I guess it's over...

[Guest apostate79]

My dysphoria has been slowly slipping away, and I am once again beginning to accept myself as a man. For the past couple months, the thought of myself as being truly male would be accompanied by feelings of depression and discontent, while thoughts of transitioning would be accompanied by feelings of exhilaration, hope, and uncertainty, but those feelings have subsided in the past week. I am still concerned for the future, since I recognize that these fantasies and feelings, of longing to be female, may never truly go away, and I still intend to see my therapist to try and figure out what is going on with me. Classes for the fall semester have begun, and I am currently trying to get in touch with the local LGBT club on campus. I also have yet to attend my first meeting for the local TG support group and hope to meet people who could possibly get me started crossdressing, but I am still uncertain of what lies in my future. I thank you all for helping me with my questions and for your support.

BTW Has anyone taken the COGIATI?

http://transsexual.org/cogiati_english.html

I'm not sure how satisfied I am with it. I scored a 90, which leaves me somewhere in between. I also found a lot of the questions seemed to focus on outdated stereotypes of male/female behaviour which I strongly disagree with.

[Guest Krisina]

Dysphoria can come and go ebs and flows but will stays there. We are here for you when you need us.

I took the COGIATI a long time ago and I forget how I scored. I'll have to check it out sometime again.

Krisina

[Guest chngnwnd]

I think that it is very wise to keep seeing your therapist. My dysphoria actually vanished for a couple of years at one point only to slowly resurface then build to a crescendo that almost killed me. So....I can only see a net benefit of reaching out like you are doing.

Bobbi

[Guest Donna Jean]

.

The COGIATI test is to only be taken with a grain of salt....

Yes, many of the questions are based on old stereotypes and if you take it a second time, it can be manipulated to the outcome you desire....

They can't replace a good gender therapist!

Huggs

Dee Jay

[Sally]

Well you noticed the problem with the test yourself - as Dee Jay said it is no replacement for a therapist.

Sometimes the dysphoria is more manageable for some it almost disappears but in the end it never really goes away - it always comes back so do not burn any bridges in any direction or you could end up trapped on an island with no way off.

In other words whenever it comes up to a fever pitch again - we will still be here for you.

Love ya,

Sally

[JJ]

Sometimes I wonder if these periods when the dysphoria wanes aren't the mind, needing a break from the stress of GID, just walling it off for awhile. Because from everything I have read and heard and felt it isn't really gone. Nor do people later look back on those times as good times in their lives.

I've noticed the same thing with other great stressors in my life-there comes a point you just can't feel the fear or misery anymore for awhile-then it comes back. Sometimes worse. It wasn't ever really gone. Just walled off-and the effects weren't diminished because it is really still there.

Just an idea to think about. Our minds are incredibly powerful at protecting themselves.But in the long run I suspect these periods are actually counter-productive and make us worse when they end.

I'm very glad you will continue seeing your therapist. They will be very familiar with this pattern.

Johnny

[~Nova~]

I cannot tell you how many times over the years I took all my clothes and dumped them. That's it, I'm done with this. Yeah, right. Not only did it come back, it came back stronger and stronger until one day I just gave in and stopped fighting. One of the happiest and saddest days of my life.

Good luck. We are always here for you no matter what you choose.

Autumn

[Guest Donna Jean]

....one day I just gave in and stopped fighting. One of the happiest and saddest days of my life.

Autumn

Good to hear someone admit that.......I understand completely...

Huggs

Dee Jay

[Guest Krisina]

I cannot tell you how many times over the years I took all my clothes and dumped them. That's it, I'm done with this. Yeah, right.

I know for me over the years I have had it a few times where I thought it had been a phase I was going through and it wasn't affecting me I thought. I thought to myself just chuck out the clothes I had acquired, give them to a charity, go back to living a normal life, I'm fine now. I only ended up wishing 6 months or a year later that I wish I hadn't gotten rid of the clothing.

Krisina

[Guest andy79]

I can't tell you how many times I thought I've put it away for good just to go right jack thru the same vicious cycle again and again. The way i tend to describe it is like starving yourself for days until you get so hungry you eat till your about to pop. Lol thru my experience its best to just pack up your clothes and what not in a box tuck it in a corner of put it in storage until needed cause if you toss it your gonna regret it in the end. Like johnny says your mind is a powerful tool sooner or later everything needs a break. Your brain might've just kicked on the auto pilot for a bit to recharge. Just go with the flow and if needed someone will always be hear to listen and support.

Andy

[Guest Svenna]

Lots of valid points already made by the lovely folks before me, so I'll just add 'If I had a dollar for every time I thought it was over, I'd have enough money to get the surgery and be done with it'....

I hope, for your sake, that this has indeed just been an interesting interlude in your life. That would be great! Nobody volunteers for being trans and then stays on for the heck of it. Trans-folk are at the mercy of their trans-ness, plain and simple...

If you are trans, we hope you rejoin us here where we can gather and help one another. If not, it has been swell, and I hope for all good things to come your way...

That said, my dysphoria would sometimes 'disappear' on the eve of some big, new development in my life, especially those that were non-conducive to my true nature. The mind IS incredibly active in seeking ways to cope with stressors. Sometimes being trans is just way too much to cope with in addition to competing needs from the world, family, career or even your vested male 'self'...

Can't say what is right for you, but I will tell you what I have found to be true and I won't pull punches. If you are trans, there is no such thing as 'growing out of it'...

I wasted decades in denial. Decades that I could have been fabulously beautiful. Now I am old and tired and I STILL need to be a woman on the outside, still need to be recognized for the little girl I am on the inside...

Here's to it being just a 'passing phase'!

Good luck with that...lol!

Love and best wishes on your path to where ever it may lead, Svenna

[Guest Svenna]

....one day I just gave in and stopped fighting. One of the happiest and saddest days of my life.

Autumn

Good to hear someone admit that.......I understand completely...

Huggs

Dee Jay

Yes, indeedy! A double-edged sword, to be sure...but at least we are armed with something now, even if it does cut both ways...

Living and learning, trying and crying, Love, Svenna

[Guest (Lightsider)]

Since I transitioned I have felt no dysphoria. Now I am just living my life. but before I took that major step I remember the dysphoria being stronger at other times. Only thing that gets me down now is knowing I will be alone the rest of my life.

That gets depressing at times. This path is not for the lighthearted. Think well before taking the steps to transition. Even though I know I will be alone the rest of my life, I know I made the right decision for me.

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Apostate,

Never take one instance of your life as the definition of who you are. The understanding of being transgendered is evolving. As you mature and get to understand yourself more, you will feel more comfortable with where you want to be. In the mean time, understand that each day is where you should be. Where those days ultimately finds you is only your destiny. I could provide you with my own history, but I don't think that is what you need now.

What I want you to walk away with is that you are OK at all times.

Love

Brenda

[Guest Svenna]

Since I transitioned I have felt no dysphoria. Now I am just living my life. but before I took that major step I remember the dysphoria being stronger at other times. Only thing that gets me down now is knowing I will be alone the rest of my life.

That gets depressing at times. This path is not for the lighthearted. Think well before taking the steps to transition. Even though I know I will be alone the rest of my life, I know I made the right decision for me.

Lightsider,

While I admire your dedication to your true self, even if it means 'being alone for the rest of your life', I just cannot accept it as a true statement. Love can find anybody, anywhere. You must be open to it and be willing to work towards it. I'm not trying to come off as an expert on the issue, far from it, but I have seen some wonderful things come to pass for folks with far greater issues than being trans...

I wish you love and acceptance in great abundance. You deserve both from yourself and others...

Best wishes on this difficult road...Svenna

[Guest UnfortunatelyMatt]

I see where you are coming from. My dysphoria bother's me every day. Some days I can forget about it because I'm use to the feeling but most days when I'm not doing much it can be hard to bare. I play video games on a competitive level and use to travel to events. I've been gaming since I was about 5. I would game 16 to 17 hours a day just to keep my mind off of it, after I realized it helped make the time go by. Unfortunately it's not working anymore. But, after talking to my Mom, and some help from jj, I think I'm making a good stride to becoming my true self, and coming to terms with who I am. There were days I'd look in the mirror and be ok with my appearance, but most days I'm not.

I'm glad that you've begun to accept yourself, and it seems you have plenty of support if you need it. And I'll be here with everyone else if you need us .

[Guest leela_anima]

this has been a very enlightening thread, but what i've def confirmed is that this is a lifetime thing as par other research i've done... i guess the sooner you figure it out the better knowing that you'll deal with for the rest of your life! i really should start thinking about mine lol...