the very best.

John

[Guest Lacey Lynne]

Sally:

You did the right thing, I believe.

Donna Rose, author of "Wrapped in Blue," said to ALWAYS go through Human Resources first, to let them coordinate matters and to let them make the official announcement. That Coming Out at Work package at Susan's Transgender Resources website says the same thing. Many people have had great success with that.

Does Louisiana have laws to protect you? Oregon does. However, the company I actually work for is in Oklahoma via the Internet.

Since you approached HR first, I believe you'll be safe and that it will all work out for you. Hope so!

Hugs. Lacey Lynne