I want to know what you think....

[Guest SaleneAlexis]

My therapist wanted me to do a first draft of my coming out letter to my dad. I need honesty here. Tell Me what you think

Stephanie

Dear Dad,

I'm writing to tell you something that I need to get off my chest. I have chosen to write it instead of speak it to you, because I write better than I speak. If ever there was a time I wanted to be clear about what I was saying , it would be now.

I want to tell you that I love you. I love you eternally and unconditionally. If you reject me because of what I'm about to say, then I will love you no differently and onIy hope that you can one day come to the acceptance I have. You gave to me life and I am eternally grateful.

So without vagina footing around (never mind the pun) here I go:

I have a girl's brain and boy's body, Dad. It causes me terrible emotional pain. Pain so powerful that death has always seemed like a better option than having to deal with this. To cope with this, I have been on internet chat programs as a female so I can at least in a way be me. I don't want to go on like this. It hurts, it just hurts sometimes when I get called Sir or just someone calling me by my male name. I just want a normal life, my life. To wake up and feel okay in my body and not have my mind in disagreement with my body. Accepting myself for who I am puts me at a crossroads in my life. I see death or change, there is no more middle ground for me anymore. I choose change instead of death.

The term used to describe someone like me is transsexual/transgender . Which means the my natural gender (female) is opposite of my physical gender (male).

The mind has a sex. Most people are not aware of this because most people have the same sex for both mind and body. Scientists have a very good idea of when and where this happens in pre-natal development. It is NOT a mental problem. It is NOT a fetish. It IS, however, the way I was made physically. It is one possible way of a human being made, even though it is a rare one.

Now you're wondering what does this all mean? It means I need help and a lot of it. There is nothing you can do for me physically. But emotionally you can do a lot for me. Accepting me regardless of my natural state and the transition that should be happening by the time you read this, and loving me as your child is what I really need from you.

Unfortunately for me this is not very common. It is highly uncommon. It is along the odds of 1 out of 30,000 humans are born like me. You have a higher chance of being struck by lighting, or winning the lottery.

This newly accepted knowledge of myself has lead me to do the obvious thing I can do. I have done a lot of reading on this and I have found a community and support for me, and all of my friends supporting me, I have come to terms with this.

Science has a good idea of what happens to create someone like me. There is no consensus as to why or what the leading conditions must be prior to it, but we do know what happened and the consequences. There are resources online, that I can give you to learn more about this.

Some people label it a natural variation of being human. Some people think of it as a birth defect. Some people think of it as a medical condition. For me I tend to lean towards medical condition, because with hormones and surgery it can be taken care of. .

In regards to how society treats us, it is truly unfortunate in these times, to be born as we are. Close to 31% with my condition have successfully committed suicide by age of 20, and 50% have tried by the age of 20 (which this one I fall into). We are the highest suicide group in existence.

I won't lie to you. I have had to grapple with thoughts of suicide all throughout my teenage years. By my 20's, I felt there was no hope, so I tried to blend in the best I could. It worked somewhat, but not completely.

You probably want to know what I am going to do. I am already a female in my mind and I always have been. It is not changeable. In all honesty nor would I actually want to change it now, because this is me. I would like to become me physically. And that me is a girl. Thankfully medicine and science are very powerful, and I can fully transition my body into a female body. You might be wondering how that is possible, and if you accept me after telling you this then we can talk about it. But truly, because my mind is female, it won't be long until I have the body of a female.

You probably want to know about my sexual orientation. You might think these issues are somehow related, but they are not. They are entirely separate. My sexual orientation has been bisexual with prefrence toward females. It always has been, and it always will be.

As for grandchildren, as soon as I fully become me, I will adopt one.

So in a couple of years, when it is all said and done, unless they know me, no one will know that I was a male, all they will see is a female, because I am and will be just as female as any female.

You are my father and I love you so much. I wanted to tell you so much earlier than this back when I was a teenager, but I couldn't because of the Families beliefs. If God doesn't make mistakes, he must have made me like this for a reason

Telling you is the hardest thing I had to do. I have to be me, because nothing else has worked.

I choose to go by Stephanie Alexis now. I am still keeping the initials, because it is kind of nice. When the time comes, all my legal documents will show that as my new legal name.

So in closing this letter Dad, I have always been your daughter. I will ask for your acceptance, but won't lower myself to beg or plead for it. I am your child. Accept me or not, I know what needs to be done, the question now is are you going to be by my side or not.

I love you and nothing will ever change that!!!

Your Loving Daughter

Stephanie Alexis

[Guest Mia J]

Stephanie,

That was a truly soul bearing letter written directly from your heart. I think you did a wonderful job and I hope your father sees the love you have and just what you are telling him. I think this may be a candidate for putting into the coming out letters sub-forum.

Please keep us informed.

Mia

[Guest Roux]

This is an amazing letter, Stephanie. I hope your dad responds to it well, when you do give it to him!

You might consider rearrange some of the paragraphs so that it flows from one thought to the next a little more smoothly. For instance, you mention how scientists have ideas about why gender identities form the way they do, but both mentions are separated by several paragraphs. Maybe move the second reference up to merge it with the first? I'd put all of the "here's what I feel" in one paragraph, "here's what science thinks" in another, "here's how society reacts to us" in one, and "here's my plan of action" in another. And so forth, in more or less that order. I get kind of confused when related thoughts aren't organized together in a clear way--and when I'm reading something that is triggering a strong emotional reaction in me, I'm likely to get even more confused. Dang emotions getting in the way of my sense-making abilities. =)

One place that I did get confused was:

Now you're wondering what does this all mean? It means I need help and a lot of it. There is nothing you can do for me physically. But emotionally you can do a lot for me. Accepting me regardless of my natural state and the transition that should be happening by the time you read this, and loving me as your child is what I really need from you.

Unfortunately for me this is not very common. It is highly uncommon. It is along the odds of 1 out of 30,000 humans are born like me. You have a higher chance of being struck by lighting, or winning the lottery.

Because the second paragraph doesn't make explicit what "this" and "it" is, it sounds like this paragraph is just carrying on the subject of the previous one: meaning that it's not very common for parents of transsexual children to love and support their child! I'd move the second paragraph up to where you talk about scientists and how "It is one possible way of a human being made, even though it is a rare one."

And I'd put these two paragraphs together so he doesn't sit in suspense of what your plan-of-action is for several paragraphs:

This newly accepted knowledge of myself has lead me to do the obvious thing I can do. I have done a lot of reading on this and I have found a community and support for me, and all of my friends supporting me, I have come to terms with this.

You probably want to know what I am going to do. I am already a female in my mind and I always have been. It is not changeable. In all honesty nor would I actually want to change it now, because this is me. I would like to become me physically. And that me is a girl...

But the only actual change I might make is to tweak the concluding paragraph to something more like:

So in closing this letter Dad, I hope you don't feel like your losing a son, because you aren't. I have always been, and always will be, your daughter. I love you and nothing will ever change that!!!

Just because I, personally, worry that if I sound confrontational/aggressive/dismissive of their feelings, the other person is more likely to respond in a confrontational/aggressive/dismissive of my feelings sort of way. I like to keep things positive and open, in hopes that the other person will take my cue and respond similarly.

I agree with Mia: let us know what happens! Good luck!

[Guest SaleneAlexis]

thank you mia, I had to do a lot of searching from my heart to bring this to paper. I hope he understands.

Stephanie

[Guest SaleneAlexis]

like I am saying it is just the first draft, it is far from ready, but thanks for the input.

Steph

[Guest John Chiv]

Stephanie,

I agree with the others. It is beautiful, perfect, from the heart. Keep it the way it is because I feel you covered what you needed to and it is written as Stephanie would. Please update us when after you give it to him.

John

[Guest SaleneAlexis]

who would have thought a letter to my dad from Me would bring this. I am just overwhelmed with emotion. I am glad that I have people like you around

Hugs

Stephanie

[Guest John Chiv]

(((((((((((((((Stephanie)))))))))))

And a box of tissues, in case you need them.

John

[Guest SaleneAlexis]

glady takes the box of tissues and wipes my face, good thing I don't have my makeup on yet lol

Stephanie

[Guest John Chiv]

Stephanie,

See just like a woman, concerned about makeup getting messed up

John

[Guest SaleneAlexis]

~giggles~ of course... I am a woman after all!!

Stephanie

[Guest SaleneAlexis]

I gave the letter to my dad six months ago, Lets just say he isn't exactly pleased, but it had to be done.

[Guest Jaques]

I hope you get a positive response from your letter Stephanie, all the best to you

[Guest SaleneAlexis]

Either he will or I move on, like I said in the letter, I Don't Need His Permission. I am an adult

[Cyndee]

Wondered what happened to you Stephanie, this post was a while ago, good to see you back on here.

We have to accept sometimes that some may never "get it", even as we would love it if they would. Hope your Dad can see the truth about your well being.

Hugs

Cynthia -

[Guest Guest_]

Stephanie; What a beautiful wonderful letter. After reading this I needed tissues to. You came straight from your heart. I always say live life the way you want to. Dont worry about yesterday or think abput tomorrow. Live for the day and Live it your way. As for your dad give him time and as you said still love him with all your heart. Good Luck to you and God Bless. Love Amber L.

[Guest amanda_s]

Hello Stephanie

Very nice and well done. have you thought of banking sperm then getting a suragate to carry a child.

Amanda

[Guest SaleneAlexis]

First of all Hi Cynthia, sorry for not being on as much as I used to, had real life to deal with, but I will make a better effort to be on more.

Amber hun, it is something that I knew I would have to do, even if i had no family to back me up. I do have a stepsister and a cousin who have my back, and I don't regret coming out.

Amanda i have looked at it and it looks a bit too pricey for me at this point in time, trying to save money for the GCS.

(((Hugs)))

Stephanie

[Guest SaleneAlexis]

great to find my old account again. I have major updates in every way to make it make take a few months just to get everyone up to speed, but I am glad I am back

Stephanie

[Guest SaleneAlexis]

My Father said that he will still love me as his child, but still believes that i am making the wrong "choice". I see it as the only choice i have is to either transition and live or die. But that is minor consolation I guess. His exact words were "Live the life you want, but be willing to face the consequences if you are wrong, You are still My child, and god gave you to me, so i do still love you, even though I don't approve of your choice." I guess that is better than being completely shut out.

[Carolyn Marie]

Salene, it may not entirely be what you wanted to hear, but getting half of what you want is better by far than getting none. Love is love, and even after saying what he did, it does not close the door to him changing his attitude later. I've seen it happen many times. People are often doubtful that we can succeed, and their fears and objections are based on that doubt. When the doubt is gone, so too may his objections disappear. I hope that is the case.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Guest SaleneAlexis]

An update to that. I just had my birthday less than a month ago, and my Dad wished me a happy birthday on My Facebook using my Feminine name, so I am guessing He is coming to terms with it.

[Guest]

:thumbsup:

Happy belated Birthday Salene Alexis!

Huggs,

Joann