Going back to real life

[Guest N. Jane]

I have been hanging around these forums for about 10 years and recently it has become increasingly obvious to me that it is time I let go of the distant past.

As you may know, I ‘transitioned’ in 1974 at the age of 24 but I put transitioned in quotations because I never really passed for a boy before that. From earliest childhood I always thought I WAS a girl, from 8 onward I just thought I was a freak. I was assessed by pioneers like Dr. Harry Benjamin and aided by the likes of Dr. Stanley Biber. Often I was the first Transsexual many medical professionals had ever seen. At 24, with surgery, I KNEW I was just a girl like any other and lived my life accordingly.

Many years went by and I didn’t think about my medical past very often - it was irrelevant to my daily life. It was not until 2000 or 2001 that I began to wonder what life was like today for people like me in the new millennium and ventured out through the safety of the Internet to find out.

Things had changed a GREAT DEAL! And that is a good thing. “People like me” were on Oprah Winfrey, Barbara Walters and other respectable and mature shows. People like me were finding support, acceptance, and help as young as age 7! WONDERFUL! Much else had changed as well. Transsexualism was under the GLBT banner, medical help was no longer limited to the passable Type VI transsexual, and it had largely become about money: anyone with enough money to pay had access to surgery and “gatekeepers” made money by long term counseling (rather than a single assessment of mental competence). The desirability of the latter changes are for others to decide.

In the past few months I have found myself drifting away from the on-line community. My experiences (as a child and a teen) were relevant only as a historical perspective and my life 24/7 has nothing to do with my childhood and no relevance to ‘the community’. If I tell someone of my childhood these days, I get a blank stare - it doesn’t register - or a “So?”. Even dating I get the same thing - a lank stare.

The evolution has been from I thought I was a girl, to freak, to Transsexual, to I AM a girl, to I was Transsexual, and eventually to I am just another girl, where things stand today; and where they began has become irrelevant; the past is incomprehensible to those in my life, and it is time to let it go and just live my life for the present and the future.

And so I bid adieu to the community. I hope you find your dreams (as I have).

(I will not be checking back for replies.)

[Michelle 2010]

Interesting post. In my support group yesterday we were talking about "giving back" vs. going "stealth". The GT, or "gatekeeper?" was cautioning to never judge those going stealth for so many among us had never wanted anything in life more than to just "fit in", and upon finally achieving it, who's to say its selfish to simply live one's life as most people on the planet do....

Michelle

[Carolyn Marie]

Thanks for dropping by, Jane. It's a shame you decided that you had nothing you care to give to the Community. You could have been a wonderful resource. I admire your courage to have gone through it all long before it was a relatively accepted thing to do. I have all the respect in the world for the pioneers.

I do not begrudge your decision, although I wish it was a different one. I wish you health and happiness on whatever road life takes you. Be well.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Guest Donna Jean]

.

Good luck, Jane.......it's been great.......

LOVE

Dee Jay

[Drea]

Thank you Jane, I understand your feelings. In the end nobody wants to hear much of what someone who had transitioned is going to say unless it supports their fantasys.

Edited September 13, 2011 by Drea
correct "rants" to "wants"

[Carolyn Marie]

Drea, I could not disagree with you more.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie