Is The Road Ahead Of Us Really That Hard?!

[Guest Janarie]

RoxannaBell hit some things right on the head. Transitioning while in a relationship is difficult. I care very deeply for my wife, which in California would not be able to remain the same (being my wife I mean) same sex is not recognized in Cal. Depression has not been the ultimate difficulty for me. Not being able to be as I wish to be is the ultimate difficulty. Not feeling comfortable going shopping "in drag", going to a restaraunt, movie etc as myself has been the most difficult. It has never sent me to the point of suicide, but it does make me a bit crazy at times. I find myself wanting to lash out at a world that will not help those of us who consider ourselves different. I guess I just chalk it up to PMS and keep moving. I have always felt I could not change what I am, and now that I am, well. . .older I fear that I have portrayed myself as male for so long there are few who would accept that I am not. (My wife always has accepted that.)

[Guest Lacey Lynne]

What a beautiful thread!

Thank you, everybody, for sharing your marvelous thoughts, especially those of you still on these forums! Of course, what Megan and Cynthia Rae say rings very true, because I've been lucky enought to see them both firsthand feeling the joy! What a beautiful sight! I'm SOOO lucky to witness their transformations and very thankful too!

Dee Jay, as usual, you nailed it! What more can I say? So, why am I posting?

Simply to say, yes, it IS worth it to transition if you feel you truly must. The old-timers really got it right speaking about confidence or, in street talk, getting your mojo. THAT'S where it's at! Personally, that took me a while to do, but when I got there, forget about it: LIFE IS GREAT!

One of these days, I'd like to make a pilgrimage half-way around the world and meet Zenda (Jendar). She's such a trip, and I love her posts. Of course, I'd like to meet darned-near everybody here too. Well, who knows, maybe eventually.

Peace & Joy Lacey Lynne

[Cyndee]

What a beautiful thread!

Thank you, everybody, for sharing your marvelous thoughts, especially those of you still on these forums! Of course, what Megan and Cynthia Rae say rings very true, because I've been lucky enought to see them both firsthand feeling the joy! What a beautiful sight! I'm SOOO lucky to witness their transformations and very thankful too!

Dee Jay, as usual, you nailed it! What more can I say? So, why am I posting?

Simply to say, yes, it IS worth it to transition if you feel you truly must. The old-timers really got it right speaking about confidence or, in street talk, getting your mojo. THAT'S where it's at! Personally, that took me a while to do, but when I got there, forget about it: LIFE IS GREAT!

One of these days, I'd like to make a pilgrimage half-way around the world and meet Zenda (Jendar). She's such a trip, and I love her posts. Of course, I'd like to meet darned-near everybody here too. Well, who knows, maybe eventually.

Peace & Joy Lacey Lynne

You know I just have to recognize this wonderful post Lacey, and to go on to say it's a real priviledge knowing you here and in real life. You have had your share of challenges and yet you seem to find the time to come here and give such wonderful encouragement to others, bless you. So now your own vision clearer going forward, and your life enjoyment factor most certainly on the rise, I hope your transition is everything and more Lacey.

Rock on into the future

Cindy -

BTW - That afternoon with Meg and Rena a true classic, talk about display of confidence you were there girl, you were there.....

[Guest otter-girl]

Whatever the future holds we might as well face it in the way we want to be. In all ways, not just gender issues. Easier said, yes. Worthy goal? Absolutely.

I read once about a happiness study comparing big lottery winners with people who had suffered major paralysis injury. Six months post event the general happiness scoring for the two groups was the same. Theres a lesson in there somewhere about satisfaction.

Rachel.

[Cyndee]

For my married MTF friends and partners, in the chance that you have not read this, I found this summary and this fairly recent research to be most valuable reading. Really touches on many issues and provides some good insights from this test group, perhaps this may help those on this most difficult road.

http://quod.lib.umic...919087.0015.102

Cindy -

[Svenna]

For my married MTF friends and partners, in the chance that you have not read this, I found this summary and this fairly recent research to be most valuable reading. Really touches on many issues and provides some good insights from this test group, perhaps this may help those on this most difficult road.

http://quod.lib.umic...919087.0015.102

Cindy -

Thank you, Cindy...

Good stuff!!

S

[Guest Lacey Lynne]

Cynthia Rae:

Whoa, babes, that hotlink REALLY rocks! Whoowee! Yes!

Cindy, I KNOW how much your family means to you and how you're so trying to hold it together which we all surely hope that you do! Megan did it. Svenna's doing it. It CAN be done! May you do so too! As ever, you surely know I'm here for you anytime, any place and am a phone call or text message away.

Funny how life works out ... IF ... you have faith (as a grain of mustard seed) and believe in a better future. I'll be making my way to Seattle (or thereabouts) and, even though I'm a hot-weather freak, I believe I'll finally find a true home, true friends and true happiness. I'm eager to help the community in any way I may do so.

Peace to all of you.

Love Lacey

Postscript:

So, today, I'm ditty-bopping through Nordstrom (and bought yet another knitted top ... sigh ... that place! Get's me EVERY time!), and Led Zeppelin fires up on their music system! ALRIGHT!!! Took all my self-restraint not to burst into spontaneous paroxysms of hale-and-hearty air guitar and grind it out with Jimmy Page!!! T-girl runs afoul of restraint at Nordstrom freaking out to Led Zeppelin with giddy abandon! Wahoo! Mannerisms, Lacey ... mannerisms! Genetic girls DO NOT jam air guitar to Led Zeppelin in public ... mannerisms ... sigh. Am I EVER gonna change? Nah, no way! Rock on! Havin' too much fun!

[Guest Lizzie McTrucker]

Genetic girls DO NOT jam air guitar to Led Zeppelin in public

It's a good thing you can't see me in my truck when a Poison, Motley Crue or Def Leppard song comes on the radio.

Air guitar? check.

Air drums? at times, check.

Air...bass? sometimes, check.

Lip synching and acting like I'm in the music video? check.

[RoxannaBell]

Hmmm... I think I've seen Ellen Degeneres playing air guitar...

[JJ]

Genetic girls DO NOT jam air guitar to Led Zeppelin in public

It's a good thing you can't see me in my truck when a Poison, Motley Crue or Def Leppard song comes on the radio.

Air guitar? check.

Air drums? at times, check.

Air...bass? sometimes, check.

Lip synching and acting like I'm in the music video? check.

Can't tell you how much better that makes me feel about my performances out there alone in the woods. Lord I'd die if another hiker ever popped into view mid song

Johnny

[Guest mikacha]

Life is how you make it sweetie, whether a road is hard or not is all down to you and how you view it. Do i think that being a girl is a hard thing to do in this society?. Not particularly, i am just me, myself and who cares what someone else thinks of me and plus in my experience 95% of the people out there could not give like any form of a damn nor care about what you get upto.

You will always inevitably hit bumps in the road but you have to ask yourself, what kind of person are you. Are you going to be the type that frets over it and portrays that being TS is a trudge through doom and gloom and everyone hates you (I have seen it on other forums where being TS is lectured to be a living hell) Or are you going to be one of those people who pick yourself back up and think "Omg, whatever" and get on with your life.

I dissagree that on this forum some people have answered your question over whether it is hard or not with a "yes", because the truth of the matter hun is that there is no right answer. Saying yes is only based on that persons experience and the experience of others they have spoken to but you should not take anyones word for it because it will be different for you. You may glide through your transition with minimal issue and at the end be able to say "It was ok actually, i had a few small issues but nothing to worry about" or you might face a lot of prejudice and say "Well that was kinda tough and there were some not very nice people involved" etc.

It is one thing that really annoys me, people saying that being TS is hard, because as i said above it is subjective to that persons experience and the only relevance it has to us as individuals is to realise what mistakes may have been made or situtations the person has gotten into and learn from them so we may avoid them in future.

Like anything in life, what you do is as hard or as simple as you want to view it and inevitably there will be pitfalls and problems but it is down to you as an individual to choose to view them negatively or postively as a learning curve.

Loves and hugs

Amy xxx

[Guest Janice Lynn]

For my married MTF friends and partners, in the chance that you have not read this, I found this summary and this fairly recent research to be most valuable reading. Really touches on many issues and provides some good insights from this test group, perhaps this may help those on this most difficult road.

http://quod.lib.umic...919087.0015.102

Cindy -

Cindy,

Thanks so much for the study results. We made a copy of it

and have talked about it quite a bit. Some parts really ring true

to our own experiences.

My wife thought it was funny that some wives really, really enjoy

having someone to shop with now .... because she really, really

doesn't like to shop much at all. In fact, when I told her I wanted

to get a couple pairs of capris for spring and summer she asked

me to pick out some for her too!

That's the downside.

The upside is that we have probably saved enough money over

the years that we have enough for an entire wardrobe for me and

still have enough left over to cover some transition costs!

Love ya, Jan

[Guest Maitane]

I am just starting out, well five month in. I am excited about how I will change with HRT I am slowing getting things organised. Its seems like forever. But its only baby steps now the rough road is telling work and my mom. I hurt for so long but once I came to realisation of who I am it was peaceful that is until I tell my mom. There will be ups and downs keeps friends close you will need their support. But also if you know with out a doubt that your the woman you want to be than you will be fine

[Guest Myria]

I really have mixed feelings about the whole "being brave" thing. I think in the end it really depends on the person and that some, maybe even many, are.

Before I transitioned I was an androgyne. My breasts started growing in my teens, androgynous face, very long hair since my teens. People I dealt with in my day-to-day life had about an equal chance of thinking me male, female, or more commonly, not knowing what to think. I got questions, comments, and flat out nastiness about it on a daily basis. Some people were just genuinely confused, a lot were just jerks. After a while it just stopped mattering to me which it was, the whole thing made me angrier and angrier, I was really starting to hate people and was becoming a virtual hermit.

I started going away for the weekend. I'd go up to Ogunquit or whatever and just be me. Do my nails, wear nice cloths, all that. I'd get to be myself for a while and all the garbage I had to deal with in my day-to-day life went away. It was liberating and pretty much the only thing keeping me sane. Over time I just stopped going back to my day-to-day presentation. One weekend I'd say "Screw it, I'm not taking off the nail polish", a couple of weekends later it would be heels. This went on until one day I said something about "when I transition" to a friend and she laughed at me and told me to go look in a mirror and tell her I hadn't transitioned a long time ago. I realized she was right and started making plans to start HRT.

The thing is it was easy for me, no bravery required. I didn't even make a conscious decision to transition and the only thing I had to worry about was how work would respond -- and given that they needed me way more than I needed them, even that wasn't much of a worry.

I went from being seen and treated as a freak by a large percentage of the population, to being seen and treated as a everyday average person -- something I never imagined would be the case for me. At this point the only ones in my life who know about my TSism are my sister and my shrink, and frankly that's two more people than I'd really prefer knew.

But I've had TS friends who, if one does an honest assessment, aren't going to routinely 'pass', it's just not in the cards. Yet the still go through with it. They hold their head up and do the best they can. They go from, by and large, having relatively normal, if miserable, lives to the kind of life I used to have.

The very thought is terrifying to me.

That, I think, takes some serious bravery.

I know everyone says you just don't let the opinions of others effect you, but I've been there -- I know how soul crushing it can be to have to deal with the comments, questions, and all the rest every single day of your life. But what do you do, GID is even more soul crushing. My hat is off to people who end up in the kind of place I was and don't let it drive them nuts.

Yeah, bravery, imho.

Anyway, you know what's on the road ahead for most of you?

You'll stop being TSes.

Not literally, of course, but once you're through all this stuff it becomes less and less of an issue, less a part of your core identity. Chances are eventually you won't even really think of yourself as a TS, nor even think about the subject more than once a blue moon.

When you're starting hormones, transitioning, all that stuff, being a TS becomes part of your central identity. It's half open wound, half all encompassing obsession. But after a while you stop counting how many weeks it has been since you started HRT. Eventually you get through most of this junk and the whole TS thing becomes background noise, and then not even that.

That's what's down the road, and however hard it is getting between here and there... It's worth it.

Myria

[Svenna]

Myria,

Thank you!

I hope with all the hope I can muster that I will eventually routinely 'pass' and and then forget all about being TS, too...(fingers crossed)

It is the NOT knowing whether I will find great relief or additional heartache that often troubles me...

BUT, as you said, GD is worse than ridicule, it really is...for me, at least...

Thanks for sharing your post-op insights, we beginners need more feedback from those that have travelled so long and far ahead of us, for sure..

:)

Love, Svenna