Using My Name/correct Pro-Nouns

[Guest CariadsCarrot]

My kids have known for a while now that I'm trans and they don't have a problem with it (they actually think it's really cool) BUT although my partner almost always refers to me as Gabe and 'he' and we correct them every time they forget they just don't seem to be getting the hang of using those terms.

I know it's the same childish carelessness that causes them to ignore all the other things we ask them repeatedly to do or not do but it's really getting to me. I'd be more willing to accept that I had to take it if it was because they actually were finding it difficult to accept me being a guy but it's not, it's just coz it isn't a big enough deal to them to make them feel they have to remember.

I've tried calling them Gertrude and Urmentrude to make the point that it's not nice being called the wrong gender name but they just think that's really funny so it doesn't make any impact.

So how do I get them to realise that it's actually important that they try to remember to use my correct name and pro-nouns?

[Guest Fiarlia]

Have you tried simply not responding at all the the wrong name/pronoun? Just sit/stand there ignoring until the catch on?

[JJ]

That is what I was going to suggest as well. It has to be worth their while to work on the change and they just don't understand how important it is to you.

The other thing is to stop and gently correct them every time, Which you are probably already doing but most kids get tired of being interrupted to make the correction

One other strategy is to stop them and ask who they are talking about since it cannot be you,

Eventually it will sink in. believe it or not I am having the same problem with my 34 year old child but more from not wanting to accept the reality of the change. However when I arrived for an appointment she made for me today I discovered she had made it under JJ and she did not mis gender me even once today while we were in the city. A first!

It'll happen. But I wish you the best with it all the same.

Johnny

[Guest CariadsCarrot]

Thank you Heather and Johnny. I guess I just feel I'm being neglectful as a parent if I ignore them. I may try it though...or the idea of asking who they're talking about could be a good way to try. Thank you.

My partner and I have been gently correcting them every time so far and it just seems to roll off their backs without making any impact. It's typical isn't it, if we say anything else they get annoyed at the drop of a hat but I seem to be completely unable to annoy them into thinking about what they're calling me! lol...the paradox of the early teen years!

I'm glad that you daughter used your correct name and pro-nouns today Johnny and I really hope it's the beginning of her accepting it all the time.

I know I'm lucky that my kids have accepted the fact of me being trans so easily. They actually seemed really excited at the idea of me transitioning when I told them. I guess it helps that I'm not the parent who gave birth to them and they've always been used to me taking a more paternal role in parenting from the start.

I'm sorry your daughter has so much trouble accepting who you are.

Gabe

[Guest John Chiv]

My advice is that you tell them why it is so important to you to be called Gabe and he. They might surprise you. You are a very loving man and I bet they will respond better when you tell them how this makes you feel. Let's see how this approach works.

John

[Guest Danny S.]

It took my parents Two years to finally get it right. It isn't that they dont care and wanna hurt you. They probably just forget since that was your name throughout their lives and they don't understand transitioning 100%. They will come around. Just tell them how it makes you feel when they mess up, and keep correcting them.