Came out to someone other than my wife face to face for the first time

[Guest Amanda Whyte]

I am starting to have issues with needing people to talk to. I have 3 people I can call but I crave someone to talk to face to face. My wife and I am doing ok but some things she just isnt ready for. I work at a medical center/hospital that has all types of medical professionals there. It is a small enough place though that even after only a year, I at least have seen almost everyone. One of the people that has always been friendly with me since day one is one of our psychiatrists. She is friendly with everyone and her office is filled with an eclectic mixture of decorations, ie a 3 ft Buhda, a miniature Zen garden, a Menorah, a Cross, and many other things. So I really needed to talk face to face so I spoke to her. I asked first if, since I am not technically a patient of hers, would this be confidential. She said besides if I am a danger to myself, others, or have hurt others, yes. I know she can tell me anything but I believe her. Well I verbally danced around a little, and she just cut to the chase and asked what it is I want to tell her. So I did. We had a nice conversation and every fear that I brought up, she had the same answers you guys did. When I mentioned about passing, she said "Look at me." When I did, she let out a little laugh and said I have nothing to worry about, I have a very "cute" face. Well that "cute" face turned beat red. I just wanted to share. I guess one of the parts of my life that has always been a problem has been really getting to me for the last few years, and that is loneliness. In some ways it is getting even worse. Except for less than 10 people in my life I have always been alone. Accepted into the group but never had a true friend, and right now I dont have one here with me. My first support group meeting is Saturday but I am scared I am putting too much expectations into it. I just want to belong somewhere. I have always looked for a place to belong and have yet to find anywhere. I know you can never know what type of posts I will make. I appologize for being all over the board emotionally.

Mandy

[Guest Roux]

You're making so much progress already! However alone you feel, you're taking huge steps to make your loneliness go away, instead of just letting it grow unchecked. You should be really proud of yourself for that, you know. It was so brave of you to come out to your coworker (who, by the way, sounds awesome and I rather wish I had her in my life, too), and it's a relief to know that it couldn't have gone better!

My first support group meeting is Saturday but I am scared I am putting too much expectations into it.

You know, I think it says a lot (and all of it good) about your personality that you have such high/hopeful expectations, instead of being gloomy about your prospects. You can't help having expectations; they're natural and they'll happen no matter what you tell yourself, so don't be hard on yourself (or scared) for hoping it'll go really well. If it does go well, great! If it doesn't quite turn out to be what you hoped for, keep at it and maybe it'll develop into something wonderful--and keep an eye out for other opportunities in the meantime.

Have you ever heard of Meetup.com? It's a site that helps you find groups in your area that share your interests, be it hobbies, books, languages, food/drink, or gender and sexuality stuff. It's a really great way to meet people, assuming you live in or near an area with a lot of people. Perhaps you'll find a group you'll be interested in joining, and begin to make friends there. (Okay, I'll admit that I looked up New Castle County, and did a Meetup.com search to see what was nearby. There are 551 groups that meet within 25 miles of Wilmington! Don't know how close you live to Wilmington, but surely some of those are close to you.)

Even if the support group doesn't go as planned, you have options. And you're both brave and charming; you won't feel alone much longer, I'm sure. =)

[Guest Amanda Whyte]

Thank you Roux! I will check out Meetup.com. That is awsome information!!!

[Guest John Chiv]

Amanda,

It's okay, we are your primary support and safe place and as you come out, as you find local support, you will have more options. Good for you confronting your fear and coming out.

John

[Guest eliza.d]

see mandy, i told you youre gonna be ok. you are doing very important things to help yourself lately and i am very proud of you sister.

i know what you mean about needing f2f contact, im doing pretty good with my wife and her mom, theyre both supportive, but i had to get outta there last night. i went and saw an old buddy of mine in a nearby city. it was great to see him, its been a long time and he gave me a lot of support, and a slew of compliments. i hadnt seen him in a year, and so much has happened since then. he said he can see that for the first time since he' s known me, i seem truly happy, mature, focused, and healthy....despite the turmoil that surrounds me. its not that bad, just a sad time in a way, so i needed some cheering up. we had a couple of beers, hopefully the calories didnt sink in too much.

guess i really dont need to worry that much about calories, i went from 205 to 176 in about three months. what am i complaining about.

oh well, sorry for babbling...

gotta run, mandy, keep up the good work...im with you.

Eliza

[Guest Amanda Whyte]

John, you guys will always be very important to me.

Eliza, I love ya girl!!! You keep doing what you feel is right for you. I am so happy that things are working out good for you. I am looking forward to my friend next weekend. From talking to him and his wife, I am expected to be pulled in two directions. His wife is talking make-over and he is wanting to play computer and role playing games. It should make for an interesting weekend.

[Guest Shari]

Hi Mandy,

I know what you mean. Reading your posts I kinda feel like I know you. Honestly, Sis, I don't think you'll have too much trouble making new friends.

Go ahead and admit that you were flattered when she told you about your cute face. You're allowed to giggle about stuff like that.

Hugs,

Shari

[Guest Amanda Whyte]

Shari, I was very flattered. My whole talk with her was very uplifting. She even talked to me about, when I am ready, coming out to my children and them being better humans because of it. She also talked about supporting me through coming out at work, if and when I do. I also went and talked to the Union Rep. and will be turning in my paperwork for that Tuesday. I just want to make sure I have all my ducks in a row.

[Guest eliza.d]

see sister, we get support where we can and when we can. and we give our support and hearts to each other....our family,

Eliza

[Guest Amanda Whyte]

I dont know what I would have done without you guys.

[Guest eliza.d]

we dont know what we would have done without you too. we ll i definately dont know.

hugs, Eliza