Coming Out at Work

[Guest KaelParker]

Hi guys and gals,

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about my transition and where I want to go from here. I've decided that this summer I will most likely begin hormone therapy with testosterone. While I'm really very excited about that, I still have a lot of worries that I need to work through before I'm ready to begin my hormonal transition.

Probably the most pressing and concerning issue for me is my job. I work at a very nice local restaurant with many people that I enjoy. I like what I do and the people I interact with at work. This is the most fulfilling job I've ever had and I very much want to keep it as I go through transition. However, I'm concerned about coming out and I'd like to have some ideas about how I can do it and what the best way is to explain it is.

I'd like people who have some experience with these kinds of situations to help me out if possible. Thanks!

[Guest mistygirl7]

My suggestion is talk to manager, hrt rep if its a fransices about your situation and pre pare together about how to go about and to make sure he or she is on your side and to protect you if any incident occur.

[Guest KaelParker]

Yeah, I want to tell my immediate manager first and then speak to the owner of the restaurant. We don't have a Human Resources department, so that's out. I was mostly looking for methods of coming out to my immediate manager. I was thinking maybe of writing her a letter and giving it to her to read. It would be really difficult for me to talk to her directly.

[Sally]

Actually talking to your manager is the best way - a letter might be easier but I think that the personal, eye to eye approach is so much better.

It was very difficult to talk to my HR director, I even got rather emotional and in fact for me that might have been a good thing as I am MTF - the most important thing is to let them know that you will still be the same type of worker only the name badge and uniform will change - for me it has been pretty much of a non issue.

Good luck to you,

Sally

[Guest KaelParker]

Thank you Sally.

[JJ]

Since I don't have to come out at work I can't share an experience but I do want to to wish you all the best with it.

So often our attitude makes all the difference. In the situations where I have had to come out to people-many fundamentalists religious people and conservative to boot -I have been amazed at how nice and how accepting they have been. I tried hard to always keep a positive attitude as well as not actually using the words transsexual or even transgendered at all. That kept the focus on what I was saying about my situation rather than kicking in stereotypes to have to overcome I think and is something I recommend.

I've had people come back and ask if that is what I am and I say yes but they have already accepted me by then and only later got around to a label that they fit to me rather than me to it. I feel that really works well in most cases. Especially when you use the scientific brain explanation to help them understand that you aren't changing who you are -just making it more obvious and open so that people are less confused and not more confused in the long run. That you aren't becoming a guy-you're just letting people know that you are one. Which is necessary because of the mismatch in body and brain you were born with

Johnny

[Guest Donna Jean]

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I worked for a year and a half while on HRT and presenting as male (I'm MTF) and when I finally came out it was a non event.....

Taking your time is always the best way.....

Dee Jay