Told My Parents....

[Guest Gauvain]

I think this is the right section...?

Anyway, I came out to my parents, but it didn't really go as expected... Well I wasn't really sure what to expect in the first place, but still. My mom tried every way possible to convince me that it wasn't true, but my dad was a little better about it. Basically he said that it might not be but he'll do whatever he can to help, like finding a GT and everything, and reassured me that no matter how it turned out he would still love and support me. My mom started off by saying that I'm just flat out not and am just a tom-boy. That I was raised around a lot of tom-boys and that was all I was. She also tried to convince me that I couldn't be 'cause I have a lot of feminine traits (which I don't, she obviously hasn't been paying much attention to me). She asked my questions like "Well do you think you're a boy and want to get a sex change?" and when I said yes she just rolled her eyes and looked at my dad weirdly. She also tried to convince him that finding me a GT wasn't a good idea and I should just go to a regular phycologist. When I mentioned that they should at least find someone with experience with Gender Dysphoria, she just rolled her eyes again. She kept saying stuff that frustrated me a lot and I ended up crying, which apparently made her think that I was just scared of of what people would think or becoming a lesbian or whatever... Which I'm not. I don't think they really understand that it's not being transgender I'm afraid of, it's being forced to live as a girl for the rest of my life that scares me. But I couldn't even talk to them about that, my name or my dysphoria since I was getting so upset. So basically they still know nothing... My dad is willing to help but my mom just dismissed the whole thing 'cause apparently I'm just a stupid teenager, and now everyone in the house is mad at me 'cause I don't feel like watching T.V. with them right now... Yeah that last part was petty random, but still... I'm feeling horrible about myself right now since I couldn't tell them half the things they need to know, and them yelling at me about something as stupid as watching T.V. isn't helping...

On the bright side, the friend I was having problems with seems to have begun to come around, but I'm still feeling petty down right now. At least I might be able to get some help...

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Keep at it - until they understand this is very real. They may never totally understand but they SHOULD support you. Get your father to arrange a meeting with a GENDER THERAPIST! A regular therapist is a waste of money and time.

You mother is in denial. Explain to her you need her help, not her resistance.

REALLY keep working at it - and keep us updated. We are here for you.

Lizzy

[Carolyn Marie]

I agree with Lizzy, Gauvain. Look, it was the first day, and they are in a state of shock. Don't get too discouraged yet, hon. It takes time, and like Lizzy said, persistence. Be gentle but firm with them. Don't let them try to ignore you and pretend that if they don;t acknowledge it, it will go away.

I would work on your dad first. Get him to follow through on the G.T. idea, and have him help you with your mom. You need him as an ally, so play your cards right.

I suggest giving them some reading material; that will show them that you're serious and you've done your research. There is some great stuff JJ posted today in the Scientific Research Forum that might do well.

Good luck, hon.

Carolyn Marie

[Guest Doodlen]

I agree with the two fine ladies here.

Talk to your dad again, preferably alone or without your mom around, explain to him again what being Trans is, answer his questions, and pretty much just explain everything. Then when you talk to your mom next he'll be able to help you out. Sounds like your mom's in denial,which is very commom so don't get too discouraged. Try to explain it to her again, but wait a litte bit so she has time to cool off, but not too long. Or you could give her links to a few pages explaining it if you think that'd work better.

And most importantly: Keep your head up and try to think positive. Your dad seems like he'll understand, and keep working on your mom. You are who you are.

Good luck with everything <3

[Guest Madison_Always]

The biggest thing for you to do in my opinion is stand your ground. No matter what your mom says about how "feminine" you are or that there are no instances from your past to indicate this. Mistakes were made when I came out and most of them were a direct result of breaking down and losing confidence. Good luck and hang in there we believe in you.

Chelsea

[Guest Gauvain]

Thanks everyone, I'll keep trying... But I've been running into some problems...

I can't find any time to talk to my parents again, especially not my dad. He's always at work and when he's not, my mom is there. I can't talk about with her around without her contradicting everything I'm trying to say. She's known transgender people before, and is using them as an excuse to why I'm not. She's trying everything she can to convince me it's not true. The day after I told them, I came home from school to see her with all these photo albums and she told me a lot about the "phases" of her life. I don't know what she was aiming to accomplish with that, her life is nothing like mine. She said that when she was younger, she "felt like a boy" too, but then got over it. But then she found out that she was mostly androgynous... So again I don't know what she was trying to do by telling me that. Then she started threatening this all by saying she might die soon, so if I "needed and use from her" I should do it now... And she hasn't touched on the subject since.

Now with my dad, he always listens to my mom, I think in a way she's afraid of her... Who isn't though, she is really scary... Anyway, I tried to tell him to find a GT, and he said he would, but would still look for a regular therapist as well. Then that night (the same day my mom had all the photos and stuff) my mom found a free support group in our area and hopefully we're gonna go tomorrow night. But now my dad isn't gonna get me a GT 'cause he apparently doesn't wanna "rush into things with therapy and all that stuff". My mom seems to be trying to discourage me from going to the meeting, but I'm hoping we're still gonna go... But I still haven't had the time to tell even my dad about my name, pronouns or my dysphoria... This is all starting to get really complicated but not at the same time... I dunno.

I told the three most supportive people of me about this problem, and they are gonna try to help... Well, my two friends said that they'd always support me, and my uncle is probably gonna be the one to help me somehow... He's not blood related to us, but he's known my parents for awhile so he might as well be. He said he might be able to find a GT for me and maybe help talk to my parents... I'm still not sure how all that's gonna work out, though.

[Guest Areyan]

i'm 33 and had this exact same outcome with my mother. i'm sorry to read about yours but it sounds like you and i have a long way to go to convince our mothers we are not mad, or end up walking away from them. i have no idea how old you are from reading your post but if you're under 18, get some advocacy as parents aren't always the kindest allies in our journeys. if you're an adult like me keep on keeping on while you figure out the best way to be yourself without harassment around your folks. i know this is hard because darn, my mother kept me awake for 8 hours solid talking about why i think i'm really a man (i know my gender says androgyne but i'm starting to swing more towards FTM these days). my mother's biggest concern was how i was going to have sex with women without a real penis. good grief.

like i haven't already thought of all the positives and negatives. mum also gave me the same silly spiel on how feminine i am and how i don't look like a man in the slightest *groan* - i will give her that. i'm a very fey guy so most people don't look at me and assume immediately that i'm FTM or even andro. i have struggled my whole life to feel natural in heels and skirts and just could not understand what the other girls were going on about with all their girly goals so i felt very out of place just trying to be a female. my mother has no idea of any of this because i tried very hard to be feminine like a lot of guys do. lol, actually thinking of this makes me laugh because just before i came out to myself i realized that as a woman i owned virtually NO makeup and i had only one pair of high-heeled shoes that i had to buy for a special occasion the year before. that's right. in my 30s and i owned not even one pair of women's fancy shoes - my shoes of choice? low-heeled boots and gender-neutral converse shoes.

what mother doesn't know is, my dressing and behaviour since i started to accept myself more has started to change the way people see me in public. i know this because my son's high school friends are already asking him if he's going to turn out short like his "dad". i'm not sure how he's dealing with this or even if he's correcting them but it does make me go o.O ok... i'm passing sometimes.

what hurts now though is she won't talk to me about it at all. i feel as though i have to prepare to lose my family just to be myself and at my age, it's so Gosh darned cruel.