My Mother O.o

[Guest Damond]

Well I came out to my mother the other day. I had the whole story typed up, but my mom just told me that she didn't really wanting me posting it over the internet lol. Well, meh. Basic points:

It's going well (ish). She didn't freak out or anything. She's trying to understand a little bit still but she's not opposed to it. Just wants me to be sure and so on, understand that it can't be changed. We're talking on and off about it, when it comes up. She's glad I'm going to a GT about it, just to figure it out a bit more before actually acting on anything. She's somewhat concerned about my future, how it will affect college and finding jobs and so on. But she's trying

[Guest Mia J]

That is really great Damond. She is at least trying. Understand just what kind of shock it is to her to find this out after all these years. There are a lot who never get acceptance. It sounds like she just wants you to be sure of your choices and that is the right thing for a parent to do.

You might want to have her sit in on a session or two with your therapist. That can help a lot.

Another good resource is the book "true selves"

Mia

[Carolyn Marie]

"Trying" is a good thing, Damond, it truly is. A lot of parents, too many, never even get to that point. You should give her a hug if you haven't already, because it sounds like she deserves a big one.

Give her time, hon. Its a lot to take in, a lot to understand and accept. You are both on a good path, and I'm proud of both of you.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Guest Damond]

Well maybe it didn't go so well. My mom ended up telling my dad, and I got called home from a friends house and all my electronics with internet access taken away for a night. Had some whole family meeting in the morning, and they want me to swtich GT's because the one I saw has social worker credentials and isn't a "real" doctor. But even then they want me to see an adolescent counselor first, just to make sure, before I actually see a GT. My mom said that she thinks I am romantisizing about being a boy because I have read m/m content since I was 13 or 14.

While they pointed out that I'm 18 and so on, they are trying to control how things go. They want to limit my computer time because they don't like the forums I have been on, but won't stop me from getting on them.

[JJ]

Not an unusual reaction really.

Right now they are trying to deny and scared at the same time. It means losing the child they always thought they had and all their plans and dreams for that child that have lasted for your lifetime. People grasp at straws to prebvent a loss like that. And it makes them feel able to do something. like they are in some way handling it.

Just stay calm and rational and firm, The reaction really wasn't as bad as it could have been. Remember that they are in pain and that this is all so very hard to grasp for others in our lives

Johnny

[Guest Mia J]

Johnny gives some good advise. Your parents are now in denial and it is a fairly common reaction. Give them time to adjust. From some of what you said it also sounds they are afraid of you growing up and loosing their control.

Mia

[Guest Fiarlia]

The only part I disagree with your parents about is seeing an adolescent counselor first, you should definitely see a Gender Therapist first. Gender Dysphoria can cause a tremendous amount of depression/stress and other issues that could very well be (and have been) mistaken for something else if the person is not trained/knowledgeable in gender issues, one misinterpretation I've read about numerous times is Borderline Personality Disorder.

Gender therapists aren't out to push you to transitioning, they will want to help you figure out if it's the right thing to do - which is exactly what your parents want. But regardless of whether or not you should/will transition in the future, your time (and money) would be better spent going to someone who can help you address all the issues leading to that decision/realization.

[Guest Damond]

Yeah, I ended up getting an aapointment with a GT. Since I'm 18 when my mom tried to set up an appointment she told told them the reason regarding why... but I had to be the one to set it up. They offered me a GT, so I now am going to see a GT because I thought they got that idea from my mother lol. They aren't upset about it they just know I didn't try very hard to fix it.

Another thing is that my mother and I had the "male name" discussion today. She says that she and my dad should get to name me, and that it should be something similar to my current first name... but there's really no masculine version of it, so she started naming things like Andy or Andrew... which I don't like. I like Damond. Then she wants to go off my middle name, which is Lauren, and have me be Lawrence or something like that... which honestly was my second choice name but I just like Damond more lol. I just need to convince her of it...

[Guest Mia J]

It sounds better now and I am really glad you are going to see a GT. Maybe the second opinion will help them accept the facts.

Mia

[Guest Damond]

even though I am seeing a GT they want more than one opinion... and now they are trying to restrict things :/ like I do a lot of creative writing, only it's M/M well they "want to limit that until I see a doctor" ... because they think it's that romanticizim thing; only my creative writing is my venting and I NEED to write. And now they seem to be enforcing all these other things. Like now they think i spend too much time on the computer, so less of that. Less writing. Now I need to go look for a job. They are trying to change all of these things on me and it's not helping any because it's taking away what I am used to, my routine and such. And I tend to get very passive aggressive. Like tonight, I parked the car to close to the garage wall so it's impossible for my mom to get in the drivers side tomorrow morning, I changed the password on some of my mom's account stuff (if I can't get on the computer on certain things, neither can she) and so on....

[Guest Damond]

well hell. Now my mother has gone and enabled parental controls on the computer, blocking any sites that have to do with transgenderism (Im making this from my phone) and now she is threatening to ground me for getting mad about it... Im 18 and this is really starting to bother me how little control I have over these things and they arent taking me seriously when I talk to them "calmly" like they want... I cant get them to listen to me at all and I think the only way they will listen is if I threaten myself because thats the only time they get concerned... its like they expect me to sit back and take all of these restrictions in stride! And I`m the bad guy for getting mad at them about it. They think that places like LP are influencing me so they are blocking them... then they can see my history so I dont feel comfortable going anywhere on the internet bc most of it involves posting my stories; which theyll block those too. I sont know how to get them to stop all of this. Theyre taking away my normality of things. I dont know what to do other than try to hurt myself to get them to understand..

[VickySGV]

If you are covered by your parents health insurance for counseling for your urges to hurt yourself, take the counseling on that basis for now. You are 18+ and the counselor will not be able to discuss your therapy with your parents without your consent, and even the issues of insurance billing will show up only as Behavioral Health Counseling. Your parents would have to take you completely off their insurance to prevent this. You do have privacy rights now. Certainly, its not the real truth that you want listened to, but GD is no longer a mental illness by itself, but it is the root of other problems that are Behavioral Health issues, and it sounds like you legitimately have them. Getting counseling for those issues will not change the GD, but will keep you safe until the time comes for you to be able to talk to the more appropriate counselor.

[Guest Damond]

I'm under their health insurance... all they need to do is remove me from their plan and I can't get access to anything helpful. This is all just going to hell...

[VickySGV]

What would they remove you for? Have you given them a reason to deny you access to medical service? Your medical records are now private to you is what I said. You want help on preventing self harm?? Thats whey they need to know. You want medical help on adolescent medical problems period. Another point is that if you are taken off their insurance you could get help via your local county health services, especially with the Behavioral Health issues. Or you can now go on your own to a GLBT health service without the old folks having anything to say about it. I lived in a time when 21 was the legal age of majority.

Side note: I obtained my GT through a therapist who's primary practice was in Chemical Dependency Recovery, but who had also counseled people whose chemical dependency was based on GD and who's expetise was accepted by the Endocrinologist.

I think you took my post the totally opposite direction from what I meant it to be. Family policies at your age would require them to show that the reason you are being taken off is that you have your own insurance that conflicts with your parents. As a parent, I had to go through a big hassel trying to get my oldest daughter transfered over to her mother's account with the same health care plan, since she was living with her mother at the time and it was cheaper for me, and no additional cost to her mother. SIGH

Slow down, take a breath, and put things on hold for a day or two. Might also be time to get yourself a computer of your own.

[Guest Damond]

They blocked all websites relating to sexuality/transgender issues. They didn't tell me any of this and I felt like I wasn't being considered, so I left to go to a friends house for a night (where I am now). I tried to compromise with my mom and said I would come home if we could talk and come to some sort of compromise... as they also don't want me writing stories or reading, as it also influences me. But my mom said there was nothing to talk about, and that nothing would change if we talked about it--s. he told me to just stay at my friends house. I called my dad, and tried talking to him. I told him that I tried talking to him. I said I wanted to talk about this as an adult, since I am 18. He then went on to say if I didn't want to come home, that he would just set all my things out on the porch and change the locks, and maybe even disenroll me in school. So now am I staying at my friends house tonight, though it might be longer. I have my necessities, but... I just don't know what to do. I don't really want to hurt myself or anything, but I just don't know what else to do...