Why Do Parents Sometimes Disown Us?

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Let me start this by saying I have no answers I thought perhaps we can get some ideas on this. Our parents so often totally and without reservation, disown us. WHY!

Aren't they the ones who should be the first to support us? Especially hard is when your mother disowns you.

What is going on? What are we doing wrong? What are they doing wrong? Is it a problem of today's society?

Lizzy

[Guest Melanie54]

I think it could possible be a way to escape. It would be easier to cast someone out who is different and say that they are the problem rather than try to understand and support someone. Another possibility is the fear of labeling by association. Back in high school the popular kids would not want to hang around with the nerds, out of a fear being called a nerd.

Of course this is all speculation and I cannot say for sure. I however can say, that we are not doing anything wrong.

Mealnie

[Guest Angelicah]

Personally I think the fact that their boy or girl who has been with them since they were born no longer wants to be a boy or a girl is a hard fact for them to accept.

They named you, fed you, witnessed your teenages and helped you through the different stages of life being the gender you were born.

Parents love their kids more than anything in the world and I don't think it's that they don't want to accep us for what we are, but rather a struggle to see what it is.

I am positive that most parents have a huge inner fight with themselves if they are disowning their kid for being transsexual, crossdresser or whatnot. And I don't think the struggle is accepting their kid, but more accepting it to themselves, that the boy or girl that they fed every day, raised, saw growing from a tiny baby to a teenager suddenly doesn't want to be "that" person anymore.

I mean, some parent can't even handle their kids moving away from home, and this is a much more difficult situation.

But I think no matter how the parents react they still love their kid above anything else. And if they disown their kid for it I can say that most, if not everyone, will cry themselves to sleep trying to accept it to themselves.

This is just as difficult for them as it is for us, and deep down inside they will always love us no matter what.

[JJ]

My opinion is that there is a two fold thing going on. First they have so much invested in us emotionally-and their own self image and self worth is deeply entwined with us. All of that is threatened when we change so drastically and in a way that is still primarily outside of the accepted norms of mainstream society. Their emotions kick in before their analytical abilities and they usually have ignorance at best or negative stereotypes at worst hammering on those emotions. It can take us years of pain to understand this and they are hit with it all in one wallop then have to deal with it. That is compounded by the feeling that they have lost a child. Almost as if the real us has murdered the child they knew. There is an element of truth there-we are taking away that illusion and all the love and hope and dreams invested in it. It takes time to grieve and let go. Some people never can.

The second reason I think has to do with the pressure and emotion that coming out to our parents brings. Usually it is something we have feared and dreaded. We are highly emotional and having put off disclosure when we finally do it we want -unfairly but humanly-instant acceptance. When we don't get it we get hurt and angry. They get hurt and angrier and a rift can occur with so much anger and animosity it can't be healed or fixed.

Our parents love us and want what's best for us for the most part and come around in time when they see that we can have good lives and are happier unless that gulf has been widened to the point it can't be crossed. We need their love and acceptance. But often want it on our terms. Eventually that love may return even without acceptance of who we are. They are only human in most cases. Of course there are exceptions that run the gamut from instantly accepting to just plain stony silence. And some people just can't accept that anyone -especially their child -won't accept their advise and do what they want them to do. Can't accept that people have both a right and an obligation to determine their own lives as adults. I'm just talking generalities.

If we see our parents as people, humans with flaws and opinions and they see us as individuals and not as a child anymore I think it is much more likely to work out eventually.

Just don't burn your bridges. Love them as they are and hope in time they will do the same would be my advise to people who are having difficulties with parents

John

[Sally]

In my case it is totally a lack of understanding of the problem - my mother was very loving and taught me to look beyond color and faith to see the inner person.

But I have noticed that she has become less tolerant of other religions as she has gotten older, her mind is made up as to what is right and wrong and so many other things - like she has a daughter and a son, not two daughters, there problem solved I am just mistaken.

She got her information from the same church group that has aided in narrowing her views for the past 35 years so acceptance is hard.

Although she is still struggling with the fact that her daughter is now her son, Cher has a better understanding of being trans than most, in the documentary "Becoming Chaz" she stated that she loved being a woman so much that if she woke up one day in a male body she would do anything to get out of it as fast as possible - that is the trans feeling - she gets it and yet is still having trouble dealing with the change.

They remember us at particular stages with great fondness and are reluctant to having that image of their son in his military uniform graduating from West Point replaced with the image of their child lying in a hospital bed recovering from SRS.

We need to understand that it is as difficult for them as it is for us and allow them the time and compassion that we demand for ourselves.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest PaintedWingss]

I don't get it, either. Sure, my father is supportive of my sexuality, my choice in my partner, and so far my gender identity (although I'm working on coming out to them about my gender), but it's my mother who's having issues. I think coming out as bisexual and that I was dating someone of the same sex was difficult enough, since she had this idea that I was going to marry some handsome guy, and she doesn't even really like my partner (for no reason that I can see, which bothers me). But I think that if she knew I was bigender, and not just a girl, that would be a punch in the gut. Before I got my hair cut, I told her I was getting it shorter, telling her it was a unisex cut so it would be flexible depending on what I wanted to wear. After I said that, she told me that she didn't want me looking like a boy and that she gave birth to a girl, not three boys (referring to my two younger brothers). That hurt, and it still does, having those words echoing in my head even though she said that almost a week ago. And as much as I want to bind and use my packer on days that I'm in guy mode, I can't because of her. I don't bind at home, and I hesitate to use my packer, hiding it the best I can. It makes me wish I was back at my college campus, where no one is bothered by my constantly switching gender.

I know she disapproves of who I'm becoming; she's made it clear every time I dress in guy's clothes, want to get my hair cut shorter, or even just oogle over the young men's section in stores. And I can't tell you how hard I try to show her that even though half of me is male, I'm still her little girl, and that girl isn't going away.

However, I can see where parents may have issues accepting these sorts of things, especially if you're an only child, or in my case, the eldest and only daughter. I just wish that they could accept who they gave birth to, not just what.

- Taylor

[Guest ChloëC]

This is something I'll never understand about some parents, (my spouse included). Our younger daughter is a free spirit, several tattoos, several piercings (lip, back of neck, stomach, etc), colors her hair a lot (lately it's a very white blond) and my spouse gets after her all the time, don't do this, doesn't think that's good,etc. Our daughter is 26. Gee, let her be her, she's honest, works hard, went to school and is a licensed nail technician, is reasonably happy where she is, of course she wants more, we all do, but I don't have a (severe) problem with it, because I think we taught her well, and she has taken responsibility. She visits her one grandmother (an hour away) and writes the other. I mean, what more do you want?

I'm fortunate in that my mother (90) is very open minded, as long as your responsible, considerate, actually use your brain, and show respect. Telling her was a little problem for me, but she took it like I hoped she would. I think my father had he lived could also have dealt with it. My step-father? Hoo hah! No way.

I grew up not very athletic, not a dedicated homework do-er, not interested in mind-numbing chores (picking up rotten apples, cleaning that ugly smelling tile adhesive (gold in color) from each tile on my hands and knees using turpentime or something for hours on end, sraping paint for 21 days straight. When you're not the all-athlete (varsity wrestler and football), all A student (scholarships up the wazoo) like my older brother, well, some step-parents look for any discrepancy and attack. I can imagine telling my step-dad. Not.

But birth parents? They should love their child, not the outward physical appearance. How do they deal with children who are terminally ill, or have body parts missing, brain damaged, and all the rest? If you can deal with all those, to me, gender dysphoria is a walk in the park. Or should be. It would appear to me anyway, that a parent who turns his/her back on their child for that, never really loved the child in the first place. And how can you do that?

Having been a child, and being a parent, and now a grand-parent, I'll never understand anyone who doesn't love their offspring. They made the decision to have a child, if you can't love him/her, who can you love.

Hugz

Chloë

[JJ]

Funny how rejection of this type carries forward -something I rarely speak about is the fact that my left eye-which has vision but is uncorrectably legally blind-crossed when I was 18 months because it interfered with the vision in the other eye otherwise. Surgery was risky and experimental. Patching etc. didn't correct it but glasses did-I got my first pair at 18 months. I also didn't get any hair till I was 3 years old.

My Mother was fastidious about physical things and she was repulsed by having a child -a toddler who was defective. I sensed it. Grew up knowing she hated to be around me or look at me. My teeth, when the permanent ones came in were huge. Square and white but big for a girl (Funny that tooth size is a clue to transgender) and I was always tall-being the tallest in my grade school from 3rd through 6th grade and skinny. At 11 I was 5'5" and weighed 85 lbs.

My mother moved to another town to live and work when I was 5 leaving me and my sister with my grandparents where all of us had been living for 3 years because they had a huge house.. I was an eavesdropper and overheard an argument between her and my grandmother in which my grandparents refused to take me unless she left my sister too. Mother wanted to take her and leave me, They didn't want me but would take me if she left my sister too. In so many words. I had no illusions after that and few before even at 5.

When she remarried when I was 11 her husband insisted my sister and I live with them and his son. Luckily by then I had feminized and my eye had strengthened and only crossed when I was tired or left my glasses off too long . My hair was very thick too, So she didn't have as much trouble with looking at me. Still she attacked the way I walked and talked and dressed as too masculine

. The year I graduated from high school my eye strengthened and my good eye reached a point I didn't need glasses. My angular face rounded and I became a beauty. Then she got jealous With some parents you never win.

A therapist I saw, after my divorce at 30 forced me to live with my family again briefly, insisted that I confront her about my beliefs about her revulsion about how I had looked. Mother admitted it-and that she had felt so guilty that it tormented her.. Poisoned any relationship we had.I will never forget her wrenching sobs that day And it did vastly improve after that.

But to this day I will tell you my most intimate secrets and always omit that I was cross eyed in grade school. It lasts that shame and rejection. And I think maybe our trans shame can be the same way, Which is one point of telling this. The other is that my mother didn't want to feel that way. It tortured and tormented her for years. Several times over the years that followed her confession she apologized. We became close before she died. Because I understood she was a flawed human being. She paid for it. I forgave her but am not sure she ever forgave herself. I wish she could have known that I was trans because then she would know my troubled soul and depression were not her fault,

We are all human -we all fail and made bad decisions. What is important is not to judge our parents and those who turn away from us. They are also hurt. Sometimes they can't help or change what they feel. By forgiving we move on. Being angry and vindictive or holding to the hurt only damages us.

Forgive and seek love where you find it instead.

Love

John

[Guest Elizabeth K]

My parents died in 1992 and 1999. And I have no idea how they would have reacted. I would have been crushed if they had disowned me, especially if my mother had. There is a book out True Selves, which explains to parents, SOs, family, friends, and coworkers about us. I gave a copy to my sisters, but they said it was trash. I gave a copy to my now ex-wife, and she picked out every negative part and ignored the positives.

How do we educate our parents, I mean, are we even able to get them to stop and listen to us? And if we as transpeople are not of age, how do young people ever get the credibility to explain?

On the documentary, Cher seemed to grasp the concept of Chaz's gender dysphoria - yet she does not seem to accept the transition - my take on it.

Lizzy

[Guest Mina89]

I can only speak for my situation.

Shame. Without question.

I'm the black mark that stained centuries of proud labor, conflict, and virility on both sides of my family.

I've fallen precipitously from that legacy already, so it's easier to get rid of me and shed responsibility for my failure than to try to accommodate.

-Valerie

[Guest Ann Onymous]

One of hte best descriptions I ever heard is that it is akin to a parent going through the same stages of grief that they would go through if their child had died. It can take different lengths of time to get to the final stage (acceptance) and, just as with an actual death, some parents NEVER get to that point. I was probably about seven years post-op before my mom got to what really seemed to be an acceptance...

Other factors beyond just the basic 'wants' that they had for the child can also include where in the birth order someone happened to be...in my case, I had been the first-born and carried, at birth, my dad's first name as a middle name. The loss to a parent in that situation can be very significant, perhaps even moreso in a small family.

[Guest Elizabeth K]

But isn't it a parental responsibility to love a child, especially if that child loves you back? What would be the shame if you had been born, say, with Down's Syndrome? Would a parent in that case simply institutionalize you, or just give you away?

I know gender dysphoria is usually a 'delayed' birth defect." But the reactions seem so much more violently against transsexuality, than is merited. How can a parent 'disown you?'

Yes, it's as if you had died. But what died was ONLY in their mind. You are really the same person you have always been - even more so after confronting and acting on your gender dysphoria.

Why must the child have to be punished for the defect of the parents reasoning and emotional state - especially at a time we need so much love and support? It's just backwards.

Lizzy

[JJ]

True. It comes down to something we all know only too well.

Life Ain't fair!

And that's not fair!

[Guest ChloëC]

Well, a scary sad story now. My dad had an older sister and a younger brother, the older sister married some drifter and was almost disowned and moved to Mobile, they raised some great kids and I'm in contact with them. My uncle married and he and his wife tried for several years to have kids, several miscarriages, one died within days, and one was born with Downs. This was in 1957-59. They lived like 8 miles away and I didn't even know about any of this for years. The girl was immediately institutionalized and I then started hearing 'rumors' starting in the mid to late 60's of a cousin I had, but didn't even know her name (Anne). Years went by, barely a mention, a fact dropped here and there - that she was still alive. My aunt and uncle adopted (I babysat once for them)then had 4 in a row normally (ain't that the case), and both have since died. Last I heard (late last year) Anne is still alive and still in a 'home'. She must be mid 50's by now. Amazing.

The sad part is that in the late 1950's that's how they were told to treat her, like she almost wasn't there. So Lizzie, you asked about Down's Syndrome, here's a case where I can't tell you if the parents cared or not, because she was never mentioned by them, or their kids. I know more about the one that died young because I've been to her grave. I do know they visited her about once a year, maybe, but still that's very sad. I know she's in a place in central Illinois but it's located where few ever go. She must be getting great care, good!, but how much love did (and does) she get?

Hugz

Chloë

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Amen to that JJ!

It's going to take a lot of educating of the general world. I believe in trying to be a rational thinking person (I know, in the minority). As long as I can, I will try to be an advocate on this, trying to stop the parental rejection. I am trying to make myself available on a regular basis for PFLAG - but frankly? I first am having to 'train' the GLB community on what we 'T' are. I don't even pretend I can make enough difference in the 10or so years I have left, but I am going to try . I await our first PFLAG encounter with 'parents and friends' of a transperson. I have worked with young people, college age, at the LGBT support group, and here on Laura's -but not with the parents of a younger child or high school students, face to face.

Perhaps we all can work to do that. There is grassroots efforts to stop 'bullying' in schools, but that is more universal. What about trying to stop parents from disowning their kids - whatever age?

OH MY - did it happen to you? It seems so common to have that happen - even a semi-rejection (I love you but I hate what you are doing!)

Lizzy

Chloe - I was writing this before I read your post. I wonder how miserable the parents of Anne were their entire life because of that situation, the secrecy, the guilt. Again - life is unfair

[Guest angie]

I will never know if my Mom or Dad would have accepted me or not.

They've been dead and gone 26 years.I like to think my Momma would

have,after all she knew since I was little I liked girls clothes,and

my transition would have made sense.But I will never know will I?

Ang

[JJ]

And somehow even though they are gone we still wish we knew. Had the chance at least at that affirmation don't we?

How I hate that phrase-" will never know' it carries so much sadness in it's finality.

So I send you a hug Angie, along with those whose parents will never have the chance to decide.

Being trans seems to bring up and add layers of sorrow to every event in our lives. If we let it that could add a bitter flavor to our lives. We need a bit of mourning now and then as we mustand then we face the sun and go on finding happiness and joy in other places now.

Hugs

John

[Guest N. Jane]

The 'why' in the case of my adopted mother was simple - she was a complete sociopath - everything for her was "My way or the highway" and NOBODY ever came out ahead with her. My "difference" was evident from early childhood and I was punished and berated for it at every turn, every day, every year. She had no idea that people had "feelings" and if she did, she didn't care. I was told repeatedly that I was defective and they should have taken me back (to the adoption agency - imagine, a warranty on children LOL!) and punished for any display of femininity - not that it did any good because there wasn't one iota of masculinity in me and I could have passed for a boy with a script and acting lessons!

The final straw was when I was 24 and SRS became available. I told her I HAD to go because I had been suicidal for the previous couple of years. She said "It would be better if you killed yourself." (I guess that was a bit stronger than being "disowned".)

On the other hand, I met my birth mother when I was 40 and she didn't miss a step! Her reaction (to finding out about me) was "Oh. When can I meet her?"

[Guest Ann Onymous]

But isn't it a parental responsibility to love a child, especially if that child loves you back? What would be the shame if you had been born, say, with Down's Syndrome? Would a parent in that case simply institutionalize you, or just give you away?

difficult to say, but at least in the case of something like Downs, they would likely have known from an early age and been able to measure hopes and dreams accordingly.

I know gender dysphoria is usually a 'delayed' birth defect." But the reactions seem so much more violently against transsexuality, than is merited. How can a parent 'disown you?'

Yes, it's as if you had died. But what died was ONLY in their mind. You are really the same person you have always been - even more so after confronting and acting on your gender dysphoria.

But 'ONLY in their mind' is an image they had their entire life. That image was shattered in a moment. The transsexual had an entire life to process events leading to that moment. It is decidely not the same thing as the adult child coming in and saying they wanted to dye their hair platinum blonde or they wanted to get a tattoo.

What finally got my mom to reach the point of acceptance was when she came to realization that I was still much the same kid she had parented to that point. It took a long time though for her to process through the denials that she had gone through all of those years where at the same time I was thinking to myself 'but dammit, the signs were all there...you even took me to a shrink before I was 16 precisely because you had found a few things.'

In some ways, it is not dissimilar to when a friend gets married or has their first child. It changes the inherent nature of the relationship. With a parent and the pronouncement that the child is transsexual, desiring surgical intervention, however, the distance that is created is self-imposed precisely because THEY need time to process things.

It must also be remembered that for those of us that are over 30-35, we have parents that grew up in or were raised in a culture that may not have always been tolerant...different parts of the country saw the 60's very differently. There is also the lingering influence of THEIR parents' intolerant thoughts that might exist...how many times as a kid did we say 'I'm never going to be like my parents' only to find as adults, we are much more like them than we ever imagined possible.

[Guest Leah1026]

How do we educate our parents, I mean, are we even able to get them to stop and listen to us? And if we as transpeople are not of age, how do young people ever get the credibility to explain?

It's not our responsibility to get them to do the right thing. I would say don't obsess about it, the best revenge/teaching lesson is for them to see you leading a good, successful life. That should be proof enough for anyone that has a heart. Always remember that although you may want their acceptance, you don't need it. Their lack of accpetance says a lot more about them than it does about you.

I have has some stubborn, ignorant family members. They are so stubborn (prideful?) that even when they are proven wrong they won't admit it. As a result, after my father passes, I don't think I'll ever have contact with them again. I don't hate them. "Disappointed" is the word that comes closest to describing my feelings about them.

Transition is the ultimate filter. Through it we become whole, while at the same time it allows us to see others for who they truly are.

[Guest some ftm guy]

i might have more to say to this later since it's late but thought I'd say this before i forget, i was thinking that parents either:

see their kids as their property instead of separate individuals that just happened to have come from them "how dare you disagree with me I'm your mother you do as i say!" or:

see their kids too much as a part of themselves so think they have any right to control you or do so because they're living through you instead of recognizing your not literally a 30 some year younger clone of them.

or will forever see you as a child even when your head is either bald or covered in white or grey hair. is it just me or does anyone else see that or anything else i listed as some form of mental illness? when your "child" is the same height as you, can drive without you, is dating, has finished high school especially college, is married and/ or has their own family and the parent is still treating their "child" like a 6 year old there is something very very wrong with that parent. i wonder if it's a form of dementia or alzheimers? just a thought. why is that treated like it's a normal parent thing? like aww we'll always be their babies. no. there is something wrong with that, then any kind of life we try to live on our own, that isn't what they see fit, which can be anything, not just that we're trans, they think they can argue their way into making us into what they want us to be. well human beings don't work that way.

well, the 'they grew up in a different generation' excuse I've heard so many times and i don't really let people get away with it since we can all think for ourselves. for example: how racist my grandma and both my parents are against anyone not born in the U.S or just isn't caucasian because they were born in the 40's. really? no, you still have a working brain, you are still capable of your own thought, you don't have to live by what your parents and grandparents told you out of their own ignorance when you were a small child...that was like 50 years ago. grow up parents. how can they not hear themselves and open their eyes and see how their adult children, or anyone in hearing range, look at them with shame and embarrassment, dissapointment you name it.

lastly, i think...lol. is I'm obviously speaking of my own family these last two notes but, some people just aren't capable of feeling love, acceptance, dignity, humility, anything positive because of the tumultuous way they were raised themselves. if they don't know how or why to respect themselves, have never been loved but instead were just tossed aside, neglected and/ or abused all their childhood than how the heck did they expect to raise their own kids any better than their parents raised them. they don't know any better than what they're familiar with which is nothing any child should know. i don't want to go on and on about my family since I've taken up enough space already but you get a few thoughts as to why some parents can't handle or just choose not to handle our transitioning the right way, with love and acceptance.

[Guest angie]

I was the black sheeep of the family,Caught in my Moms clothes,borrowing

her panties,stole,borrowed,girl friends dresses and her moms breast forms,

and caught three times with my stash,wishing I would be(forced) to wear

girls clothes and makeup,just to let my people know my true nature,and

let them know i was truly a girl in my heart and soul.

Ang

[Sakura]

i prolly came very very very... very close to being disowned by my mother. in the beginning. she did not take it very well at all, would be an understatment. it was pride and vanity that almost caused this, my mother is not only mindful of what other think of her, she is also mindful of what others think of her children. your kids are a mirror of your self. and what they turn out to be is a reflection of you and your parenting skills , that went into raising them.

in my family name and reputation is important . in our home town you will not find a single person that does not know my last name. or my family. we are known for having tough honest manly men , and beautiful.... tough women. when i was younger teenage years . if you spoke to my mother. she would tell you stories of my fights. regardless of if i won or lost there was a sprakle of pride in her eye. when she told it, or how my big sister used to be a model. and how beautiful my middle sister is. what you wont here though. is how my mom pushed me into those fights no matter how stacked the odds were against me , i was not allowed to run. or that my big sister was belimic because my mom told her she was fat all the time. and if she was skinnier she would get more work. or my middle sister who is very pretty. but is a sever tomboy at heart. my mom would make her wear dresses and put on make up . even though she would rather wear jeans and a tshirt . and keep her hair short.

so my coming out was a total slap to the face . of not only her but our family. atleast the way she seen it . i went from being a son you could be proud of to being somthing that you don't want any one else knowing about. cause it maybe humilating to the family. and to her.

i think disowning comes from when your parents feel so embarassed by you. that they would just rather wash thier hands of the whole situation, rather than deal with it.

in my case though . somthing surprising happened. my family admires the guts it to took to do this. to stand up and say this is me. take it or leave it . and my mom after a few years. instead of disowning me, found new things to be proud of. like for example . the fact that i used to be a boy. but am now a very attractive woman . but even now she still does it . i can't just be a girl i have to be thee prettiest one i can be. she always critques things like my hair and what i am wearing. i sometimes think if i didn't have the ability to pass so well . and blend in as a woman.... my mom might have went a different route.

i guess it beats getting disowned though ....

Sakura

[Guest Serene]

It truely shouldn't be that way. When I first mentioned how I truely felt I know it really hurt my parents. To see that hurt and seeming dissapointment was like a knife to the heart, and I felt terrible and ashamed. My father never really says anything and that in itself worries me because I know he doesn't like the thought. What my mother told me if I went through the change completelly then that would be the day she buries her son. Those words were even more painful, like a thousand needles piercing my heart while flames burnt my soul. I love my parents dearly and never want to see them hurt or sad. But when I responded to my mother, saying I'd never be gone, never be a different person, and only look different in appearence, it seemed to cast away some of the fear and pain she had, and since she has been able to accept the idea a little more. So at least there's that and I commend her spirit and love she has shown, especially knowing so many others are cast aside by the very people who raise them.

I suspect when a child tells their parents, and if those parents are unenlightened and lacking in true empathy, they view their very child as someone other than their own, someone different. Sadly most humans eagerly attack anything different than themselves. It's a heartbreaking thing, and it's not limited to just us, but anyone who is not the same as their parents. Those kinds of people, those who disown their own children, cause intense suffering not only to their children, but themselves and anyone they are assosiated with, weaving a whole web of pain and hurt.

I really wish all people could look past differences and really love one another.

Love

Serene

[Guest Colm]

For my parents, this was really just a continuation of the norm for them. It's something I've become increasingly accepting of as unfortunate, but true, and not something I can really affect. I wish things were different, and I'm still trying to get out from under all that, but I'm basically just moving on with my life.

More generally though, I would guess that failure as a parent might play a role in the rejection. They may feel like if their child is trans then they have failed as a parent. But I dunno really. I haven't any children, and my relationship with my parents isn't exactly something one could easily generalise from.