What If?

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Prob a hundred reasons. Many people have clothing purges. They buy stuff, and then toss it all and buy it again. It's cyclical but it gets harder and harder. I know some people online who are the same. I see some people who registered in 2009 that had a few posts then come back all energetic late 2010 as if they worked some things out and surprise this didn't go away. I hope some decided this is something I have to do, and have to commit myself fully to like yesterday, and that means cutting the expense of the net and working any job I can to do what I have to do. I'm sure some had spouses find out and were given ultimatums. I hope whatever the reason, they find peace.

Kim - I sure hope they do find peace! Some may just be overwhelmed - I was at first - so much! But it was the kind worded people here that saved my sanity.

OH MY

I do so hope they find peace!

lizzy

[Guest NatalieM]

For me, part of it is that I'm not knowledgeable in most of the topics discussed here to be of any real help and I rarely know what to say. I don't know enough about myself to be confident in posting here. I know I can trust everyone here and I have nothing to fear, I just want to be more sure of myself first.

[Guest Opal]

One of our members who joined around the time I did was an active poster, but after about three months she PMed me to let me know that she did not feel that she could progress any further and was leaving.

I hope someday she will return and say Hi, but the realities of life take their toll.

Huggs,

Opal

[Guest Lacey Lynne]

I don't know how to explain the disappearing members, but regrettably I am a stats geek and I feel I have to point out that any numerical figure applied to the transgender population (and any sub-population thereof) are pure conjecture.

We are largely invisible, and nothing can really find us out pre-transition unless we want someone to know. Thus, all we have is self-identification among a population whose identity is stigmatized.

All this translates to highly contested and nigh-on-useless numbers.

/nerd rage

-Valerie

Righteous rant, Valerie ... love it!

[Guest AlyTheGreatAngel]

Serious question EVER THINK that maybe there pedophile;/ or admirers oh noo for reals I sometimes wonder if there are any lurking around just watching us:(.......it scares me..but serious I joined in 2008 very active up until around this time in 2009 I stoped I had troubles in my life.....then I signed in ONCE from another counrty far away from where I am now(Dont ask) I was sad missed the magic of lauras that I use to have when I was young...after school the horrors of my day got better when I got home and logged on to lauras but like I said that changed around this time in 2009 then I vowed to return one day and maybe around november 2010 I cam back and saw some old faces(Lizzy, donna, ) I MISSED you ladies and now im back and will always be even when im famous hahaha;)

[Guest A Girl]

I think a lot of ts people may leave to take a break, because it can be so overwhelming and scary for someone who is starting to suspect that they are ts, esp someone who never dealt much with it or acknowledged it when they were much younger. Some probably get scared and go back into denial. Though things are much better for us today, it is still pretty terrifying in this society, US, to come out tg anything. I also think for some as one becomes more comfortable with their transsexuality, they have less need for intense support and to talk about their feelings and start spending more of their time exploring their new freedom. Just guessing. I don't post much in the forums anymore like I did when I first started down the transition path. I'm not exactly sure why. Some of it is because I don't want to be the one whose words sent someone down the wrong path (like I have that kind of influence), but it still worries me. I'm also afraid because my transition has gone so well others will assume theirs will as well. Then again I've been told by both one of my professors and my therapist that it is important for me to speak up and talk about my success as it shows others that it is possible to come through all this and have a good life (now I feel guilty because I don't post ) . I don't get to my blog as often as I'd like because I work so much, but hope some of my story there will be of help to someone. My 2 cents anyway.

[Guest Elizabeth K]

For me, part of it is that I'm not knowledgeable in most of the topics discussed here to be of any real help and I rarely know what to say. I don't know enough about myself to be confident in posting here. I know I can trust everyone here and I have nothing to fear, I just want to be more sure of myself first.

You do know we want you here, and if you just say hello once in a while, it will make us smile.

Lizzy

[JJ]

And perhaps some of us have hidden so long that even when we work up the courage to join we find we cannot speak. Or having made an introduction just keep lurking. And some find answers and go seek out what they need IRL.

Because I read profiles every day I know that we actually have members that have been on for years-since the beginning -who log on but never post. Sometimes we have to ask their questions and be their voices because some people just can't speak up in a forum. But they are here. They read and they care.

The reasons given in the thread probably all play a part. All we can do is be here for those who can reach out.

Johnny

[Guest Miss_Construe]

Well, I do have a few girlfriends who didn't like the feel of an online community so they simply sampled the internet for information and to find local groups. I think many of my guy friends did the same but getting guys to talk is a little more difficult than other women. I also know that in my past I was physically abused whenever I tried to express my true self and I carried that fear with me into a support group here in town. Caused me to not go back for several months. I actually flinched, curled into a ball and hastily apologized over and over again when Amy started to come out. That fear is still with me whenever I venture out, especially at work (for whatever reason).

I think that people may have similar fears about any community, online or where they live. They find a community that finally gains their trust and then they become who they really are. I think that is the best reason for having a variety of options for support.

I highly doubt that the number of new members to sustained members is a ratio to indicate those pushed back into the closet. For those who lurk for a short time then vanish there are also the explanations of curious allies or potential allies, SOs and possibly students learning how to interact with our elusive community.

All we can do is be as welcoming as we can (which, I might add, you all seem to pull off rather well) and help where we can (which we seem to do well ).

The fact that this is a concern within this community shows the great amount of compassion and concern that everyone has for our brother's and sister's that we haven't even met yet. God bless all of you.

<3

Amy

[Guest Michaele]

Johnny,

I think you may have hit the nail square on. We have so many active posters, one only has to lurk and most of the questions are answered by someone or another. I on the other hand tend to get chatty, I enjoy some of the verbal fencing that happens in the forums.

Is it possible to get a sampling of how many of the inactive posters are actually logging in and reading the posts? I know you can check the profile and see the last log in, but with the size of this community that would be a lifes work. Having a program do the checking would be quicker and maybe show Lizzy she hasn't lost as many as she fears.

Big Hugs

Shelley

[Guest Sabrina Esmeralda]

As for me: I joined somewhere in 2009, but it took a year before I returned to introduce myself. Meanwhile I tried several times to convince myself to start living as a 'normal boy'. But the feelings kept comming back again and again. I tried to purge once, but just couldn't do it.

It took till my 18th birthday for me and my dad to have a verbal fight, which resulted in me leaving the house in the middle of the night to cool down. I got on my bicycle and just kept on going untill there was a bench. I just sat there, thinking about my life. How it had been, what was going on at the time and what I wanted to achieve. And I realised that I had to start by being honest to myself. So I came back, found the guts to post an intruction and got a warm welcome. Here I found that I'm not some kind of freak, but just me and I'm still learning every time I read a post.

[Guest Elizabeth K]

As for me: I joined somewhere in 2009, but it took a year before I returned to introduce myself. Meanwhile I tried several times to convince myself to start living as a 'normal boy'. But the feelings kept comming back again and again. I tried to purge once, but just couldn't do it.

It took till my 18th birthday for me and my dad to have a verbal fight, which resulted in me leaving the house in the middle of the night to cool down. I got on my bicycle and just kept on going untill there was a bench. I just sat there, thinking about my life. How it had been, what was going on at the time and what I wanted to achieve. And I realised that I had to start by being honest to myself. So I came back, found the guts to post an intruction and got a warm welcome. Here I found that I'm not some kind of freak, but just me and I'm still learning every time I read a post.

My goodness.

NONE of us here are freaks - just the opposite - warriors, transgender warriors!!!

Yes - you are what you are. You are just you - and that is 100% okay.

No - you are not alone.

I hope every post reaches someone - and that some of those posts are yours. Everyone here has so much to give.

Lizzy

[Guest Lauren S]

Lizzy,

I think that you may be right about some people being scared away, but I also agree with the others in thinking that people leave for a variety of reasons. While some may be admirers, who leave disappointed at finding that they are not welcome here, I believe that the majority of comings and goings around here are either people that are just curious, or people who truly aren't sure if transition is right for them or not. Perhaps upon reading about the lives of people who already know that they are true trans people, they realize that they cannot relate to any of our thoughts or feelings, and move on to find out where they truly do belong.

That's not to say that a true trans person would never leave, though. For many people, I think this forum is almost like a school. They come, they talk, they learn, and when they've learned all that they can, they move on to achieve their goals and perhaps go into stealth mode.

I'm coming up on my two year anniversary being on this site and I am also getting closer to going full-time, and shortly after. Although I do not post every day, I always find something that helps me or makes me think when I do decide to drop in (like this lovely topic!). Even after I no longer need much advice from here, I don't think I could ever quite turn my back on the place that helped to make me into the woman I am today. Obviously, many others share these sentiments as there are plenty of full-time men and women on these forums.

I guess people will always flow in and out of here, but some of us stick around for a good, long while!

Love,

Lauren

[Guest mia 1]

People come and go in all sorts of lifes chapters......some stay for the companionship until they realize the path that their friends are on , is not the path they can share with their friends...they have their own resolution and through self analysis and therapy and friends outside of the trans community, arrive at their breakthrough and see that the differences are greater than the similarities of the forum members....but like dropping out of a sport and a club you can never forget your friends, so you think of them from time to time and drop in and say hi,,,

As you said in an earlier post. Lizzie, hey I am still the same person you knew when I was a guy,,,,and you are....so I will always drop by, but I won’t be an active participant, I’ve reached my finish line of gender dysphoria and happy to wear silk, satin and cashmere....I like the tactile feeling and the sense of well being, but I also like jeans, sweat shirts and ball caps.....and the comfort I feel as a guy....and I would never want to give that up either.....

So now you have the answer from a former active mod and member...

I’ll be around to check out the situation from time to time....and be happy for the members who are Laura Centric....

Mia

[Guest Deena]

Sometimes I feel like my opinions don't count for much because I seem to be the thread killer. I try to be light hearted even when people are struggling with issues that I am also struggling with and I may come across as a bit of a flake. But sometimes I am the sad clown. I really like this place and everyone here. I have to go and start a nepotions now. Bye!

[Guest Lacey Lynne]

No idea, Lizzy... But I'm not going anywhere. Not a chance., As long as y'all will have me, I'll be here.

~Syrra

Syrra is sweet! Of course, we want her here!

Ditto that here, by the way. Think I'll tarry a spell ... until they give me the old heave ho.

Besides, this place needs mavericks for balance ... or imbalance as the case may be.

Freakin' Freely Lacey Lynne

[Guest Lacey Lynne]

Maybe many end up leaving when they discovr everything is heavily moderated and they feel they can't express themselves without having what may be unpopular opinions moderated out?

Thou speaketh sage truth, forsooth and anon, I take my leave thereby, Drea Faire!

Lacey

While I can scarcely speak my mind here, I love it anyway; hence, I stay ... much to the greater chagrin of the wider playground community here.

[Guest Misa]

I come and go rather often, I've noticed.

In fact, until now the last time I posted would have been possibly over 7 months ago. For anyone that remembers me I had heavy substance abuse problems and for the large part it played with my mind to such an extent that my therapist told me that even entertaining the idea of transition is completely out of the question until I was in a sober lifestyle.

After being off all the illicit drugs, and even alcohol and tobacco - I'm more sober than I have ever been for at least 9 years. Yet, here I am again, talking with you all. It's the moral support I come back for I guess, its the understanding and compassion for each-other that fills a void for me.

Being off all that stuff, cleared my mind, I told my ex the whole truth and nothing but... she left me, and I don't blame her. The repercussions of all this meant I too retreated to my 'male' form for some time, because that side of me was the only way I could deal with new issues... people know who I am now, but if I present male to the world then its all rumours to them because all they see is a male.

But she is clawing back to the surface, Misa, my true self, wants out. Yet, I have made a new partner already, another female who is stunning does modelling and loves me to the hilt of existence. Having her I guess showed how 'male' I am, "Look at that guys girl...lucky guy!". But really, as she lies next to me in my bed at night, I envy her so much, her absolute beauty and grace. Thoughts I can not share with her... but the funny thing is, I think I'm in love, I'd have children with the girl, a family - honest to god I would.

So does this mean I'm 'cured' of my feelings? I don't think so. I think perhaps I'm a coward, and I'm just becoming accustomed to my gender role... accepting my 'fate' as a male. I hope I'm not setting myself up for a heavy fall in the future... because right now I cant say if I'm happy or sad about my new life situation. I no longer resemble the happy girl in my profile picture and am decidedly more masculine looking - to keep with my new role.

I guess I'm back to talk. I thought I provide you all with some method to the madness of people coming and going... perhaps its because I no longer see my therapist, or because it was all the drugs making me feel those feelings... only... it feels like those feelings are still there, just below the surface. Hmm.

What is wrong with me? I'll never be the girl I started becoming. But can I accept that? Its unknown to me day to day... perhaps I do need my therapist again. Because I'm here aren't I? Ugh... so many questions running in my mind.

Time to make some dinner I think.

Misa.

[Guest amie]

My absence stems from a few points. I've abstained from logging on as often because I've found I'm far more comfortable without reading sentiment of other transsexuals. I log on occasionally to check out some of the topics but most often find myself clicking on the log-out button within ten minutes or so if that.

I discovered long ago my idea of what this is about often differs from most others and their position on the matter. Which is fine..."If it's your story it can't be wrong"

Right???

LOL! Anywho, this community is more often than not a rather cold and dark place. There's so many troubled lives involved and I've found that many of them seem to only complicate such by excessive contact with those "like" us by either internalizing perspective from one that comes across as profound or subjecting themselves to progress post and pics when they know deep down they're an envious peep on this particular dealio.

If you've been on as many forums as I have you know the places have many free-thinkers but far more followers...which is life, of course, and these little microcosms are certainly no exception.

Sadly, the free-thinkers that are genuinely bright and consistently deliver decent points are scarce and often mistaken for the overly imaginative or severely delusional and the followers all too often take the pathetic approach of parroting someone else's thoughts on a subject they've either taken from another forum or seen here in a past thread. As more/less just expressed, the reward for logging on doesn't occur often enough for me and I'm more comfortable than I've ever been in terms of what this means and rarely desire to know how someone else feels about being a transsexual.

And the jealous DO NOT need to be here or on any other TS forum for that matter. Walk away and come to terms with that before involving yourself with this. Better take a fools advice. I'm not financially equipped to embark on the transition journey and I'll admit that some of the reading and transition progress pics are hard to handle at times. Envy is a very pathetic emotion and embarrassingly enough I'm one of the more guilty.

From my experience, in regard to other trans peeps I've either met or have chatted with on the internet, there's so often a documented mental illness involved for which they're receiving social security benefits and I can't help but think sometimes that claiming status as a transsexual is their attempt at escapism. It's almost as if they feel much better about bein' trans than say, having bi-polar, severe anxiety issues, etc. Now, approach that with an open mind and consider that having GD doesn't necessarily make you trans and to some hating the fact they have a mental disorder could embrace the thought of being transsexual as an explanation to it all.

I'd also like to suggest that some of those here refrain from lying to people by telling them they're passing when they're clearly not. It's bad policy and You're gonna end up getting someone seriously hurt. I consider this practice catalyst to a hate crime and it's far from necessary to encourage one to venture out in their desired garments when it's likely they'll be easily spotted by some ***hole hater that would love nothing more than to beat on them. And though I believe that you believe you're doing the right thing and that your heart is more/less in the right place, the fact is there are younger ones on here that look up to the more experienced and genuinely believe you when you say something to the effect, "OMG Honey, you look great!" or "You're so pretty!" or "Nice figure!" and blah-blah-blah...you get the point. Please consider not doing this anymore.

Other than all that, this place doesn't encourage but rather discourages the "tough love" like challenge that I feel is sometimes healthy. Sometimes people need to tell it like it is and hear it like it is and that isn't always something bad but something rather constructive at times, provided the recipient isn't some hypersensitive sissy and cares enough about themselves to at least consider another person's advice on how to better deal with their given situation despite a coarse delivery of the words.

Thank you so very kindly for reading and I'd like to take this opportunity to wish that true minority of genuine cases amongst us the very best in their transition.

[Guest kelise]

I come and go rather often, I've noticed.

In fact, until now the last time I posted would have been possibly over 7 months ago. For anyone that remembers me I had heavy substance abuse problems and for the large part it played with my mind to such an extent that my therapist told me that even entertaining the idea of transition is completely out of the question until I was in a sober lifestyle.

After being off all the illicit drugs, and even alcohol and tobacco - I'm more sober than I have ever been for at least 9 years. Yet, here I am again, talking with you all. It's the moral support I come back for I guess, its the understanding and compassion for each-other that fills a void for me.

Being off all that stuff, cleared my mind, I told my ex the whole truth and nothing but... she left me, and I don't blame her. The repercussions of all this meant I too retreated to my 'male' form for some time, because that side of me was the only way I could deal with new issues... people know who I am now, but if I present male to the world then its all rumours to them because all they see is a male.

But she is clawing back to the surface, Misa, my true self, wants out. Yet, I have made a new partner already, another female who is stunning does modelling and loves me to the hilt of existence. Having her I guess showed how 'male' I am, "Look at that guys girl...lucky guy!". But really, as she lies next to me in my bed at night, I envy her so much, her absolute beauty and grace. Thoughts I can not share with her... but the funny thing is, I think I'm in love, I'd have children with the girl, a family - honest to god I would.

So does this mean I'm 'cured' of my feelings? I don't think so. I think perhaps I'm a coward, and I'm just becoming accustomed to my gender role... accepting my 'fate' as a male. I hope I'm not setting myself up for a heavy fall in the future... because right now I cant say if I'm happy or sad about my new life situation. I no longer resemble the happy girl in my profile picture and am decidedly more masculine looking - to keep with my new role.

I guess I'm back to talk. I thought I provide you all with some method to the madness of people coming and going... perhaps its because I no longer see my therapist, or because it was all the drugs making me feel those feelings... only... it feels like those feelings are still there, just below the surface. Hmm.

What is wrong with me? I'll never be the girl I started becoming. But can I accept that? Its unknown to me day to day... perhaps I do need my therapist again. Because I'm here aren't I? Ugh... so many questions running in my mind.

Time to make some dinner I think.

Misa.

Sweety, falling in love with a girl and wanting a family with her does not in any way put you in a "male role". Orientation has nothing to do with Identity. I'm a lesbian as well, and I'm in love with a girl, and I'm post-op, we're lesbians.

And how in the heck do you pass as a guy. Looking at your pics, i don't see one iota of male there, even if you tried!

[Guest Nekomata]

I think some people leave because they simply no longer need support. Early in my transition, I was really naive and clueless. I needed information and support, and I got it here. 4 years later, I live totally stealth and have little to do with the TS community of any sort. I feel like another case is the people who like to lurk for information to help their own transition and they do not want to socialize because they are too afraid.

I would like to thank all of the wonderful people for running this wonderful site and giving me a place to 'grow up'. The LP staff truly are patient and loving people.

[Guest EllieJay]

For me I think sometimes as a very new member you are not sure if what you have to say is of enough value. I have been struggling with who I am all my life but have only recently come to understood who that is. It is daunting when you are new to anything and reading some of the things that people have gone through does tend to take the wind out of your sails. It is the realisation of what lies ahead that makes you maybe sit back and not say much. I read postings all the time but find at the moment that coming to terms with myself leaves little time to be actively involved with LP.

EllieJay

[JJ]

The reasons people don't stay are legion. As varied as people themselves are. but there is an element that is drawn to the internet because they like to stir up trouble. Because they are so miserable themselves that they can't stand to see people who are not and attack at every opportunity or enjoy spreading gloom and doom. Others just like to hurt people. On the net it is easy because there are no repercussions. And those people look for easy targets like the TG population. Then there are the predators looking for access to easy targets. A short time reading to get the phrases down and the smart ones can pass as TG for awhile anyway.

Being a monitored site makes it difficult for all of those kinds of people. Most just move on to find easier pickings and sites more open to their activities. There is a large population of them on the net -some are even actually TG-and I am sure we get quite a few here that are impossible to detect at first but as I said eventually they find it not worth the trouble. Most of us have been here long enough to have encountered some and some even rail against the moderating that keeps them from easily achieving their goals.

If those people are leaving I say good! Let them go and continue to discourage them.

Johnny

[Guest Deena]

I hate iPhones. How do you disable the spell thing that changes your words? Anyone?