Best Way To Tell My Father?

[~Nova~]

I made a dinner date with my father for Monday night. We are going to a resteraunt for dinner and I plan on telling him.

How do i do it? Just come out? Not at the resteraunt? Should I print some literature? Before or after the meal?

My father and I are close, but I think he is close minded about stuff like this. I'm not sure tho.

How did you tell your parent(s)

Nova

[Guest Emily Ray]

I don't think you should do it until after the meal. In the reasturant or not I can't say. I told my mom with a letter I hand delivered. She told my father and I always thought he would accept me but not right away. He accepted me right away though and said he still loved me.

Huggs

Emily

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Old gray mare here - my parents were deceased. I told my children face to face (at different times), and I was glad to do it that way, because all three accepted me unconditionally.

I usually recommend a face to face method.

And if you have a printout - a good explanation, say from the internet - it might be helpful. If you can stand it (whew) wait until after dinner. Also, be really self assured and really happy even if it is an act (they take a lot of their cue on how to react from your attitude).

DON'T go into a huge amount of detail. They will probably be in a bit of shock.

I hope this helps.

Lizzy

[~Nova~]

I'm going to wait until after dinner. I do not think he will be very accepting. We are close and I told him I had to tell him something and I can tell he is very nervous about it.

Im not sure which is/was harder, staying in the closet, or taking these first steps out. I have told a few coworkers and all seem fine, but I hand picked the ones I could trust. I dont get to pick my father.

The one family member that would understand, my mother, is dead. I might get dressed and go visit her grave and tell her.

Nova.

[~Nova~]

Is it to early in transition?

How long should I wait?

Should I wait?

Arghhhhh!!!

Nova

[Guest Valerie]

/Hugs Nova;

I flew back home to Texas, five months after I had started my HRT. I had talked to my sister, who lives in Florida and told her first over the phone and I asked her if she could meet me in Houston and be there when I told my mother, she said that she would meet me there.

I arrived in Houston, met my mother sister at the airport. Afterwards we went to lunch and made plans for the next day.

I had asked my sister to make an appointment at a nail salon the next day for the three of us.

The next day I took my mother and sister to see a movie, then we had our nails done and I took them to a belated Mothers Day diner.

My mother noticed my painted toe nails and my four toe rings at the salon, but she said nothing to me.

After we had diner and got back home, my mother spent a few minutes doing a few things.

Then when she was done she asked me what was going on!

I asked her if she had ever heard of the term Transgender, she said yes.

I asked if she had heard the term Gender Indentity Disorder, she said yes.

I asked her if she had ever heard of Male-to-Female, again she said yes.

I could hardly believe it.

So, I had told her that I was Transgendered and that I had started my HRT. I even had my laptop set-up and had a copy of the HBS SoC and a few other pages saved with all the discreptions of the entire process.

She read for about an hour then said that she had to take a rest, so she went into her bedroom. After a few minutes my sister went in and checked on her.

An hour later my sister comes out and says mother would like to talk to you, now.

So, I go in and answered all of her questions. She asked if I was happy. I informed her that I was the happiest I had been in a very long time.

She said, so with me being on HRT for 5 months no matter what she says I am going to continue, I said yes.

She told me that as long as I was happy that she would support me, just that she does not understand how this could have happened.

Several weeks later I was back in Hawaii and she called me and told me that she would love to have another daughter. I started crying that night for along time.

I hope this helps you a little.

/Love

Valerie

[~Nova~]

Last night at exactly 5:35 my life changed forever. Telling my wife was tough, but I knew she knew did a long time. Telling a coworker was tough, but I don't see them much so if they weren't comfortable, I would just stay away from them. Telling my father, that was the hardest. We are close and losing him would have really been tough.

He sat there, stunned at first. Then he accepted, then he told me as long as I will continue to hug him until the day he dies, it's all good. Well, it's all good!

He asked me a question that no one has asked, and I hadn't thought about. "how do you know thats how you feel?". How do I explain it to him? How do I know? I just do!!!???

Nova

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Oh my!

I am speechless...

Lizzy

[Guest ChloëC]

Hi Nova,

That's so great to hear about your father accepting you. I'd give him a hug or more everyday just for being him!

Your question, how do we know?

Next time you talk to your dad, ask him how he knows he's a male, a father, a worker at whatever he does, a hobbyist at whatever he spends time with. And don't let him off with him saying that someone else is involved, ask him how he knows. Not the results because others could probably do the same. How does he know within himself.

I was at the birth of my three children (ok, the initial conception, too), but I don't need that to know. I look at them and I just know I'm their father and each is my child. And part of is because every day, I knew they were and acted knowing that, and loved them for that. Being my child, and knowing each is, is far more a part of my being, then even where they came from. I know that any child that became mine, regardless of the initial origin, is still my child. How can I 'know' that? Because it's a part of me - living, breathing, facing each day part.

Just as I know I'm transgendered and when I finally figured it out, I knew I had known since at least 5. That's a long time knowing.

Hope this helps!

Hugz

Chloë

[~Nova~]

Lizzy, I'm too. :-)

Chloe, I asked him how he knows he's male. It didn't really register with him that it's the same thing. I've known I was a girl since I was knee high on a cricket, how. Just cause I know. :-).

I'm gonna send him the bravery thread the Monica started. It says a lot.

Thanks EVERYONE

I love you all. (((Laura's)))

Nova