Coming Out At School

[Guest Emery M.]

So, I've been thinking more and more about coming out at school. I did talk to my mom about it and she kinda freaked out. She started telling me that the only way she would 'let' me do it would be if I went to a psycologist and talked to them and had them diagnose me... I was willing to think about this but then she said that she thought it would take two years! I know that, in the grand scheme of things, that really isn't very long, but I really don't want to wait that long. I realize that probably the best way to come out at school is to talk to the school administrators and go from there. However, this doesn't seem like an option right now, given what my mom said. I was thinking that maybe I would just tell my friends and then just keep going until everyone knew? Maybe it's unrealistic, but that seems like the best idea... I don't really have the courage right now, but I am really interested in doing that.

However, the whole coming out thing poses another issue, which is maybe unusual. ALL of my friends are girls. And when I say all, I mean all. For a long time, I've felt like boys at my school are intimidated by me, because of the clothes I wear, or something. It's not that I don't want my friends to be boys, at all; on the contrary, I've always liked boys better, on a general scale. But the real thing is, I feel like whenever I'm around boys, at least for the past couple years or so, I'm tempted to say or do things that would compromise or or mess up other peoples' view of my femininity. I don't have very much of that (at least for a girl), which has always felt natural, but, just to make myself more socially acceptable at school I try to keep myself somewhat feminine. While I don't feel like having most of my friends be girls means that I somehow am not who I am, I feel like it would invalidate my coming out somewhat, given that whenever we are supposed to get in groups, I go with girls, and I sit with all girls at lunch. So... I've been thinking about how to go about this. I am okay with waiting a little, but I have this really big feeling that the longer I try to hold up my girl image, the longer I'm just denying who I am and wasting my life.

I guess I'm basically looking for advice from someone who might have a little more experience than me, or even just someone else with ideas. I'm not sure if everything I wrote above is coherent or anything, but this has really been eating away at me. If anyone needs clarification about my ramblings I'll try to explain more.

Thanks for reading my whole big ramble.

Emery

[JenniferB]

Hi Emery!

What I see right away is your mother telling you to see a psychologist. What you need to seek is a psychologist that specializes in gender issues. It shouldn't take 3 years to diagnose you with GID. It also appears to me that your mother is a little frightened and doesn't want to lose her daughter. Still you have to do what is in your own interest.

I have a feeling your mother won't approve, but again I don't know her. If she doesn't you are going to have to wait until you are 18 to transition without her approval. IMO what you need to do is hope for the best in where your mother is understanding, but prepare for the worst. While you are living at home it would be a good idea to find a job where expenses are practically non-existent and save all the money you can for when you leave home and have to pay bills on your own.

I don't know if you are going to college, but if that is the case and your parents are willing to pay for it, I would suggest to lay off about your transgender status and prepare more for life. There will be a time you will be able to live fully as yourself. But be wise and when the time comes you will be able to handle the obstacles much better that come your way.

I wish you success. And my biggest advice is to be patient. Just be ready when the time comes.

Jenny

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Jen said it mainly. But your mother saying,

I was willing to think about this but then she said that she thought it would take two years!

I don't think that is possible. You should expect a few months at the latest, if you have a GENDER therapist, and if you are BRUTALLY HONEST from the very beginning.

Lizzy