A Letter To My Mum And Sister

[Guest CariadsCarrot]

I'm going to try to talk to my mum and sister. I don't think they'll take it well.

I've written a letter because my speech difficulties mean that people don't always understand what I say when I try to talk so writing it down will hopefully mean no misunderstandings. I plan to be there when they read the letter though.

Here is the letter. Do you think it's ok? Would you change anything?

I've purposely avoided saying 'transgender' at the moment. Do you think that's a good idea or would you give the label?

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I've been thinking recently a lot about who I am and a lot of things I've felt in my life are beginning to come together to make sense. I feel like I need to explain some of that to you.

As a child you know I was a tomboy. I preferred playing more boy like things and playing with boys rather than girls. How girls related to each other was confusing to me and I didn't want to be part of it.

I also didn't like looking like a girl. We had many arguments about me wearing dresses and I told you recently how I always wanted short hair like I have now. It went deeper than that though. I resented my body for being a girl, especially as I went through puberty. We've had many conversations about me wearing clothes that cover up my figure and I've had problems with eating (either too little or too much) because I've been so uncomfortable with the shape of my body and wanted to get rid of the female curves. Part of the reason I've harmed my body is because I've hated it so much and part of the depression that I've suffered for so many years. Even part of the school phobia I suffered as a teenager was because I couldn't bear having to wear a skirt every day. It made me feel so deeply uncomfortable.

I have had times when I have tried to wear more female clothes, to act more female, but I have never managed to be comfortable or happy that way and have always come back to the knowledge that I feel more comfortable dressing and acting more male. It's a feeling that is never far from my mind in one way or another and never has been all my life even though it's only recently that I've explored what the feelings actually mean.

I feel that I should have been born male. I feel that I should be living my life as a male.

Recently I have asked Donna and the boys to call me by a male name – Gabriel (or Gabe for short) and to treat me and refer to me as male. I have been dressing in a way that I am comfortable which as it turns out isn't always baggy clothes (I've actually bought some t-shirts that are 2 sizes smaller than I usually used to wear) but they are men's clothes.

I have always felt like being called a woman and trying to fit myself into the role of a female is deeply painful and uncomfortable to me but since I have been making these changes and allowing myself to be in a male role I have been feeling more comfortable, happy and confident.

There are a lot of things that are still confusing and that I need to think about and sort out. One of the reasons I have asked for the referral to the mental health team is so that I can be referred to a therapist who specialises in gender issues to help me work all this out and possibly get treatment.

I've looked up a lot of information and I can give you some of that information that explains things from a scientific and factual point of view more if that would help but I thought that it was better for me to explain things from the point of view of my personal feelings first.

I've written this in the form of a letter because I know it's not always easy to understand me when I speak and I didn't want there to be any misunderstandings but if you've got any questions or worries then I'm happy to talk to you about it either now or at any point when you've thought more about it so please feel free to come to me about it at any time.

Because it's quite a personal matter I would ask you to please check with me before talking to anyone else about any of this.

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Please give me any feedback on this letter or any advise for when I meet with them to show them the letter.

Gabe

[Guest _addison_]

it sounds like it will convey your message perfectly. i think its a really good idea to write a letter rather than do it by mouth because, as you said, it will eliminate any misunderstanding. very eloquently written. i wish you the best of luck coming out to your family.

[Guest Emily Ray]

I think it is a wonderful letter and you express yourself clearly.

Huggs

Emily

[Guest Julie T]

Gabe

I read it through very carefully. It is perfect as it is. The only thing I see that is a possible question, is not your fault but theirs. When you wrote '... to help me work all this out and possibly get treatment." They will interpret this as, 'cure you,' so you will live in your birth gender. You see what I mean? So be prepared.

I would hand it to them. give them a bit of time to read it, and then offer to answer questions, which may or may not work, depending how you are physically at that time. You are one brave guy. I just get goosebumps when I think about what you are doing here? I hope and I pray it goes well.

Julie

[Guest CariadsCarrot]

Thank you both. I don't know when I'm gonna do it yet but I'll let you know how it goes.

I'm not looking forward to this. I told my sister I didn't want to wear girly t-shirts any more and you would have thought I'd told her I was going to be taking up a life of crime for how upset she was! Bodes well doesn't it lol.

I'm gonna try to be positive though When I give them this letter.

Gabe

[Guest John Chiv]

Gabe,

Your letter is perfect mate. Let us know when you send it and I am keeping the faith for a positive outcome.

John

[Guest Donna Jean]

.

Gabe....

Great letter, Hon.......

You hang in there......ok?

LUCK & HUGGS!

Dee Jay

[Guest Lacey Lynne]

Gabe,

Your letter is perfect mate. Let us know when you send it and I am keeping the faith for a positive outcome.

John

AGREED !!!

Lacey

[~Nova~]

I went to my group meeting last Friday where I told the group that I had told my sister and father and asked them not to tell anyone. Everyone said I wasn't being fair and that it was not fair foe me to ask them to keep a secret. I only asked them not to tell anyone until I could tell them, but the group felt I was being selfish. The meeting was about being trans and how selfish we are...

Anyway, I have decided I will tell my remaining family today and I plan on using the first line in your letter as my first line.

Good luck,

Nova