Comming out to teachers

[Guest xlxm]

Hi,

I'm new to this forum. I had found this site a few months ago but i never joined because i never had a reason to. But now I have a reason to, and that is im planing to start my RLT sometime this month and i need advise. Mostly on how to come out to my teachers and school staff. My i'm already out to my friends and my drama teacher, and my family and there all supportive (especially my mom who let me start hrt now and not later, as I am 15 yes i have a prescription from a endo)

[Guest FemtoKitten]

Ah... Someone I can help. I started my RLT at school in early September.

Thank goodness you are in new mexico for one, it is a very open minded state in my knowledge... and you should be able to come out to your teachers (or ask your counseller to email all of them... that is what I did when I decided to go into my RLT at school). Teachers tend not to be the problem, as they tend to be legally obligated to NOT harm/bother you for you becoming you.

If you have been presenting as male for so far in the school year, then you WILL have issue with students who will at the very least talk behind your back, and at worst hurt you. If you are used to being called by the wrong pronoun and get emotional (enraged, hurt, wanting schadenfreude) then the talking behind your back shouldn't be an issue. If anyone does openly and deeply harass you then you can feel free to contact the school's authorities, they are obliged to help you by New Mexico law (I used to live on the border of NM/CO, so I know both states fairly well). If they ASSAULT you or murder you (unlikely) then they can/will be charged with a HATE CRIME, Gender Identity is a legally protected minority in New Mexico. When they get charged with a hate crime the punishment they receive tends to be MUCH worse then what they would have gotten otherwise.

However I will give you my timeline of how things went with me when I began my schooling as me. The social aspects, things like bathrooms/ID's are different per school... so I will not be going over them.

Day 1: People don't really notice/think it is a joke.

Week 1: People tend to be a bit curious about you, they do not understand you. This may manifest from really annoying questions (when did you get the surgery? was one.... I have had no surgery or HRT, or anti-Andros FYI) or they may do what most teenagers do when presented with something they don't understand, make fun of it... the making fun of you will last ~2-3 months. It will suck in that time but it WILL GET BETTER.

Week 2: Teachers become fine/permissive of the idea, they will have an easier time calling you by your name. Any bullying if at all will start around this point.

Month 1: The peak of the rumors, and teasing. Curious/annoying questions end.

Month 1.5: People will start genuinely seeing you as you... student attention spans are short, they will see you as you in most situations by this point.

Month 2: Teasing stops, there will still be conversations... but direct teasing will have stopped by this time.

Month 2.5 Bullying should stop... if you haven't quashed it earlier. Teachers get comfortable using the correct pronoun.

Month 3: Girls will start opening up and offering friendship/connections, you will be seen as you.

Month 3.5 (Where I am now): People should see you as you in most situations, but expect there to be a few stragglers who say things like "THAT MAN IS GOING AGAINST GOD'S WILL!" or "THAT PERSON IS A intercourseING FREAK"... but they are in the vast minority. Other students and teachers will think low of them, they will get people who start to tease them in return.

Don't let all that negative get to you, being YOU in school is 10x better then not being teased and not being yourself.

I will answer ANY questions you have for me... any at all as long as they don't violate pre-existing forum rules.

I did write a very long post before that went far more in depth after my first month... it is somewhere here on the forums and I will try to nab it for you... the information is outdated however.

[Guest Mia J]

Have your mom set up a meeting with the school staff to talk about what is going on. It would be a good idea to maybe have your gender therapist write a letter explaining your gender issues and what you are doing. It would be even better if your therapist would talk to them.

As they may not know a lot about gender issues you may also want to get some information for them.

Mia

[Guest xlxm]

Thanks for the advise and the help! As for my peers, most of them are pretty liberal and probably wont care. Most of my friends are female anyway and i'm out to them (they even bought me little things hear and their and have also bought me things i was to scared to buy for myself ) But my mom (dad passed away when i was 11 ) is totally scared for me and I understand why the only thing stopping me going full time is buying clothing to wear (my mom sais shes ok with me going full time but she keeps putting off going cloth shopping and my sister wont take me unless i use my own money and i'm broke)

[Guest xlxm]

Ps. another thing is stoping me... i cant find a name that fits

[Guest Mia J]

If you are going to start RLT you will need a name to use but it does not have to be the final one you choose. How about asking your mom what name she would have given to you if you had been born your true self and see if that fits.

Mia

[Guest xlxm]

Thanks for the advise. I cant believe I didn't think of that myself... I asked her and she said she never gave it any thought because by the time she figured out she was pregnant they could tell that I was a "boy" (how could they be so wrong )

[Guest FemtoKitten]

I have a trans friend who chose her name in an odd way... she got a root word that fitted what she thought for herself and added an '-ina'. I don't think using her name would be allowed on the forums, but it ended up beautiful and unique.

I personally took what my father says my name would've been, a region in northern France, and liked the Latin meaning for it. Plus the name just rings with me.

Some choose to make their name a pun, "If you're going to change it why not have fun with it?" tends to be the attitude for those people. If done well it makes people feel happy and think your parents were pranksters, if done poorly it is an obvious name change... although most won't know why.

Some just use the feminine version of their 'unchoosen' name, I can see the reasons (ease of transition, familiarity, already know about it) but it makes you seem lazy and makes it easier to search up records from the before times.

Your choice, a name is a personal thing. But as Mia said, the name you use for the time being doesn't have to be the one you actually identify with in the long run.

[Guest xlxm]

Thanks!! I don't think i want my name to be a pun... and I don't like the feminine version of my name... So it looks like im going to dictionary(dot)com

[Guest NatashaJade]

As a drama teacher, I can tell you that when all else fails, head to the drama room. It's usually a safe place. My students all know that I'll destroy anyone who messes with them (I'm a kick-a** b***h around these parts). Don't ever take bullying from anyone. Report it if it happens. You deserve a safe school environment as much as anyone else does.

Please feel free to IM me anytime. I have no problem destroying evil doers from afar

xoxo

Tasha