Delaying Going Full-Time

[JenniferB]

I am going to delay going full-time at work right now. The main reason is I don't quite feel I'm ready to take that final plunge yet. It allows me to work on a few areas first.

My manager seems to be conflicted with my gender change at work. In one sentence he says we need to be concerned about the customer first. But in the next sentence he tells me "but it's your choice" (which follows company policy). I told him that by May I will definitely live as Jennifer at work, but also we agreed that I would be able to transition at any time until May if I needed to, including right now. He only wants time to prepare. Then he says "but we need to make sure we satisfy the customer."

I was able to continuously move forward in my transition, but the one that will set me free, I hesitate. This last step is the hardest one for me. I think the main reason is I haven't had to confront someone else in my life who is not accepting This is the real test.

I can picture the atmosphere at work. I walk into the women's restroom and one of my co-workers happens to be inside and does not like it at all. The tension will greatly increase and I'm not sure how much I can handle right now. I can also imagine when the classes start in January and I'm using the women's restroom, with a stranger, who starts talking to me. I may pass as a female by looks, but my voice will instantly give me away. And that may lead to an awkward condition, or even worse, a confrontation.

In May the classes are over and the focus of my co-workers will be elsewhere. At that time it will be mostly quiet again. If I can last that long I believe May would be the ideal time to become Jenny at work. It still won't have any affect on the time frame for SRS.

Ironically, I don't have a problem going out as Jenny in public, for everyone is a stranger and I don't feel I'm in a closed environment. In open areas, using the woman's restroom is no big deal.

Jenny

[Guest Robin Winter]

Sounds to me more like he's personally uncomfortable rather than worried about customers, but I might be wrong.

I get how you feel though, totally. Work is my big anchor right now too.

[Guest John Chiv]

Jenny,

You were firm with him. I know you well enough to know that you have looked into your company's policy. You are also someone who does not rush into things, and likes to think about it and I know you are going to take that step. In today's economy, a job, especially long-term is a serious factor.

Good luck. I am waiting for the update where you say how well it went.

John

[Carolyn Marie]

We'll be here to support you whatever you decide, Jennifer. You are the captain of this ship, and you decide when to set sail.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Guest Krisina]

We'll be here to support you whatever you decide, Jennifer. You are the captain of this ship, and you decide when to set sail.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

Ditto about what Carolyn said.

I think how I would be if I was in your shoes steering the ship.

I am a cautious person myself that goes very slowly. I like to really research and analyze things rather than just jump into things in case when I jump there is no net below and I get hurt. I can be very sensitive (getting better) about things. I am sure with a lot of thought you will do what is best for you. Having a roof over the head, food on the table and money for hrt are some of the big things. Love of course too that is priceless. If I had to go more slowly I don't know how I would feel about that, waiting til May if I were you, living a double life one at work and off work. You and your friends have had a lot of time to get used to these changes but the people where you work it will be a big change overnight and many people still don't understand or have trouble grasping it and accepting it. I would think those who have difficulty with it are in the minority. It depends on the culture and the environment too.

All the best.

Hugs

Krisina

Krisina

[Guest NatashaJade]

This has to be something you feel comfortable with, not your supervisor. Your company has policies in place and he will have to deal with you as Jenny sooner or later. I, for one, say sooner because the longer he thinks he can nudge you to push it back, the more pressure he'll apply. The sooner he, and everyone else, come to know Jenny, the better.

As for the bathroom issue, you need to deal with that as well. It's not going to go away. The fact is, there will be the odd woman who clocks you and feels uncomfortable. But your name is legally Jennifer and your ID says female, as does your birth certificate. No one in Pima, at least, is going to even think of doing a panty check. In Maricopa with Sheriff Joe, well...I worry at times. Voice is only one of several indicators. My voice aint perfect by a long shot, but I don't worry about it.

Just be yourself.

xoxo

[Guest Lacey Lynne]

Jenny:

Truly, my heart goes out to you!

What you say makes perfect sense to me, honey; it REALLY does. What you say here is EXACTLY why I haven't gone all out transitioning either. The company I work for is privately owned by people in the American South who are evangelical Christian fundamentalists. Need I even say that my coming out at work would go over like a lead balloon to the owners of the company?

Heck, YEAH, baby !!!

Oh, sorry, off topic ... now, like we we're saying:

You're using your street smarts. The others above make good and valid points. However, remember one minor detail that is actually a HUGE detail:

Your boss is your boss!

Need I say anymore? Yeah, policies may be in place at your company preventing him from dismissing you; however, he can make your life really, REALLY miserable ... if he WANTS to. This, I believe, is what you know in your heart. Personally, I think you're using good sense on this issue.

The very, very few times I've been in the ladies' rooms at the mall I walk nearly ever day, a few of the women clocked me. No, nothing happened, but I could see that they were clearly uncomfortable. They have "cooled off" on me significantly since then. Of course, this IS going to happen occasionally. Like Natasha says, this kind of social situation should not hold any of us back, because it's THEIR issue that they are uncomfortable with us. They will get used to us eventually.

Your boss? Whole different ballgame, honey. Lacey says, "Watch your P's and Q's, because it makes good sense to do so."

Carolyn Marie so right says that it's your call all the way. Whatever you decide, know that we will stand by you in a big way.

We wish you well!

Lacey

Postscript:

Don't let this cautionary post dampen your considerable ardor, girl.

[Guest cassie51]

Jenny, follow your heart and your own good common sense. You will be fine, I know it.

{{HUGGS}}

Cassie

[Guest BeckyTG]

I've watched your avatar pic evolve slowly and you're looking more female all the time. I had to go through this myself. I had to work with MANY customers and convince my boss, too.

I changed very slowly over time. I grew out my hair. I got my ears pierced. I slowly grew the girls. I slowly got some changes in the back side of my pants. Given enough time, it will be difficult for people to accept that you are a man.

Let the man fade. Let him go slowly away, as he is destined to do. In my case, I was forced out by co-workers who were loudly convinced that I was dying of cancer. I'd lost weight, I no longer smoked cigarettes, I was eating healthy and I was suddenly very happy all the time (like I didn't have much time left....)

I never should have admitted to it so early on, for it was a serious mistake to come out so soon, when I still looked so much like a man. That caused me a lot of problems with other workers. For my customers, I just kept slowly changing over time.

Finally, I started wearing just a trace bit of makeup and it just looked so natural on me that, before anyone really realized it, I was a female through and through. People who I haven't seen in a long time will walk in, ask for (him) and I can truthfully tell them that (he) retired and I've taken his place. How can I help you? It's easy and smooth. Some figure it out, many don't. Although they must be shaking their heads a little.

I also know that living a lie and being 2 people is very hard on you, so this is a balancing act. Suck it up and when you start getting a bunch of static about dressing like a guy, it will finally be time.

Hugs,

Becky

[Guest Mia J]

Your pace is the only one that counts.

I am also a very cautious person and tend to take things slowly.

When you are really ready it will happen

Hugs

Mia

[Guest Lacey Lynne]

Jenny:

You CAN so do this!

What BeckyTG says above? That's exactly what I'm doing too! I call it gender shifting or gender surfing (Kawabunga, baby!) and am transmogrifying slowly and steadily. Do I present in androgyny? Often. Do I present fully en femme? Sometimes. What? Yep! You better betcha, babes! Do people freak out? Not really! Then, why do I do this? Because, it's a hoot!

But, that's just me. Both BeckTG (now) and Paulault (previously) have the same prescription for transitioning: Glide into it.

Both Becky and Paula make perfect sense in saying so. They are right! They are EXACTLY right!

You just may want to give your boss a copy of "True Selves" if you want to. Enlighten the guy. IF you want to try.

Best of luck on this, Jenny! Actually, I believe you do okay. Really!

BeckyTG:

http://www.lauras-playground.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=40198&hl=&fromsearch=1

Read about BeckyTG and John Chiv, Transition Coaches (see my post in this above-referenced thread).

Peace Lacey