Bathrooms and Dressing Rooms...when to change over?

[KieranD]

Hello, all.

Although I would prefer that all bathrooms and fitting rooms not be gender specific, I know that option doesn't exist in many places. Gender neutral bathrooms can be hard to come by, and many clothing stores really enforce their policy on which fitting room to use. Locker rooms however are a bit too extreme of an issue for this whole topic (IMO) soooo lemme go back to what I was planning on discussing.

I've been transitioning for many years, and although my number 1 choice for bathrooms and fitting rooms would be "gender neutral" or "unisex" I know that doesn't happen, which makes my number 2 choice male/men's. Unfortunately after 11 months on hormones I'm still seen by the general public as a woman and am typically forced/uncomfortable with using the men's restrooms, fitting rooms, etc. I worry mostly about my safety above all else when it comes to these interactions. What choice will cause me to least stand out, get into a scuffle, or worse? So far it's only been the women's. I just am not able to quite cross over the threshold and use the men's.

Of course this bothers me, and I would presume that others that are in my situation or a similar situation would also be bothered. So, I wanted to know about other's experiences, and when all of you felt it was time to use the bathroom or fitting room you wanted/needed (the fitting room or bathroom of the gender you identify as). How do you know it's time?

[Guest Amethyst_Redemption]

I would error on the side of the woman's room personally, but I am a little scared of men.

I would check the state laws for bathrooms and gender expression.

http://www.transgenderlaw.org/ndlaws/index.htm

http://www.transgenderlaw.org/resources/tlcschools.htm

People will also start letting you know. You will start getting weird looks while going into the 'wrong' bathroom and some will even try to stop a male presenting individual (FtM) from entering the Woman's room.

I would switch when it feels comfortable.

April

[Carolyn Marie]

I began using the women's restroom when I began dressing en femme in public, had gotten a fair degree of confidence in my ability to pass, and had my therapist's carry letter. The letter won't solve all problems, but if someone did question you, it might get you out of a jam. I don't recall anyone on these boards ever reporting having to show their letter to authorities or store management.

At work, I did not use the female restroom until I went full time and had my legal documents changed.

Only you can know what you feel comfortable doing, hon. Just be careful, OK?

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[KieranD]

I don't have a letter or anything. I guess it's a bit different since I've been dressing as myself since I was maybe 10, and I guess being active and trying to get people to see me as me for 7 years or so.

[Guest Elena]

Well, my cue to switch was a guy jumping to open the mens room door for me from INSIDE the restroom... and THEN checking to make sure he was in the right bathroom. Since I was nominally presenting male when that happened a couple weeks ago, I figured the ladies room would be the safer bet from now on.

I think this is a slightly easier switch for MtF though, as safety is less likely to be a problem in the ladies room. In fact safety is, I would think, a significant motivator for MtF. While for FtMs it is safety that prevents making that change.

<3y

Elena

[KieranD]

Well, my cue to switch was a guy jumping to open the mens room door for me from INSIDE the restroom... and THEN checking to make sure he was in the right bathroom. Since I was nominally presenting male when that happened a couple weeks ago, I figured the ladies room would be the safer bet from now on.

I think this is a slightly easier switch for MtF though, as safety is less likely to be a problem in the ladies room. In fact safety is, I would think, a significant motivator for MtF. While for FtMs it is safety that prevents making that change.

<3y

Elena

For me, I've used or tried to use men's bathrooms and fitting rooms too early which I guess has helped create more discomfort and confusion. I was kicked out of a gay club for using the men's room. Another occasion I was at a very large clothing store. The men's section was on the first floor with the dressing room being furthest away from the escalator. The women's section was on the second floor with the same story. I went in, picked out clothes in the men's section and found the nearest fitting room. The person there said I would have to use the one in the women's section. So I walked across the entire store, up the escalator, then across the store again.

I know that where I live there is no law for trans/gender varient people (I've been working on getting the dang thing passed for 5 or 6 years).

[Guest Haidos]

hey it's either when you're comfortable or start getting external signs.

i've had a mixed response with changing rooms, one time i was ushered into the mens by the assistant person and i was confused coz i wasn't binding or anything (maybe it was the clothes i wanted to try) but at a later time i went, like you, to a big department store where the different sex changing rooms are on different floors and was with my male friend whom they let in but said i'd have to use the kids section... MORE confused as to whether they thought i was a prepubescent kid (i was probably 17) or what that was about :L but i generally know the size and just buy stuff now.

with bathrooms i'm aLOT more uncomfortable. i've only used the mens twice, on the same night at a pub lockin with four other guys, they saw me as female but i think we were too drunk to care. but i now haven't used public restrooms in over a month and i don't know when/if the next time i use one which bathroom i will use.

[Guest Owl]

I switched when I realised I couldn't pass as a guy any more. When I was in the hospital, they specifically forbid me from using the female washrooms but I told them that it was dangerous and refused to comply. I didn't make any drama about it though and when they saw that none of the other women complained, they left me alone.

[Guest AiAmAngel]

Easy!

1 go shopping

2 pick out clothes

3 go to the dressing room

4 ask which way

5 go whichever way the attendee points

Personally, if i'm out and about, I go to the women's everything. But, then again, no one's ever made an issue for me and my voice helps a lot as I do have to talk but rarely have people stand there and stare at me.

[KieranD]

So, if one is not read as the gender they identify as (or more closely identify as) they should use the one for their assigned gender? Even after transitioning for years?

[Guest ranse]

So, if one is not read as the gender they identify as (or more closely identify as) they should use the one for their assigned gender? Even after transitioning for years?

It would depend on the surroundings and situation. If you feel safe going into the men's room even if you're not being gendered correctly, then do it. However, if you're in a bar or someplace where people might be drunk/high and hostile or aggressive, I would opt for the women's room.