Possible Coming Out Letter

[Guest Mori]

So I'm getting to the point where I may be coming out to all those close to me and then soon after everyone I interact with (such as family and friends that do not live near me.)

For the second group I have written a first draft of a letter to send out by email or snail mail (which ever works best to reach them) and would like some opinions on it from everyone here. here is the letter:

Dear Friends and family,

Hello everyone. I hope everything is going well for all of you. Those of you who I have not had a lot of contact with, it’s a shame, and we should talk more often. I’m sending this to everyone to let you know about a very important change in my life. This is a change that I feel the need to let people know about so here it goes…I am a man. A man trapped in a woman’s body. The technical term is transgender and I am what is known as a Female-to Male Transgender. I have been struggling with this for over a year now, and possibly even longer. Some of you may have noticed small changes such as my style of dress or overall demeanor. This is not a phase and I am not a tomboy.

Certain things will be changing with my appearance and other aspects of my life, but in most ways I am the same person. I will still have the same personality and the same sense of humor, but I will be happier and more open.

I would ask that you please call me by the appropriate pronouns now and by my new name I have chosen. (At the bottom of this letter) I know this is a lot to take in and a big change to process. I am open to answering any questions you may have. In the chance that this news is something you cannot accept, I understand. I have always believed that everyone is entitled to their own opinion and this still is how I feel. I hope, though, that we can still have the same relationship we had in the past and maybe even a stronger one, built on more trust.

Your friend, cousin, nephew, grandson, and son

-******* ********

Please let me know what you think...this is just a first draft as of now. so, please, do be kind ^^;

[Guest Jenth]

Hi Mori,

My first thought is it reads much as a Dear John letter, or a Please-Don't-Cry-Even-Though-You'll-Never-See -Me-Again type letter. It is well written and goes for the most part straight to the point, but to be honest it isn't friendly. Even hitting up the polite "hope everything is well for all" clause sucks the personality from the letter. I'm not sure how to write this kind of a letter with personality. I've never tried it, but I think it'll be better received if you added your personality to it.

Just my thoughts,

Heathy

[Guest Mori]

Hm... good point heathy...I'm not sure how to add personiality to it either...but I'll try some things and see if it helps.

thanks for the input.

[Guest Mori]

So here is my redone letter...I meant to just revise the old one but it ended up turning into its own new letter

Dear friends and family,

I’ve tried many times to write this letter, each time it has not seemed personal enough and seems to come off harsh…So I’m going to try again. Some of you I may have already told about what is contained in this letter but please read it anyways. As distant as I am sometimes, I really do hate being that way. I need to be open with all of you because of how much I care for you all. I have been hiding something from all of you and do not wish to hide it any longer.

Some of you may have noticed my slight change in dress and presentation. Up to now it has been marked off as tomboyish or butch. I have recently discovered the transgender community and after a lot of soul searching and talks with my therapist, I have accepted who I am. I am truly a man. The technical term is Female-to-Male transgender. This means that I am a man inside. I am in the wrong body and need to start taking steps to make my outside match my inside. I will not say that I knew from a young age that I was a man. I really did think I was a girl because that is what everyone told me. Now that I have begun to think for myself and discover new things about me I know who I am. I have been fighting with these feelings for more than a year (that I can remember) and this decision is my own, it is who I am.

This realization will not change who I am as a person. It will not change my personality, my sense of humor, or my likes and dislikes. I will be more open and will allow all of you to see who I really am. The person that I have been hiding for all these years. No doubt there will be a time of transition for me, while I adjust to being open and not hiding anymore and I ask you to bear with me. And there wil be a time of transition for all of you as well I am sure, but if you could try your hardest to call me by the proper pronouns and my new name I have chosen I would greatly appreciate it.

I would ask for you continued love and support as I begin this process. I also ask for respect if you do not see things the same as I do. As I stated before this is my decision and I know it is right. If there are any questions, I ask that you ask them. I will answer all that I can and have resources ready to give if you want to know more about what I am going through and the process I am starting.

Your friend, cousin, nephew, grandson, and son

-(my new name here)

[Carolyn Marie]

I like the second letter a lot, Mori. It does feel more personal, and I like the way you invited questions at the end. It is straighforward and to the point,

without being overly technical or providing TMI.

The only thing you might consider adding, near the end, is something like this:

I don't ask or expect you to fully understand this, or to endorse it or support it. My decision may not sit well with your beliefs or opinions.

I respect that. All I ask is that you treat me with the same courtesy, dignity and respect with which you have always treated me.

I'm going to say something like that when I come out at work. Good luck, young man.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Guest Emily Ray]

I like it too. It is much friendlier. I also like CM's addition if you use it.

Huggs

Emily

[Guest Mori]

Yeah I think I will add in Carolyn Marie's suggestion. I really like it! Thank you Carolyn!

I'm gald it comes off better than the first on...I put alot of work into it