Coming out to friends old and new.

[Guest Risu]

I recently just came out to two of my closest friends. One is a fairly new friend and one is an older friend.

Last night I came out to a new friend that I have been getting very close to. We've been doing a lot of online gaming together and such and he really seemed to like me... like crush like me. He's only known me as a female, and we've done voice chat and such and I felt that, if we were going to have a sincere and genuine friendship he needed to know before we continued to get close. Plus... I figure it's easier to be told off by someone you've only been friends with for like a month than it is to be by someone you've have a longer more detailed friendship and history with.

I was very scared to do it... I was crying the whole time I was typing it out to him. My therapist agreed that this was the right decision. it took all of my courage to be sure... and when I was done explaining, he told me he was cool with it, and that it wasn't going to affect our friendship, and yes I told him in pretty exact detail so there could be no mistakes. After I told him we IM chatted a bit more, and then we voice chatted while playing some Dead Island on Xbox Live and he acted exactly the same as he had been for the last 3 or 4 weeks we've been gaming together. He hasn't treated me differently at all. Even today he seemed to be looking forward to chatting with me when I logged on windows live messenger. I suppose because he's only known me as a female it's much easier for him to accept it and not feel he need to treat me differently. Whatever the reason, I am elated that he accepts me, and I know that from here on out our friendship is 100% genuine, sincere and honest.

Just before I wrote this post... I finally sent an email to a friend of mine I've known for about 13 years. Since I was in the 6th grade and he was in 5th grade. I don't think that telling him I am trans will be a huge surprise to him considering he probably thinks I'm gay anyway, I mean I've always been mostly myself around him. I did have to guy it up a little bit in the way I talk and stuff but I've always been able to more or less share my real feelings around him and not worry about putting him off... Still... I am pretrified... I'm totally sick to my stomach with fear. But I had to tell him...

He was planning to come out in a couple weeks to visit and help my grandmother with some work she needs done. He's out of work at the moment and really needs the money... I am already on HRT and having Electrolysis and so I figured he needed to know before he came out to avoid any awkwardness... I don't know if he's reading the email right now or not but... when he finally does... I honestly have no clue how we'll take it. I mean, he's not homophobic and he's not really a hater. He never talks bad about LGBT people but he has mentioned a couple of things that were kind of on the negative side about trans people. I can't remember exactly what now though, I just remember noting that in the back of my mind. I am hoping that means it's really nothing to worry about.

So, please everyone, wish me luck... Hopefully I will be fortunate and still able to keep two of my best friends through this long and painful journey. I just can't wait to get a reply and find out if the friend I emailed today thinks he can accept me and still be my friend. My stomach is in knots... and it's empty but I don't think I'll be able to eat until I know.

Wish me luck everyone and I hope I did the right thing...

~Risu.

[JJ]

Risu, I wish you all the luck in the world with your old friend. Often old friends do know that something has been going on all along and are fine. I hope that is the case here. Actually I think it's likely.

And congratz on how your new friend reacted. Excellent!

I think the dialogues that have increasingly been taking place in the media are already having an effect and many people no longer hold those old stereotypes.

Hugs

Johnny

[Guest ericah86]

Risu,

You are very strong for coming out to these people! It is really encouraging to read this story and I'm glad you shared it. I will need to worry about this sometime in the (hopefully) not too distant future.

Curiously enough, my boyfriend is playing dead island as we speak (I had to ask him if that's what he's playing). He's on playstation 3 though.

Ericah

[Guest Mia J]

Risu,

First congratulations with the new friend. I am happy for you it went well.

I wish you all the luck in the world with you other friend. Things will probably be just fine.

What you have done takes a lot of courage.

Mia

[Guest Shari]

Rise,

I hope for the best for you. You did the right thing and I know it took a lot of courage.

Hugs,

Shari

[Guest Risu]

Well... I am actually really shocked.

My friend of 13 years read my email and sent me a text message saying it was cool and he already had an idea and that we'd always be friends. Honestly I wasn't really sure what to expect and it all seemed to work out okay. If only my family found it so easy to accept and support me...

Thank You all, for the well wishes and support. It was definitely one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life but it was worth it, and I would still say that had things gone otherwise. All of your kindness and support definitely made things much easier and I truly, truly appreciate it.

*Hugs*

~Risu.

[Michelle 2010]

I salute you on your courage Risu.

I just posted this an hour ago on another thread but it seems appropriate here too: The only thing I can add is that nothing occurred without overcoming fear, taking some risks, and moving forward

My experience of the last 6 months has been every one of the 10 or so people I came out to has been supportive and accepting. Overcoming fear was a huge issue. Yesterday I cooked dinner for SO and friend in femme for the first time and will do more of it. Today I outed myself to a female customer of 10 years. She'll be at the next dinner For your benefit I will also say that every time I did it, it got easier... to the point that today it was almost conversational. Btw, I keep a photo in my phone so they don't have to use imagination, lol! When we feel good about ourselves, it comes across to the person we are telling. Particularly in person this is important, since so much of communication is nonverbal. If you are not uptight and tense, it is conveyed to the person you are talking to, right?

I couldn't tell from your post if you had a bad experience telling family or if you just fear it may occur. If it is something you plan on doing in the future you may want to get used to telling friends and getting ok and self accepting with the whole thing. That way, you communicate from an "I'm comfy with who I am" state of mind and that is communicated. Even if they are unaccepting, the world isn't crushed if your peers and friends are ok with it....

Again, Crongratulations!

Michelle

[Guest John Chiv]

Risu,

You took some brave steps, confronted fears and I am very glad of the outcome. This speaks highly of you and your friends.

John