wife found out

[Guest Melissa Lissa]

Okay, so my wife was getting the house ready to move and found my cllothes.

Her first assumption was that I was cheating on her. Then she thought my admiting to crossdressing was just a lie to convince her I wasn't cheating, she even wanted me to put them on to convince her, which I didn't do because it felt like it would have been degrading to do so.. Then after a bit I did convince her that they were my clothes.

She's fine with me crossdressing, her exact words were it's adorable..., what she's upset about is me lying to her. She's upset that we've even talked about crossdressers, like the one she's writing about and I never said I was. And yet I'm still lying by only saying that I crossdress. I need sit down with her and tell her the truth because otherwise she wont trust me.

It's so hard to do though. I've never beem honest about being ts, not even to myself, so being honest with someone else is scary, let alone someone else that holds my heart and has such a huge influence on my life.

So at some point after the craziness of today, I'm going to sit down or clean stuff up with her and just tell her the truth,most of the truth, so that I'm no longer lying.

Wish me luck.

Melissa

[Cyndee]

You are doing the right thing Melissa, time to try and get this straight with the person you love. This is not easy, I disclosed my cross dressing with my wife before we got married (over 28 years ago), and am still having to make adjustments today, it's ongoing really. Glad she thinks it's "Adorable" that's a good start.

Best of luck

Hugs

Cindy -

[~Nova~]

It's tough thing, but now that it's fresh, don't lie anymore. Tell her how you feel. The lies will just add up again and it's not fair to her. I know, kettle black and all, but I still wish I had the guts to come out when I had the opportunity. I would have saved myself years of troubles and b that much further along in transition.

Good luck. be open, be honest.

Autumn

[Guest Risu]

Good Luck Melissa! I know its difficult but it will be worth it in the end, though being TS isn't exactly "cute" like crossdressing is I am sure she will appreciate your honesty and hopefully you will be able to work things out.

[Guest Mia J]

Well, I know in one of your other posts I said to wait until you moved.

But this opens up a door that was not there before.

I can understand her being upset because you were afraid to tell her about it. She feels a lack of trust. But the good thing is that she us upset because you did not tell her about it. Not that you are doing it. Her response was great and this is a good start.

Mia

[Guest Melissa Lissa]

Well, last night didn't really go as planned. I knew yesterday would be crazy, with making sure I had the new job and quitting my old.

And then she was really stressed from dealing with her family and the house we're moving into.

And then we went to dinner, and I got tipsy. We came home and watched an episode of psych and I got drunk (which I think she planned because she asked for her bottle of wine, so of course I got hers and then got mine and I went and drank all of mine). Then we started moving furniture downstairs. What was I thinking carrying heavy things while drunk? Oh yea, I wasn't. But no harm done, my muscles don't even feel like they were moving furniture last night.

So, due to the above reasons, I know I know, they're just excuses, we didn't talk about it much. When we were dead tired from moving stuff and her making me try on old pants to decide whether they go to goodwill or not (That was awesome, I fit into most of my old pants, dropping 40 lbs. this year was fantastic), I was lying on the floor after falling over taking the last pair of pants off, and also in protest of doing any more moving, and she brought up something regarding the crossdressing and I did say something about how when I was younger I learned that it wasn't cool to, when choosing a character from Gilligan's Island to pretend to be in kinderkarten, choosing MaryAnne wasn't accepted and I did mention that I had some degree of dysphoria, which she seems to know what that meant (she does like watching ts documentaries and things, sometimes that's good, sometimes bad).

But talking about anything while drunk isn't good for me, my tendency to lie and be good at lying is much higher when drunk. Ugfh, this is such a bad time to be coming out to her, there's so much going on, and yet if I do continue to be dishonest, she'll be upset that I was dishonest. But dishonesty regarding being ts is something I've had 27 years of practice with, it's almost part of who I am.

Well, I'll give it another shot tonight, maybe I'll go thaw something so I can cook for her tonight and discuss it over dinner. Last night it came up at dinner, but I'm not comfortable talking about it in public, even if we were in a nice secluded bar booth.

Melissa

[MackenzieB]

It's my experience that letting her know right from the start is more favorable. The first time I did HRT my wife found out about it after I was on it for about 6 months. That wasn't pretty. This time I told her right away, no problems. But then again only you have any idea of how your wife is going to take it. My I told my wife about my being TS I also had a huge stack of information ready in case she had any questions. And we sat at the computer and looked at some sites regarding being ts together.

[Carolyn Marie]

No matter how you do it, it will be the hardest thing you've ever done. Please don't come out to her while intoxicated; that's never a good idea. You need to have ALL your faculties about you.

It is possible to be truthful and have her forgive you for the past lies. It depends on how you explain why you did it, and if you are sincere. I not only had to explain not telling my S/O about it through 20 years of marriage, I had to explain not telling her about Laura's Playground and seeing a G.T. for 3 months. My sneaking around getting computer time on Laura's made her think I was having an affair, so I certainly sympathize with you there.

Despite the difficulty and the pain, I felt so relieved coming clean. I think you will, too. Good luck!

HUGS

Carolyn Marie