Dating?

[Guest Michael Heather]

My girlfriend and I were friends for about half a year before I realised I had more than friendly feelings for her. This was a terribly confusing process for me, as I had been certain I only liked men.

But she took it well, and had actually guessed it might be something like that which I was thinking about but wouldn't tell her. And she was one of the first people I came out to, about a month after we became friends, so she was used to thinking of me as a guy.

Sorry I can't really give any advice, it seems my relationship happened sort of by accident. Neither of us had the intention of looking for something like that, and I hadn't been interested in anyone for years. It just, sort of... happened?

[Guest Miss_Construe]

(If anyone sings Justin Bieber, it'll get ugly in here. I'll come out swingin'.)

um ... how did you know to say that?

Also single since my divorce, or course that isn't a large feat. I am a part of the TBLG community here and pretty open about being trans around the area. Gathered a bit of self confidence and now I have a bit of attention going my way. One thing that does seem to be common in the trans community is a hesitance to act. I know I would make a diamond from a lump of coal.

<3

Amy

[Guest ranse]

um ... how did you know to say that?

Also single since my divorce, or course that isn't a large feat. I am a part of the TBLG community here and pretty open about being trans around the area. Gathered a bit of self confidence and now I have a bit of attention going my way. One thing that does seem to be common in the trans community is a hesitance to act. I know I would make a diamond from a lump of coal.

<3

Amy

"I know I would make a diamond from a lump of coal."

Well, now that makes me want to sing "Old Chunk of Coal" by Billy Joe Shaver. Since you're not a country fan, I won't.

I'm not surprised that many of us hesitate to act. I've lived my life pretending to be something I'm not and fearing what I am. It's hard enough for me to understand it, and then to have to explain it to someone else just seems too daunting at the moment.

I also see how as we become our true selves and our self-confidence boosts others would start taking more notice of us. Self-confidence mixed with some worldly experience and wisdom can make someone pretty charismatic.

[Guest Miss_Construe]

You should check out the 'clean' version of 'Ferris Buller's Day Off,' they destroy that line.

[Guest Alexandra89]

I wasn't good at it as a guy, and I'm way too screwed up right now to go looking for a partner. I feel like all I would be able to bring into a relationship at the moment is physical and emotional instability and a crazy kind of neediness. Plus, I also have a feeling that there aren't a lot of people looking for people like me at the beginning of transition, so the search would be difficult in addition to being something I shouldn't be doing yet.

-Alex

[Guest Doodlen]

Plus, I also have a feeling that there aren't a lot of people looking for people like me at the beginning of transition, so the search would be difficult in addition to being something I shouldn't be doing yet.

I understand what you mean. I don't pass at all yet, I still present as female and I think it'd be way easier to find someone once I at least sorta pass for male so they'll see me that way easier.

On the other hand though, I would love to be with someone who's just beggining their tansition. I would love to be able to be with them every step of the way. Transitioning is such a huge part of our lives, it's such a huge moment, and I want to be able to share that with them. Being there for them in every up and down and all the bumps on this road, everything. And being able to witness that too would be amazing. Seeing it in ourselves is one thing but I think that seeing that in someone else and watching them become who they were meant to be is such a magical thing. Maybe I see it that way because I'm trans, maybe most cis-gendered people would disagree with me, I dunno. But that's just my opinion.

[Guest Lizzie McTrucker]

I just expanded my potential partner search to include FTMs. I wasn't interested in dating women, or MTFs (again, women) but it never dawned on me to include FTMs and then it hit me "why not?" I mean, they're guys so they fit the bill.

As far as navigating the dating scene..it's not easy. It takes a lot of patience and picking through a lot of haystacks before you find that proverbial needle. Don't get discouraged and enjoy being single. Nobody wants to date someone who's desperate so be sure you're looking for someone who is going to complete and compliment you, not someone who is going to fill that empty void of loneliness.

Come to think of it, there is one guy here who has caught my eye but I'm thinking he just flirts with all the ladies here. Hmm, a serial flirt, I'll have to watch out for him...could be trouble. >.>

[Guest Miss_Construe]

Come to think of it, there is one guy here who has caught my eye but I'm thinking he just flirts with all the ladies here. Hmm, a serial flirt, I'll have to watch out for him...could be trouble. >.>

Do it. The worst that can happen is the embarrassed smiley.

<3

Amy

[Guest AlexForever]

I'd avoid dating lesbians as a transmale, from what I've seen and experienced it usually leads to difficult and embarassing situations.

I've been debating whether or not to respond to the above quote, but I think it's necessary. I understand that you are talking about waiting an extended amount of time before coming out to a partner in theory and not in practice, but as the S/O of an FTM, this concerns me. You don't need to out yourself to a girl you're interested in from the start, but waiting an extended amount of time before telling her that you're trans could be very problematic.

For starters, relationships should be built on trust. My partner told me that he was trans a week after we started dating. I had known him for a few years prior, and we traveled in the same social circles and had become friends. I had shared some very personal information with him, and this made him feel comfortable coming out to me. Had he waited, I would have been extremely hurt and embarrassed...especially if things had gotten very physical.

But what if you have problems trusting people? It took me an year to come out to my current best friend (before that she knew me as a cisguy), and slightly less with another friend (but she is bisexual so at least I knew she wouldn't be homo/biphobic) because I really have an hard time trusting other people. I really doubt I could be able to come out to someone I barely know

Which is another great problem with dating for me it takes so much for me to trust others, and to realize that I have feelings for them, that we end up in "friend zone" by the time I realize that I like them =_= and for most people "friend = forbidden".

[Guest Lizzie McTrucker]

Do it. The worst that can happen is the embarrassed smiley.

Lol, seee...I'm too traditional to make the first move.

Did I say traditional? I meant old-fashioned.

[KieranD]

I think that there's an even more complicated situation when a person has been identifying as male (my situation I'm genderqueer and default as male), dressing as male, and overall trying to pass as male for years (7, specifically) yet still not being read as male despite being on T for over 7 months.

There's no real option to take a step back and not tell a partner I'm male, nor is it a position where somebody could assume I'm male then later tell them I'm trans.

[Guest ranse]

Lol, seee...I'm too traditional to make the first move.

Did I say traditional? I meant old-fashioned.

There are ways of tricking fellas into asking you out. (You make the first "move," but they think it's their idea ... very complicated. Like chess.) So, yes, go for it, girl, what's the worst that can happen?

[Guest Lizzie McTrucker]

There are ways of tricking fellas into asking you out. (You make the first "move," but they think it's their idea ... very complicated. Like chess.)

Now this is a trick I must learn.

Care to explain? You can PM it if you'd like so as to not derail the thread.

[Guest Miss_Construe]

Now this is a trick I must learn.

Care to explain? You can PM it if you'd like so as to not derail the thread.

MEMEMEMEMEMEMEME!

I want to know too.

<3

Amy

[Guest sphere]

Well the only girlfriend I've ever had was MTF, so we had that whole trans thing in common. But our personalities didn't really click so it didn't last even two months.

but yeah otherwise no luck.

[Guest Shining Blue]

my partner is androgyne, we've been friends for quite some time now. Im pretty bad at asking people out, so i pretty much embarrassed myself when i did.... but hey! zhe said yes!!

~Blue