womens locker room

[Guest mistygirl7]

OK we have all been there fanitizing about the women's locker room. Like most of us here it not about the thrill of seeing naked women like the guys want to do. But the feeling of being in the right room where your not in the men's locker room.

Some of us who's been out and pass very well all know that the men's bathroom or locker room is a No Go. No No.

For me as Iv been out and passing 100% been living full time for over a year and a half and been on hrt for 2 yrs and 2 month has never been into the women's locker room.

Yesterday that day has finally came lol. Although there wasn't nearly anybody in the room maybe one or two that came out of nowhere. But the fact is that I finally got to used the locker room using a popular gym membership at 24 hr fitness. Lol well just want to give an update :-)

[Guest Ney'ite]

YaY for you! This is something I have thought about from time to time, and one reason why I am nervous to join any health clubs (I live minutes from a Curves and 10 minutes from several large chain Fintness Clubs).

Like you, I also have been passing 100% for a little over 9 months now (voice included) and on HRT about a month less than you. In fact, my first FULL women's bathroom (no showers, just a huge bathroom that was quite full) experience was not even a month ago. Even all my I.D.'s have "F" on them though I have never had to "produce" them to verify my female identity.

It is amazing how something that cis often take for granted like bathrooms and locker rooms, but can be a monumental step for us!

[Guest mistygirl7]

I was on the same page as you was also nervous in joining a gym, because of the risk of showing ID and having to give full legal name and knowing that I was born male and look like a female.

The reasoning tho I don't have my name change yet due to risk of being kicked out at home. And was use to using my brother gym where he works but could no longer use to get in free. And do needed to work out. So I kinda took a little chance at 24 hrt and they greeted me as a female used my prefer name to began with and never check my ID and when doing the little tour with a female representive we walk in to the women's locker room there.

When it came to putting in my payment card number I was a friad my name would give me away when she was copying down my number. But she never ask and could maybe assume it was my " husband" card lol r another family card. And I was never had show my ID. That was close lol..

[Guest Lacey Lynne]

Misty:

Honey, I SALUTE you, girl! Way to rock! Respect, babes!

Now, you know, I'm also on HRT for 2 years and 2 months, and I've yet to set foot in a women's locker room, and I dare not. My avatar photo is 1 year and 3 months ago, and I'm more feminized now. However, I STILL have ample shoulder and back body hair that I cannot reach to shave ... not to mention a male package albeit shrinking dramatically by way of the HRT. I work out 2-4 times a week in a big commercial health club.

Which locker room do I use? The guys' locker room! Do I go in there in female clothes? All the time. Do I bare my chest with B+ cups? All the time. Now, I DO NOT wear a wig in there, and I DO NOT wear women's panties in there (or every, actually), and THAT'S important.

Does anyone glower at me? Nope. Does anybody say anything to me? Nope. Does anybody stare at me? Surreptitiously, yeah! I see 'em, but they think I don't. So, am I crazy? Heck, I'll say so, just for giggles and grins, but actually, I'm playing with a full deck ... even if the cards need shuffling occasionally.

Am I afraid in there? Nope! Will I fight back if attacked? You better bet! Will they defeat me? Probably, but they better waste me ... all I'm gonna say.

Now, as far as seeing naked women? Heck, I've seen thousands of naked women ... men ... girls ... boys ... families ... over 30 years time. Clothing-optional resorts, you see, of which I am a habitue. Like, no biggie! I may be the only one on here who's EVER used co-ed locker rooms and showers. WHAT?!? Yep! Sure have. No issues. Great time. Just love it.

Girl, with substantial body hair, even after 2 years and 2 months on HRT, and still packing (albeit with a grossly reduced package), I'm okay in the ladies' locker room. It's THE LADIES who'd have issues. Don't want hassles with the cops. So, heck with it: The guys' locker room. Besides, who cares? It's just to change in. It's all relative.

Just my opinion.

CONGRATS, GIRL! Doggone, I ENVY you! Wish I COULD use the ladies' locker room, but, as you can plainly see, that ain't gonna happen for the aforesaid very good reasons. Besides, you pass! Only think I can pass is a football.

Peace & Joy Lacey Lynne

So, why don't I give up and detransition? Thought about it. Almost did. However, I'm havin' too much fun! Gender surfing is a stone-cold blast! Haven't had this much fun in decades. Makes it all worthwhile. So what if I don't pass? Having the time of my life!

[Guest Ney'ite]

...

The reasoning tho I don't have my name change yet due to risk of being kicked out at home.

...

When it came to putting in my payment card number I was a friad my name would give me away when she was copying down my number. But she never ask and could maybe assume it was my " husband" card lol r another family card. And I was never had show my ID. That was close lol..

Uggh, I know that scenario about name changes. When I got my ears pierced this past August, even though I was passing 100% I had not gotten my name legally changed, so when she asked for my license, I whispered to her that it looks nothing like me and that it is mostly wrong info now. Thank GOODNESS she said oh, that is ok - all I need is the number anyway. So I rattled off the number without showing my I.D. and that was it - whew - close call! At that point it became obvious I was no longer going to be Sir'd so off to the Courts and Passport and DMV I went!

But I can understand the name thing for you and home (though not personally as I am like, really old n stuff) - but I am glad it sort of sneaked under the radar - which goes to show you - more often than not, nobody looks at I.D. anyway, or, as in yours and my case, they probably just think it is a husband or something. Hehe - I have already been referred to by a client as my boss' wife. O.O Oh dear Lord in Heaven NOOOOOOO I am not his wife!

...

So, why don't I give up and detransition? Thought about it. Almost did. However, I'm havin' too much fun! Gender surfing is a stone-cold blast! Haven't had this much fun in decades. Makes it all worthwhile. So what if I don't pass? Having the time of my life!

I have to admire your attitude and approach - you certainly have a lot more charisma and courage than I ever had or have for that matter - and you have a wonderful sense of humor to boot! I believe the phrase is, “Girl - you got it together!”

[Guest Lacey Lynne]

Bettet2010:

Actually, I'm nothing special, really. I'm just doing what I have to do ... for now. My name change will come through soon. Then, I may venture into the ladies' locker room. You and Mistygirl7 are very fortunate insofar as you both pass beautifully and consistently. Passing IS important, although some say it isn't.

What's funny is several people both here and on another forum I belonged to a while back have told me they really like my avatar pic and that I COULD pass if I really tried. Since the avatar pic is from 1 year and 3 months ago, I guess they're right. Guess I gotta try, huh? Well, when the name change comes through, I will.

A few weeks ago, my doctor put me on DOUBLE the usual dose of androgen blockade usually prescribed to MTF transsexuals and said my testosterone was NOT blocked on the usual dose. Imagine that! Think is that this high dose of spironolactone is kicking my butt.

Fortunately, I have a sense of humor about things (understatement!) and will simply improvise, adjust and adapt as necessary according to circumstances. What else CAN I do? Go with the flow; that's what I say!

Congrats to those of you who can "do the ladies' locker room" and ESPECIALLY if you're preop like me!

Rock On Lacey Lynne

The most popular radio station here in The People's Republic just fired up some John Mellencamp ... aaahhh ... life is GOOD!

[Guest Ney'ite]

...

Passing IS important, although some say it isn't.

...

I, too, totally agree with you on this point, Lacey. I know some will argue this point till the cows come home, in truth passing or not passing does not make ANYONE less of a woman than anyone else. But to me personally and only me, passing IS important and it IS everything. For me, that has honestly been THE only thing that has finally brought total peace within me. When I was not passing, each and every "Sir/he/him" was like a daggar through my heart and just pushed me further and further into my own self-imposed prison.

And don't sell yourself short, Lacey - you would probably be surprised at how many may very well look to you and your sense of humor and approach to things as an inspiration to them. I think we all inspire each other in different ways though we may never know whom those individuals are. That is why I try to do my best to just be me and help where I can - if even just one anonymous person secretly finds inspiration in me and what I do helps them, that is worth all the effort.

[Guest Leah1026]

... Passing IS important, although some say it isn't. ...

I, too, totally agree with you on this point, Lacey. I know some will argue this point till the cows come home, in truth passing or not passing does not make ANYONE less of a woman than anyone else. But to me personally and only me, passing IS important and it IS everything. For me, that has honestly been THE only thing that has finally brought total peace within me. When I was not passing, each and every "Sir/he/him" was like a daggar through my heart and just pushed me further and further into my own self-imposed prison.

It's the concept of "passing" I take issue with. The word infers deception. That we're trying to be something we're not, which is totally false.

"Passing" at all costs also perpetuates the cycle of living for others. To successfully transition you must break that cycle.

Now to the highlighted portion. The world is a mean place and we need to realize that people will say and do lots of mean things. Listen to Rocky in this video:

The only person who's opinion matters is your own. As long as you "pass" with yourself, believe in yourself, you will be a success. Other people will sense that confidence, that authenticity in you and will respond to it. And if they don't, they're buttwipes that aren't worth knowing.

Edited February 18, 2012 by Leah1026
Removed video link (not transgender related, per rule 26)

[Guest Ney'ite]

It's the concept of "passing" I take issue with. The word infers deception. That we're trying to be something we're not, which is totally false.

...

This is a true statement, we are who we are and not trying to deceive anyone. However, the cold hard reality is, for some of us, myself included, it IS important that others see me as a woman, not as trans, not as a "man in a dress," just as a woman. If some consider that as me trying to decieve, I guess so be it, that is their right to see things that way. As long as I am seen, treated, addressed as a woman by perfect strangers, that is what matters most to me.

...

"Passing" at all costs also perpetuates the cycle of living for others. To successfully transition you must break that cycle.

...

I am not quite sure how one person's perception of "success" can be used to gauge someone else's. What I may consider successful, someone else may consider an epic failure or perhaps vanity. I feel I have successfully transitioned for me - my success is being seen, treated, addressed as a woman by strangers. This same concept could be applied to non-op and pre-op. A non-op is no less or more successful in transitioning than a pre-op. Success is gauged individually . . . a blanket statement I don't think would work?

...

The only person who's opinion matters is your own. As long as you "pass" with yourself, believe in yourself, you will be a success. Other people will sense that confidence, that authenticity in you and will respond to it. And if they don't, they're buttwipes that aren't worth knowing.

Ultimately yes, that is very true, in a Utopian world. I do not live in that world, so I have to do what I have to do to survive. I do believe in myself, but for me personally, simply "passing" to myself is not good enough nor will it ever be. I cannot just brush off mean comments and simply chalk them up to "buttwipes" who "aren't worth knowing." I am sure that works for some, but not me. But at the same time, I do not think any less of anyone else who feels differently about *themselves* and what constitutes "passing" to *themselves.*

[Drea]

What baffles me is why be concerned about validation?

It is very commone for us to have self esteem issues and one of the most posionuous aspects of that is the need for external validation.

I seen people, who been transitioned for years still getting all excited about getting some validation.

[Guest BeckyTG]

What baffles me is why be concerned about validation?

It is very commone for us to have self esteem issues and one of the most posionuous aspects of that is the need for external validation.

I seen people, who been transitioned for years still getting all excited about getting some validation.

This is a great thought, Drea and Leah, and I'll expand upon it based solely on my own experience.

In my very beginning forays out into the real world as my true self, "passing" as a female was a great joy and major victory to me. Those experiences helped convince me that it was possible for me to transition successfully and live a normal life as a female.

As I began to ease into Full Time, I found it hurt my feelings when I was "read" as a male. I thought about how I should respond when it happens and decided that my best response was to not let it pass. I elected to challenge those who called me sir. What I didn't realize is that an aggressive response on my part was a male trait. I was actually outing myself when I did this. Furthermore, if I got a little carried away, I was marking myself in that place of business and really wouldn't be able to go back there again. I would be picked on even worse.

I decided that the best thing to do was to observe other females in similar situations, where they were picked on or others were rude to them. In many cases, they would respond with a dramatic "Really?" "You have to say that? Really?"

I as get more comfortable as myself and as I gain greater and greater acceptance of myself, I hardly ever get misgendered any more. I think one of the biggest parts of this "passing" stuff is self acceptance. I have come to believe that, when we get overly preoccupied with "passing", it's because maybe we're not all that sold on who we are, anyway.

All I've had to do is see other women who are less feminine than me, less attractive than me and, in some cases, downright ugly. They're all women. They all accept that they are women, at least most of them. Therefore, the world accepts that they are women.

This might be best illustrated as one of those things (that everyone has) that is a visual weak point, that the person who has it would like to get changed. It might be big ears, a large nose or a prominent chin. A cruel person might mention it to them, as a bullying tactic. In that frame of reference, that same person might also call me sir. If I give them the wrong reaction, I'll communicating to them that they just got to me and that's just an invitation for them to do it again and again. It might also validate their suspicions if I've reacted like a male, rather than a female.

My response now is either no response at all, or a wry smile and a slight tip of the head. If I've never met the person before and probably never will again, what does it matter? How rude can some people behave, anyway? I don't want to challenge them and find out, it's not important for me to know.

The funny thing is, the better I understand this and the more comfortable I am with myself, the less it happens and the less prepared I need to be....

I guess what I think you two are saying is that, when you are finally comfortable as your real self, what others say or do won't matter so much. The more comfortable you are with yourself, the less often it will happen.

So, my advice is: Sell yourself first, others will pick up on it themselves and then it won't matter anyway.

Hugs,

Becky

[Guest Teagan]

What baffles me is why be concerned about validation?

It is very commone for us to have self esteem issues and one of the most posionuous aspects of that is the need for external validation.

I seen people, who been transitioned for years still getting all excited about getting some validation.

Um, it's called being human. Trans people as well as non-trans people seek validation of all different sorts. I agree with you that it's not necessarily healthy, but to say that one is "baffled" when reading that certain trans people seek validation strikes me as either naive or disingenuous.

Personally, I'm past the point of needing or seeking validation in the manner described in this thread, but I can certainly understand how others might. I've been there. We all have. It would be very easy for me to say that other people need to learn to wholly accept themselves and ignore things like "sir," but the reality is that it just takes time and experience for most people to get to that point. Having someone tell you in an Internet forum doesn't help too much with that, I've found.

So just get out and live. Hopefully at some point, and hopefully sooner rather than later, one will learn to be wholly comfortable in her own skin.

[Guest Lacey Lynne]

Point-Counterpoint:

This is debate. This is progress. This is cool.

While I highly value everybody's input on this thread, I'm chiming in one more time to be philosophically on board with your own Bettet2010. Passing, in THIS PARTICULAR INSTANCE is of paramount importance. Why?

"Guy in the girl's locker room? OMG! Call the cops!"

THAT'S the issue in this thread, as I see it anyway. Now, check this out:

Just today, I'm tooling down the highway on my way to the gym, and it turns out there was an accident blocking the way just before I got there, could not get through and had to turn back. I felt sorry for the people involved. However, the point is being in the ladies' locker room here.

Just today, by total and fantastic surprise, I personally met with one of our very own members on this forum, and she set me straight and reassured me I COULD "make it" and pass in the ladies' locker room ... if I just did a few things and went for it. Now, this girl is very honest, very smart and I trust her opinion.

So!

Here's the deal:

She's right, I fully believe. So, I'm going to buy a few articles as recommended by her, have my carry letter, talk to the management and then just DO it. Will it turn out well? Hopefully so.

Peace Lacey

[Guest Svenna]

Becky:

Wonderfully stuff!

I am not anywhere near being ready to try to 'pass' full time on the outside, but I am ready on the inside.

If I had SRS surgery today, I'd go en femme full time and let the chips fall where they may until FFS could provide the final touches..

Without any surgeries, I will likely linger in my new mode, feminine androgyny, where I can 'pass' more easily...

Thanks you to all for sharing your stories. I will be needing every bit of good sense i can muster as I approach 'male fail'...

Love, love, love, Svenna

[Guest BeckyTG]

Becky:

Wonderfully stuff!

I am not anywhere near being ready to try to 'pass' full time on the outside, but I am ready on the inside.

If I had SRS surgery today, I'd go en femme full time and let the chips fall where they may until FFS could provide the final touches..

Without any surgeries, I will likely linger in my new mode, feminine androgyny, where I can 'pass' more easily...

Thanks you to all for sharing your stories. I will be needing every bit of good sense i can muster as I approach 'male fail'...

Love, love, love, Svenna

Svenna,

The first step in gaining real confidence is the name and gender change on the driver's license. Now you have proof for the world right in your purse. This little document helps you believe in yourself more than anything.

Integrating into society as a female is about much more than a still photograph. It's mannerisms, behavior, posture, movement and more. It takes time to soak all this up and let it become who you are. Drea has said time and again that we must be around other females to become socialized.

Watch your reflection in store doors and windows as you approach. This can be very helpful.

Stop worrying about FFS. Hormones alone will work wonders over a few years. Your entire body will get reshaped. There was a time when I was a classic male gymnast, with a large upper body narrowing down to very slender hips. I had big shoulders and was very powerful in the upper body. Today, uh, not so much. Today, I have a figure and a female shape. Seeing me from the back, there is no doubt you are behind a woman. I have a cute little female caboose that has been admired by many other women. This is no doubt been helped by serious bicycle riding and conditioning.

I started out with size 6 slacks, today I fill out a size 12 very nicely and I love the way I look in jeans.....

Give it time, get those documents and relax and let the woman come on out. She's been there all along, it's time.

Hugs,

Becky

[Guest Svenna]

Thank you, Becky!

I've only been on the low dose stuff for about 3 1/2 months and my body has changes so much already that it makes me eager for the whole enchilada , pronto! Thanks for the reminder that Rome isn't built in a day.

I asked my spouse just yesterday what she would name me if I wanted to take on a female name. She is always frightened by such talk, but we began a dialogue and that is a big step. A full name and document change will rock her universe, but in due time, it is an inevitability..

Whenever I see my reflection in a window or mirror without knowing it is me I am seeing, I just see a tall, slender woman that attracts my attention. I like what I see at a glance already, the full changes from years of HRT will be further icing on the this luscious cake. And yes, that would be the same cake that I used to want to have and yet be able to eat, too. I am no longer interested in eating the cake, having it is far better! lol...

I am so grateful for the coaching, I have a long, long way to go...

Love, love! Svenna

[Guest ZoeG360]

Its funny, today I was at the hairdresser getting my hair colored. Oh, yea, I was in guy mode. Howse that for crazy?

Actuallly I discovered a good hair colorist some time ago who understands a guys hair and helps me keep those grays and silvers from creeping in. One of the advantages of being trans is that I am not afraid to take advantage of women's wealth of knowledge about all things hair. The irony? Its the salon at the health club I go to! (that's a wig on my avatar)

Actually it is part of my master plan. I figured as I get closer to transition, I am going to out to my hairdresser early on. (Does she or does'nt she? Only her hairdresser knows for sure!!). I actually have great hair, thick and wavy when I grow it out.

Oh yea, the point Zoe, the point.

The point is that while I was sitting there with a plastic bag on my head waiting for the color to set I was thinking about being there as a female and how cool it will be. I was thinking its not that big a deal, no one really pays attention, and if they do... so what?

Then I looked at my face in the mirror . Square jaw, droopy eyes. Fantasy blown to smithereens. Maybe someday but it takes a lot of work to create the illusion. My workouts are intense and I have to change out my shirt once or twice so in and out of the locker room is a must.

Like Lacey, I am on spiro though not for more than a few weeks so I am hopeful on the body front. Face wise? A long way to go before that gets fixed.

One thing though (bathrooms and lockers aside) I am proud of being trans and who I am. I am not a victim and not a perv. I am me so though passing would be nice, but it is not my main driver.

The way I see it "passing" implies that someone is actively regarding me and gendering me. Success would be if they ignored that altogether and it never occurs to them to wonder what gender I might be. That is the privilege that cisgendered people enjoy.

Lacey: Tell me how it goes girl. Maybe I'll meet you in there and we'll go sweat together. Bring it on.

:>)))

zoe

[Guest Lacey Lynne]

Zoe:

Girl, I'd be HONORED to whip it on with you at the gym anytime!

Peace & Joy Lacey Lynne

[Guest mistygirl7]

OK aside from how this topic that got off topic. I have to say this was my last conformation to me personally to ultimately used the women's locker room and pass very well. Even tonight has proven to be better when i went in a change. As i walked in to select a locker another very pretty girl around my age walked in right be hind me and her locker was just right next to mine that I was going to used and proff!! Nothing happened. I was just another girl in the room.

,

[Guest Leah1026]

... Passing IS important, although some say it isn't. ...

I, too, totally agree with you on this point, Lacey. I know some will argue this point till the cows come home, in truth passing or not passing does not make ANYONE less of a woman than anyone else. But to me personally and only me, passing IS important and it IS everything. For me, that has honestly been THE only thing that has finally brought total peace within me. When I was not passing, each and every "Sir/he/him" was like a daggar through my heart and just pushed me further and further into my own self-imposed prison.

It's the concept of "passing" I take issue with. The word infers deception. That we're trying to be something we're not, which is totally false.

"Passing" at all costs also perpetuates the cycle of living for others. To successfully transition you must break that cycle.

Now to the highlighted portion. The world is a mean place and we need to realize that people will say and do lots of mean things. Listen to Rocky in this video:

The only person who's opinion matters is your own. As long as you "pass" with yourself, believe in yourself, you will be a success. Other people will sense that confidence, that authenticity in you and will respond to it. And if they don't, they're buttwipes that aren't worth knowing.

Anyone wanting to see the video with Rocky, do a search at YouTube for "Rocky inspirational speech to his son". You want the version that's 3:34 long.

[Guest Leah1026]

There are other versions of the clip that are 3:20 and 3:22 long that are good to.

[Guest Pamela5]

Bathrooms and girls locker rooms present a problem in the in between stage of transition. I always feared men as I was harassed, picked on and called a girl for much of my life (little did they know how right they were). I am 5'7" 130# small framed and always feared someone would hurt me. I used unisex bathrooms and watched my coffee intake until I felt I was completely passable. After months of HRT and an orci, I had all my documents changed and then I was no longer worried about the girls room. I made sure to show some cleavage when I went into the girls locker room and never had any trouble. My advice is to be very careful as I was in the girls locker room one day when a person who was in transition came in. Unfortunately her large size drew attention to her. One of the women got very upset and threatened to call the police. The poor TS ran out very afraid. The moral of the story is there are people who find our condition offensive and will cause problems for us. Most women are understanding but all are not.

[Guest Nikkima]

I just went through the same thing. My gym is basically all Armenian I was soooooooo nervous

And scared. But I did it, and the only one that was all stressed out about it was me! Yay

[Guest Daiyu Hurst]

What baffles me is why be concerned about validation?

It is very commone for us to have self esteem issues and one of the most posionuous aspects of that is the need for external validation.

I seen people, who been transitioned for years still getting all excited about getting some validation.

For the most part, I've found since I've become immersed in life as a woman, I'm usually too busy to worry about validation. Feeling safe is a more primary concern (and even that's minimal). My experiences can't be generalized, since in this city, I enjoy legal protections along with other trans folk, in employment, housing, and public accommodations. I wish every trans person had the legal protections we have here.