Asking For Trouble

[Guest NatalieRene]

So without thinking earlier tonight I decided I was going to go to Seven Eleven for a snack. I got there bought a pack of skittles and a Cherry Coke Zero 20 Oz and started walking back to my home. I had my headphones on listening to music on my phone.

This guy starts walking up besides me as I am crossing the street from the seven eleven to by the elementary school over by where I live. He starts talking to me in spanish and I have no idea what he is saying other then when he asked me for my name. I told him I didn't speak spanish as I kept walking in the direction of my home slightly creeped out. I quickly realized that I really just put myself in dangerous situation when he took my hand and tried to pull me in different direction then where i was headed. I panicked got my hand free and ran back to my neighbors place. I'm not certain but I think he may have been following me home so I made sure to make him see the big strong retired marine let me into his and his wife's house.

So you would think after nearly a year of real life experience I would have known better than to do something but no I was complete idiot. For everyone else learn from my mistake and air on the side of caution.

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Natalie,

I think you handled yourself very well in this circumstance. You did nothing wrong walking to the 7-11 to get some snacks. As is done by so many victims, they blame themselves. It was not your fault that a predator descended into your midst. Of course it is a good idea that one be aware of their surroundings at all time (especially in urban areas), but hon, this was not or ever your fault..OK? By the way, what time of the day or night did this incident take place?

The time frame can be relevant as to your safety. You are more vulnerable going out at night alone.

Brenda

[Guest NatalieRene]

It was at dusk around 8:00 PM.

[Guest MonikaC]

Oh wow Natalie. I'm glad you are okay!

I agree with Brenda, don't blame yourself! You didn't ask to be accosted.

[Guest CrimsonessCross]

So without thinking earlier tonight I decided I was going to go to Seven Eleven for a snack. I got there bought a pack of skittles and a Cherry Coke Zero 20 Oz and started walking back to my home. I had my headphones on listening to music on my phone.

This guy starts walking up besides me as I am crossing the street from the seven eleven to by the elementary school over by where I live. He starts talking to me in spanish and I have no idea what he is saying other then when he asked me for my name. I told him I didn't speak spanish as I kept walking in the direction of my home slightly creeped out. I quickly realized that I really just put myself in dangerous situation when he took my hand and tried to pull me in different direction then where i was headed. I panicked got my hand free and ran back to my neighbors place. I'm not certain but I think he may have been following me home so I made sure to make him see the big strong retired marine let me into his and his wife's house.

So you would think after nearly a year of real life experience I would have known better than to do something but no I was complete idiot. For everyone else learn from my mistake and air on the side of caution.

not your fault...you made it back and glad you are safe

[Guest Julie T]

Natie

Girl? Please be careful, and avoid that kind of thing. Its not our fault always but we are targets. Once the world was safer I feel, but now it is like those predators have a free run of everywhere, I do hope you reported it to the police? Just so they know there is a predator in the area.

Miss you? I don't Skype anymore as I try to focus, like you, on a more normal life as myself. PM me?

Julie

[Drea]

A year really isn't that much time...

And going by experience alone, f one hasn't had the experience before, then it may never have crossed your mind no matter how many years.

I don't think it is a matter of blaming oneself as simply being aware of the risks that come with certain actions.

It is not at all uncommon for MTF to be aware of the risk that may be posed by those who are biased against trans but to not appreciate the sorts of risks that most women would avoid as a matter of socialization or having learned the hard way.

The trans bias risk concerns usually fades as passability improves. When that happens, MTF tend to lose some of that sense to exercise caution and will enter into situations most women would avoid They may be aware they have lost strength, but not truly understand how much till they been man handled, nor do they appreciate just how differently men will look at them and the risk that combination may pose in an isolated situation.

It is not a matter of cowering in fear, but exercise some prudent caution. I also isn't a matter of it being the woman's fault if something bad if caution isn't exercised. It is about an exercising an ounce of prevention.

Fortunately for you Natalie you managed to get out of a situation that could have turned bad and I am glad you are bringing it to the attention of others.

[JJ]

As someone coming from a female bodied experience I agree with Natalie that she made a fundamental mistake. Not a mistake that had to do with being trans except that being trans led her to make it. And was very, very lucky that it turned out as well as it did.

Natal women are early made aware that walking alone at dusk or night is dangerous. Very dangerous. Read the rape statistics. The predators are a small minority of people but they are always out there hunting and looking for women who make mistakes. Natalie made two. She went out at a dangerous time and she wore headphones which kept her from tuning in to her environment properly. Walking to 7-11 in itself isn't a bad thing. Neither is wearing headphones but doing so at evening is. And this guy got way too close. He got close enough to touch. He was not thankfully one of those who grab when they get in range. Many are.

I'm not being an alarmist or exaggerating the danger here. It's one of the things I think poses the greatest threat to MTFs-this lack of the awareness of dangers women face that is inculcated in female bodied persons from the time they can talk. You really do in a sense now move in a different world.

Only in a lesser sense is Natalie a victim here. I agree that in a perfect world she should be able to walk where she wants when she wants. This isn't a perfect world. This is a world where women are attacked and victimized on a routine basis and that needs to be something every MTF is aware of. This isn't about being in danger for being trans-although that ups the potential for deadly violence rather than violation-but about the fact that women are in danger in circumstances that men are not.

Thanks for sharing Natalie. I hope it heightens awareness and helps prevent someone else from making the same mistake. I am sorry it happened.

Hugs

Johnny

[Guest sarah f]

Natalie I am just glad nothing happened to you. Thank You for sharing this as I wouldn't have thought of listening to music as a bad thing. When I do go running I am listening to music and really don't live in the best part of town. I guess I should think about what time of day I do that now.

I hope you did tell the police about this as you never know if this guy has seen you around before or he just might attack someone else.

Please be safe next time if you go out. Maybe carry some pepper spray or something with you.

[Cyndee]

Glad your OK Natalie, scary.

[Guest Donna Jean]

.

He didn't just walk with you....he touched you!

That is simple assault and you need to report it to the police.

What other girl will he approach next and she may not be as lucky as you...?

Do it!

Huggs

Dee Jay

[Guest Daiyu Hurst]

A scary experience, Natalie. I'm glad you're ok!

As a teen and a young man, I participated in a lifestyle (long-haired hippie freak and so on) that left me constantly looking over my shoulder, wondering if I was being tailed by someone who might rob me or even merely follow me to see where I was going. This heightened sense of the awarenesss of my surroundings has been useful, even comforting, since I began presenting as female. But I try to avoid allowing that to lull me into a false sense of security, thinking I can handle an attacker, even though I've had a little martial arts training. Sensei's lessons #1 and #2 in self-defense were a) run, and run.

So you did the right thing!

[Guest Lizzie McTrucker]

I have to agree with JJ on this one. I think the only bad thing you did here was wearing headphones, as by tuning in to your music, you tune out what's going on around you and that guy took advantage of you not being able to hear him coming up behind you. I'm glad it turned out okay but it could have turned out worse.

[Paula ult]

Natalie, i am glad you are alright, i hope you filed a police report, if he tried to do this to you he may have done the same to others, and they might not have been as lucky as you, if you think he knows where you live please be extra careful, even though he may have seen the big strong marine, he knows the marine is not going to be there all the time and if there is a next time you might not be near your home and the attacker could have a gun or knife.

Safety is an important subject for us, there have been others here on Laura's that have been attacked and survived, there may even be some that were attacked and did not.

Paula

[Guest NatalieRene]

Thank you everyone. I am physically unhurt and I will be alright. However while I did have my headphones on and was walking around at a time that was not safe to do so he did not sneak up on me. I saw him to the corner of my eyes the entire time. I didn't think anything of it though because I thought he was simply walking home too. He at first started talking as he approached.

I didn't call the cops and I won't. Because I couldn't give them a accurate description of the guy if I called them to report the incident.

[Sally]

I am glad that you are OK, nothing happened this time but I do have to say that when you do have to go out alone - anytime of day it is a good idea to not wear headphones - you saw him but at sometimes the only clues are audible and the music is the predators friend.

It is a good idea for everyone to be aware of all of their surroundings whenever they go out.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Krisina]

That was a scary experience and I'm glad you're okay. You didn't do anything wrong. He's the one who approached you, he's the one who grabbed you and tried to take you in another direction I don know how quiet the streets are around where you live but maybe not having he headphones on too to be more aware of people around you next time would be a good idea also. Preditors who pray on unsuspecting women. You dont have the worries if you are passing like a year ago, you now are passing. I have been out late at night and I haven't thought much of it but my therapist thought something else of my actions. A woman going out by herself alone is not a good idea. Be careful and again I'm so very very glad that you are okay.

Krisina

[Guest (Lightsider)]

This may not be a popular thing to say but there is a reason natal women tend to go out in pairs after dark. They know they have targets on their backs and you never know when you will cross a predators path. One may even pull up next to you in his car at any given moment and if you are sufficiently alone you could be his next rape victim and it is even worse for the pre-op because if this predator discovers your status it most likely will result in death.

All to often a MtF forgets they are no longer as strong as they once were after being on HRT for a period of time. I would never recommend a female be out alone after dusk in this day and age.

This was a mental adjustment I had to make for my own safety as a MtF who has a back ground in martial arts.

So there you have it, you take serious risk when you go out alone after dark. Some of you will call this alarmist and extreme. I call it being safe and alive. It is also part of giving up part of that male privilege.

[Guest Alexandra89]

To be fair, there are a lot of places I wouldn't recommend a biological male being alone in late at night. But women, trans and otherwise, do tend to have to worry about a few more dimensions of trouble.

[Guest (Lightsider)]

To be fair, there are a lot of places I wouldn't recommend a biological male being alone in late at night. But women, trans and otherwise, do tend to have to worry about a few more dimensions of trouble.

Yeah like Detroit! LOL But seriously you are correct and the cards are stacked against the natal woman and the MtF and I wish Mtf's would remember this before taking unnecessary risks.

[Guest Christine Alexa]

OMG Natalie, I just read this as I haven't been reading this forum very consistently. I'm so glad you are safe.

Something I did 20 years ago when I first considered transitioning, was to read the material they hand out to young college girls to make them more situationally aware on college campuses.

There's a reason I always back my car in for example.

Glad to hear you were unhurt!!

Christine