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Is The Road Ahead Of Us Really That Hard?!


Guest Rayne

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Guest Rayne

I tell people I'm a MtF and they say, "That's going to be SO hard. You're SO brave".

How hard the transition is or isn't is directly proportional to your acceptance of yourself and how passable you are and there are a lot of factors in both of them.

But consider this...

No matter how successful you are at the two above categories,

Can the life ahead of us REALLY be that much harder than what we've already been through?!

I've lived 40 years as a man. That's 40 years of torture from being in the wrong body. 40 years of a waking nightmare of going to the bathroom every morning, of being spoken to like a man, treated like a man, dressing like a man...BEING a man when I knew I was a woman.

I've been thinking about what's coming up and I have to believe that what drove me to the brink of suicide and self-mutilation is worse than the liberation I'm going to feel when I start living full time. Regardless of how I'm seen by others.

IMHO, what's coming up is hard - no doubt about that - but what you've come through to get here was even worse.

Rayne

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Guest Keira

I never know how to respond when people call me brave. I don't feel brave. For me, transitioning wasn't a choice... it was something that had to be done for my own wellbeing. I suppose coming out as a transsexual and having to face the world may be considered brave by some, but what was the alternative? All my teen years were spent hiding my true self, trying to be someone I wasn't. I became severely depressed and attempted suicide several times before the age of 20. There was no way I could have carried on like that for much longer.

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Guest mandy05

I believe that carefully planning one's transition can help us to avoid certain bumps in that road that we are traveling on. I've been told attitude can also make a difference.

Regardless of how each one of us handle our own transition, there is no doubt the road ahead is difficult. However I do believe that certain choices we make, including the way we handle our transition can make a difference on how hard that road is. God knows I have already made several sacrifices in my own personal life in order to be true to myself as Mandy. Some of those sacrifices were very painful for me to make, however in the end I believe there is no greater freedom than being true to oneself. :)

Mandy Renee *Hugs*

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Guest Zenda

Kia Ora Rayne,

How one adapts to ones ‘new’ environment is entirely up to them…

If one continues to accept[or blame] and be influenced by external forces then ones life will be as hard as others make it for them…

You have heard of the saying “Out of the frying pan…into the fire!”…Some trans-women who have ‘affirmed’ their gender ‘allow’ others to influence them in a negative way…

Sadly for some the daily gauntlet of ridicule and rejection can take it’s toll and thoughts of ‘regret’ become stronger and stronger because they [the trans-women] allow this to happen…So for some 'yes' it can get worse...

Ones acceptance of oneself evolves around ones confidence and that stems from within-no external force can really impact on another person confidence. Confidence gives one the ability to cope in certain situations…Even those of us who have the good fortune to blend in, if we lack self confidence we will have a hard time coping…

In a nutshell confidence is ‘positive self talk’…[plus being realistic]

“I can do it!”…”I’m a happy person!”…”I like people and they like me!” It’s as simple and as easy as that! And the other good thing is… one can ‘fake’ it to ‘make’ it!

And Rayne it sounds like you have accessed your confidence and the more you show it the more it will grow![it’s got nowhere else to go!]

Metta Jendar[“I think I’m confident-so I am!”]

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Guest Christine-Louise

I have to agree with what you have said, I went through 56 years of sheer hell as a Male, but I began My Transition nine years ago and I haven't looked back, I now enjoy the fantastic and wonderful life of a Female that I have always wanted, and should have always had, so I have to say that it has been hard but only what I was expecting, I don't feel brave just RELIEVED.

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Guest MelanieAnne

I totally agree with what you said as well, and thinking about it like that really makes me feel more confidence. Thank you for making this topic.

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Guest Rayne
I totally agree with what you said as well, and thinking about it like that really makes me feel more confidence. Thank you for making this topic.

You're welcome, sis.

Another poster said she doesn't feel brave when people tell her she is.

But if you think about it, you are.

"Courage isn't the lack of fear, it's the conquering of it".

Think about how much courage it took to go out in public for the first time as a woman? I don't care what the setting was. Whether you went to a shopping mall or just to the 7-11 for milk. At night or broad daylight. Whether you were alone or with someone.

That's a HUGE step for all of us (FtM, too). And to take that step takes a huge amount of bravery.

Think about how much courage it takes to face your family and friends to tell them - knowing they may disown you.

If you talk to people that have won medals in combat they'll say,"I didn't feel brave - I was just doing what I had to do."

What defines bravery is that you overcame your fears through actions - the motivation takes nothing away from that.

Rayne

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Guest MelanieAnne

You should write an inspirational book, and I'm not kidding. You totally have the skill in wording things and the inspiration behind your words to put together something truly uplifting. Look into it.

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  • 3 years later...
  • Forum Moderator

I know that most of these folks have moved on long ago, however reading this older thread was pleasant and inspiring, so here I go bumping an old thread again :)

Confidence makes so much difference when you are out in the world as yourself (Love ya Zenda), no one can take this from me, I love myself and my body and it shows. The MTF path is a very difficult one to traverse no doubt, yet so gratifying, it's like a breath of fresh air to finally be free. For me it's a liberation of decades of trying to fit into a world that defined male bodied persons in such a stiffling manner, all the while knowing I wanted to be the girl, what a nightmare at times. To live as female is the greatest gift of my life to myself, it's simply the best. Not many others may understand this extreme joy outside of these circles, and that's ok, I just smile at the world, it's awesome.

Cindy -

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Guest Guest_SL

Confidence makes so much difference when you are out in the world as yourself (Love ya Zenda), no one can take this from me, I love myself and my body and it shows. The MTF path is a very difficult one to traverse no doubt, yet so gratifying, it's like a breath of fresh air to finally be free. For me it's a liberation of decades of trying to fit into a world that defined male bodied persons in such a stiffling manner, all the while knowing I wanted to be the girl, what a nightmare at times. To live as female is the greatest gift of my life to myself, it's simply the best. Not many others may understand this extreme joy outside of these circles, and that's ok, I just smile at the world, it's awesome.

Cindy -

We have sun and I have a lot of work to do but I had to comment this post. This is so wonderful, so inspiring, so touching. To live that dream! This is beautiful and thanks for sharing this with us.

Why don't you put this up as a new topic (Part 2?) so it can stay up longer?

Sara Lee

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Guest Janice Lynn

However difficult the road ahead might be, nothing really compares to

the depression and isolation of doing nothing. I did nothing for years

and the path I was on sadly meant nothing more than more depression

and more isolation.

Now, this "difficult" road is just that, but now the road is going in a

different direction .... upward, as it were.

As others have said, there really was only one choice left.

Jan

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Hi Cindy,

You're the champion archive-eologist! So many of these posts are timeless - and could go on forever.

People's comments to me about my bravery - whoa! It was self-preservation, not bravery. But that aside... I still am amazed at how darn happy I can be - do blondes have more fun? Well, this one does!

Love, Megan

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  • Forum Moderator

Hi Cindy,

You're the champion archive-eologist! So many of these posts are timeless - and could go on forever.

People's comments to me about my bravery - whoa! It was self-preservation, not bravery. But that aside... I still am amazed at how darn happy I can be - do blondes have more fun? Well, this one does!

Love, Megan

You are living the dream Megan, life as it should be. Your inspiration infectious.

So happy to see you so happy my good friend !

Love

C -

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Guest Elizabeth K

Old subject - six months before I even joined ths site.

All I want to add is this

Q: Is The Road Ahead Of Us Really That Hard?!

A: Yes

And

Q: Was our life horribly difficult before?

A: Yes

And

Q: Will our new life be difficult?

A: I think not - it is already so much better.

Lizzy

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  • Forum Moderator

Truthfully I think we often make it harder than it has to be with our fears and our attitudes as well. But then our lives have taught us to fear and expect the worst too often. When you expect the worst it's much more likely to happen.

For me the fear was worse than any part of the transition turned out to be and living against who I really am before transition was the hardest thing of all. You go through a lot of changes when you come to therms with being trans. And all change is stressful-even good change. But you get past the fear and uncertainty and stress eventually. Sometimes now I think I must be about to be hit by lightening or a truck or something because it's just too good to be true

I never knew life could feel this good.

I've wondered since I was 8 why people want to live-now I know

:)

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  • Forum Moderator

Sometimes now I think I must be about to be hit by lightening or a truck or something because it's just too good to be true

I never knew life could feel this good.

I have felt this too Johnny, it's so good, you just have to count your blessings everyday, revel in all that is good.

It's so good it reminds me of what John Lennon said "Hey you've got to hide your love away", as others don't get it, too bad for them, hee hee.

Hugs

C -

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Guest Donna Jean

.

When you really think about it, everything in life is hard to one degree or another....

Getting out of a nice warm bed in the morning is hard...

But, I really don't see it as life being hard as it is barriers to happiness that we need to overcome....those can be difficult...

Take work for instance....most people don't want to have to go to work, it can be hard, but, there is an end result...you get to eat, have clothes and a roof over your head...

And, closer to home for us here...transition.

Hard? Difficult? Barriers? ...YUP!

So, what do we do?

Well, we have a goal and that is becoming ourselves....

And we fight tooth and nail to achieve that goal and that happiness...

"Hard" is relative.....

Accomplished goals make "Hard" bearable.......

So, is the road ahead "Hard"......?

Most look back 10 years later and while basking in their happiness say...."Nawwwww, it wasn't that bad..."

Huggs

Dee Jay

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Hmmm... I think it would be (must be) harder for those who are trying to transition while in a committed relationship with someone. I think it is hard no matter what - how can it not be? But like others said, Life is hard. When you add the pain your transition causes to the people you love, however, it makes it that much harder. And in those circumstances it is both the transitioner and the partner who have to find bravery. And yes, it is brave to do this. Just because you don't feel you have a choice doesn't mean it doesn't take a brave heart to do it. Basically, there are 3 options for trans people: stay the way you are and continue being miserable in the wrong body, transition and face all the changes and pain that come with that, or do neither (which is to die). I don't think any of those are easy.

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Hmmm... I think it would be (must be) harder for those who are trying to transition while in a committed relationship with someone. I think it is hard no matter what - how can it not be? But like others said, Life is hard. When you add the pain your transition causes to the people you love, however, it makes it that much harder. And in those circumstances it is both the transitioner and the partner who have to find bravery. And yes, it is brave to do this. Just because you don't feel you have a choice doesn't mean it doesn't take a brave heart to do it. Basically, there are 3 options for trans people: stay the way you are and continue being miserable in the wrong body, transition and face all the changes and pain that come with that, or do neither (which is to die). I don't think any of those are easy.

Hi Roxanne,

Staying in a committed relationship was harder because I had to consider my spouse's needs, but the pain was much less than losing one's loved-ones. And I now have a wonderful GG ally to help out, continuity that many lose, and a fierce protector.

I feel like the luckiest person who ever transitioned!

Keep the faith, honey. It does get better.

Love, Megan

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  • Forum Moderator

Hmmm... I think it would be (must be) harder for those who are trying to transition while in a committed relationship with someone. I think it is hard no matter what - how can it not be? But like others said, Life is hard. When you add the pain your transition causes to the people you love, however, it makes it that much harder.

These words are so true Roxanna and thanks so much for bringing this up dearest. The challenges to our loved ones make this journey far more complex. Maintaining that continuity and love in our home vitally important to me with my soul mate, the mother of our 2 children, my most special girl and best friend through this transition. Lot's of communication, lot's of time, lot's of adjustments, giving those gentle nudges when neccessary, they do see positive changes, it's better now than before, my soul mate and I continue to go forward in life helping our daughters and each other in many ways. We live with hope, it's not easy.

Wishing you both the best there in your home.

Cindy -

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Guest Guest_SL

Basically, there are 3 options for trans people: stay the way you are and continue being miserable in the wrong body, transition and face all the changes and pain that come with that, or do neither (which is to die). I don't think any of those are easy.

I like that. Simple enough. You may feel a great deal of pain and doubt. You may feel freer than you could have possibly imagined. Be thankful that you are one of a rapidly shrinking group of people on this planet who can feel anything at all.

SL

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Guest JenMorse

This is possibly the thing that gives me the most hope. I feel like transitioning is something that I need to do. Life will get better afterwards. Brave? No. I'm terrified. I worry constantly. I'm not brave. Nevertheless, it's something that I'm doing because it feels right.

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This is possibly the thing that gives me the most hope. I feel like transitioning is something that I need to do. Life will get better afterwards. Brave? No. I'm terrified. I worry constantly. I'm not brave. Nevertheless, it's something that I'm doing because it feels right.

Being terrified and worried doesn't mean you are not brave. Bravery is going forward to face your fear despite being terrified.

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