My Cousin...

[Guest Caden_Leon]

These past few weeks, I've been playing with the idea of coming out to my cousin. We used to see a lot of each other as kids.. Well, we'd see more of each other than we have these past few years, at least. We were somewhat close and bonded over video games (but really, what kids don't?). In general, I've missed talking to her and have really wanted to get back in contact with her, so I friended her on Facebook a few months back... But I haven't said a word to her.

I guess I'm just really nervous about sending her a message all of a sudden because the last time we talked, I didn't even know she was MTF and still knew her as a male. For the longest time, I've wanted to encourage her during her transition and congratulate her on getting HRT and SRS, but I haven't had the chance. Now I want to do all of that. I want to be there for her and ask her so many questions, but at the same time, I want to see if she could support me in return.

I feel as if by messaging her now, after so long, that it seems like I'm just using her to get support, but I'm not and I don't want it to look that way. (On a side note: I've come to realize that I'm a worrisome, paranoid, and guilt-ridden person for absolutely no reason more often than not.) Although I do want support, I want to give her my support in return. I want to re-establish ties that have eroded with time.

I've been thinking about different ways to write my first message to her, and I think I've decided to just make a little bit of small talk and ask if she wouldn't mind if I ask questions about her transition... But now I'm thinking that that might seem a little intrusive and she might take offense? There goes my paranoia again...

I guess there wasn't really that much of a point to write this, except to get it all out... and to make sure someone knows that I'm doing this so that I can't chicken out and back down. (sheesh, I'm such a wimp.)

--Caden

[Guest Audrey Elizabeth]

I would first be careful what you do or do not say on Face book as has been posted here recently. I would start by simply saying “Hi remember me?”, and see if she responds. Then once communication is established ask her if it would be all right if you contacted her, but leave your contact info incase she prefers that.

Once you two are talking be honest with her. In reality you are most likely contacting her because you need help and you know that she, probably more than anyone, can provide it. I am not saying you do not miss being close to her or that you do not seriously desire to establish a meaningful relationship with her, but it is that she has broken out and is now living her true life. Do not be ashamed of that, because if you reverse it, would you care that she came to you out of need?

The only thing that I can think of that may cause her concern is that she might feel that the family will blame her for you being transgender. If she has gone through anything like I have, than family being rational is typically out the window.

Just be open and honest with her and yourself, because in the long run that is how truly meaningful relationships are formed.

Good luck Caden!!!

Audrey

[JJ]

Carden, everything Audrey Elizabeth says is the same way I see it.

She may be happy to share with you and help you. You may also be a support for her. Or she may want or need to leave the past and everything connected with it behind. There is no way to know from what you have said, so I'd recommend contacting her and just saying Hi while suggesting a private talk or chat. That would be the place to then ask if she minds discussing transition and being trans.

Good luck with it. It sounds wonderful to have a member of the family who will understand and support you in the way only another trans person can if she is prepared to share with you.

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Coincidentally my first cousin is FTM. I talked to her about it without mentioning I was MTF, but I found out she HATES being transgender and says its an abomination. I backed out.

I use the 'her' pronoun because she does too, although she looks and dresses as a man.

Donno - being trans yourself isn't necessarily an automatic support. Be cautious.

Lizzy