Came out to my sister yesterday.

[Guest Amanda Whyte]

Finally decided I needed someone else to talk to and came out to my sister yesterday. After a lot of stuttering and beating around the bush I finally told her I was transgendered. Her first reaction was she started laughing and then said, "That's kind of cool." Initially, I know, that sounds bad but you have to know my sister. After those two reactions, she got serious and we had a good talk. She wanted to know why I was scared to tell her. She assured me she believed it was something I had no control over, but she said that I have a responsibility to my children to keep from transitioning for as long as possible. She then went on to say that when I do need to transition that I have to do it and not worry about what others think. She also suggested that when I decide to tell my parents to let her do it. If I travell all the way to Louisiana and tell them they wont talk to me. If she tells them and then about a week later I go down there they will be ready to talk. Something to think about anyway.

[Guest Krisina]

Well it is good to see she took it well.

Laughter being laughed at is a fear I have had in the past. Being scared of how people will react too.

She assured you you She believed you have no control over it too.

Krisina

[Guest chngnwnd]

It is always great to have a supportive family - even if it is only part of the family.

hugs

Bobbi

[Guest]

Hi Amanda,

Good for you! That is an important step to take.

Best wishes!

Love, Megan

[JJ]

A very good step and great outcome Amanda. My only disagreement is with putting off transition for the children's sake. My grown daughter has stated numerous times how much she wishes I had done this long ago. The earlier the better. Children, even teens, are adaptable and there is a new climate of acceptance among kids that is amazing. It has been my observation here and personally that is the grown children who have the most difficulty dealing with transitioning.

I live in one of the most conservative communities in one of the most ultra conservative areas of the country and my 6th grade granddaughter hasn't had a single negative comment. I went to her school Christmas part too and there is no doubt that I have transitioned to male. Nor does she hide it. She thought it was weird at first but accepted it and is very matter of fact about it with her teachers and friends.

Also you cannot be as good a parent as you could be, would be, as your true self. You are keeping a secret and you'll find that secrets in families are very harmful. There is a lot of research out there about it. Almost nothing is as harmful and damaging to a family and to children as keeping secrets and living a lie.

Just my observation and opinion but I would suggest talking to a therapist about it and doing some research. Sometimes what seems like the best thing for children is actually not..

Congratz on the good news with your sister!

Johnny

[Guest Karen K]

Amanda, what a wonderful reaction from your sister, and she has offered to help you when it's time to tell your parents. A better outcome I can't imagine. As for telling your children, I agree with Johnny. Children are very adaptive and if you inform them of the why, they will accept you and have time to adjust.

http://abcnews.go.com/Primetime/MindMoodNews/story?id=8126749&page=1

Take a look at this link. These children have a better take on their transgender parent than a lot of adults do. Also read Donna Rose's account of telling her son, in her book "Wrapped in Blue".

I hope this helps. I congratulate you on telling your sister and her great acceptance. May God bless you as you continue this journey.

Laura Jane

[Guest John Chiv]

Amanda,

Great supportive sister. Very glad for you.

John

[Guest Donna Jean]

If I travell all the way to Louisiana and tell them they wont talk to me. If she tells them and then about a week later I go down there they will be ready to talk. Something to think about anyway.

Heck, Mandy.......I'm in Louisiana...I'll tell your parents if you want me too....lol

Good luck, Girlfriend!

Huggs

Dee Jay

[Guest Janice Lynn]

"Coming out" is so much better and healthier than "Staying in." Congratulations

to both of you; first to you for having the faith and trust in your sister to share

with her your true self, then to your sister for even going so far as to help in

bringing the news to your parents. Its simply wonderful!

Everyone's situation is different, sometimes in subtle ways. I came out to my

two children, a son and daughter, over 20 years ago. In my heart I believe my

son, turning 38 in a few months, buried the revelation and chooses to believe

his dad is like any other dad. My daughter, turning 40 soon, has never forgotten

and seems to send "coded" cues, like giving me birthday cards or notes telling

me that I am her "hero." I guess I am her hero because I have somehow managed

to submerge myself and get along as I have, with her not knowing how miserable

I have been as the years have ticked by. Her concern, of course, is for her mother

and for our marriage. She is a sweet and only wants what is best for us.

That being said, I must say that I agree with Johnny that you should find a way to

share the truth with your children in a safe, compassionate, loving way. I say this

not knowing how old they are, how many there are, and such. What I do know,

after 20 years, is that sooner or later you will have to tell them, and when that

happens it may not be the circumstances you would have chosen. One thing I

would suggest is that, if you are comfortable with your GT and believe you

cannot do this alone, have them come with you to a session and let your GT

serve as something like an interpreter when you tell them how it is. It all depends

on their ages and how you believe they might react.

I have shared with you privately how wonderful it has been to have a wife who

now, finally, understands and supports me as the woman I have always been ...

though she reminds me that in many ways I will need her help in transitioning from

"girl" to "woman." That's true. Nonetheless, in some wonderful way our marriage

is better now simply because, as others have said, the secrecy and guilt prevented

me from being real and authentic with her.

Now, given the fact that we have both been so dumbfounded by the joy in having

the truth on the table .... that joy and giddiness fills the room .... she has realized

that will become apparent to our daughter, who lives nearby, and that she will ask

my wife what is going on.

My point, which has taken me awhile to get to, is that she will be overjoyed to know

my wife and I are now together on this and that we are happy. I cannot say this

would be true had she not already known what I shared with her 20 years ago.

That is why I agree with Johnny. Secrets in a family are not a good thing.

Originally my wife and I agreed that we would keep my transition, though not a

complete one, between ourselves except in times and places where my being a

girl or woman with her would not create a whole lot of risk. Now she wants to

explain her happiness to my daughter and I am thrilled because it will not be a

traumatic moment for her. She will be a bit overwhelmed, but she will be so

pleased to know we have found our own way.

Bless you, Mandy.

Love ya,

Jan

[Guest Amanda Whyte]

Thank you, everyone. Telling my children is the hardest decision I am working on right now. I do want to tell them before they find out some other way. Right now, though, isnt the right time. My wife has decided to go to counseling with me on Tuesday, so we will see what comes out there. I am taking this one day at time. I cant see myself living this way for years on end so something will have to give but just not yet. My children are 14 and 15, a freshman and a sophomore in high school. They also recently found out their school is closing at the end of the year so wont be able to finish their high school carreer at the school they started at and are pretty upset. So, I dont want to add this to their lives right now. I promise to all of you and, more importantly, to myself, I will do things when I need to. I am not going to be miserable anymore.

[Guest Janice Lynn]

Mandy .... Wow, do I feel your angst about coming out your children at 14 and 15.

Mine were a few years older and perhaps more equipped with life experience to

understand what this T thing is all about.

One thing we sometimes forget is that we presume our children are not getting

information, but in this day of internet accessability and such they have the ability

to be ahead of the curve compared to my children so many years ago.

Forget about the kids for a minute. I had nothing as transsexual woman in 1982.

Buy a book ? Where? Go to the library, find something (typically negative) and

imagine yourself checking that book out with a gray-haired librarian looking at

your selections. Internet .... there wasn't one. Access to information or facts

required extraordinary effort and in many parts of the country simply didn't exist.

Back to your kids: If they are literate which, given the intelligence you display here,

is fairly assumed, you have the opportunity to share with them your story and

place in their hands almost whatever information they could possibly understand

or absorb. There is some good stuff out there.

My point is that I know you will go in there with your heart on your sleeve, but

that you need not go there alone. I have even wondered if, presuming the most of your

GT, you might bring them to a session just as you have in asking your wife to come

with you. Good idea? I don't know. I don't know your GT, but there might be some

merit to the idea. Maybe not. My thought is simply that sometimes my wife has

had a harder time accepting stuff than my daughter.

Just thinkin', Mandy. And hoping you are okay because I know there are really

tough and stressful times.

Get with me PM if you wish. Otherwise, love to ya anyway ....

Jan

[Guest Mia J]

Good for you Mandy. I am happy for you that your sister is not only understanding but willing to help with your parents. She must love you a lot.

Mia

[Guest Amanda Whyte]

Janice, thank you very much. I am nervous about telling them but am ready when the time comes.

Mia, thank you. My big sister has been a wonderfull one my whole life.