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I saw myself for the first time today


Guest NatashaJade

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Guest NatashaJade

And for the first time in my life, I felt that beyond the swelling and the scars, the body I have is the body I am supposed to have. There is no feeling I can begin to describe to you that matches this one.

And even though there is pain, recovery hurts. Sometimes recovery hurts more than you can stand, there are painkillers and the promise of the next day free from a bit more of it. Today was a milestone because they removed the gauze "packing", the "lobster" and I was finally able to see my vagina...my vagina. The landscape of my body forever altered.

And so here I am in Montreal, the city of my rebirth. I, now a spiritual Québécois, spiritually bound to the other women and men who have been given new life by our surgeons, our parents, Drs. Brassard and Belanger. We laugh and cry together, knowing what it means to be reborn and grateful for whatever powers were able to bring us to this lovely city for this amazing event.

So for you, my friends. Some of you have come this way before and some will be taking a similar journey in the future and if this is your path, know that it is not easy and you will welcome the pain killers and will allow yourself to sleep the days by so that the new ones will bring less swelling...less discomfort. Something more akin to normal life. But we must suffer to transform, to be a flower of light, a fleur-de-lis. To be someone who is purely grateful for having made it through and beyond.

I am not just a woman. I am a trans woman...I have been transformed, reformed into something more beautiful than I thought I could ever be.

All my love to you.

I will not be posting a blow by blow. Rather, if you have questions, ask them in this thread or privately and I will be happy to answer.

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Guest Ney'ite

This is just a beautiful post, and brought a tear to my eye, Natasha - I am so very happy for you! To simply say "Congratulations" would not even come close to the joy I feel for you so I am not even going to try to put it into words . . . but I know you understand. :)

:friends:

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Hi Tasha,

I'm so happy that your surgery went well and your recovery is contiuing, and just plain jump-for-joy happy for you!

Thank you for sharing a few precious moments of what has to be a huge time of discovery amidst the pain.

We're there with you, you know. (yep! watch out for your privacy)

Big hugs! Love, Megan

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  • Admin

Wonderful post, Tasha. I am so happy for you. Your words radiate such joy, it made me smile reading it.

You have a new life to look forward to. Get on with it, girl!

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

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Guest Lacey Lynne

Tasha:

You've left me speechless, and THAT'S nearly impossible to do, as you well know! What can I say! Simply sublime!

Time to let your light shine lustrously with it's natural effulgence, oh, erudite one!

You, honey, ARE THERE!!!

Speechlessly :friends: Lacey

Heck, wish I could of transcribed your surgery report! :excl:

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Guest Elizabeth K

There is no feeling I can begin to describe to you that matches this one.

This makes me smile! First for you, then for Dee Jay and me, then for everyone else on this particular journey.

You give us so much with that particular statement.

What else can I say?

Love you

Elizabeth

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Guest NatashaJade

Much love to all of you :D if you think you cannot do this, know I though that as well. My roommate in the hospital had her sister and a friend visit. They asked her hat the woman in the next bed was doing. They thought I was there for some plastic surgery. They could not believe I was there for grs :D

Be fearless. You can do this.

xoxo

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Guest Krisina

Natasha in Quebec the city of your rebirth, with the body you were supposed to have.

Transformed, reformed into something more beautiful than you thought you could ever be. :)

I am very happy for you Natasha :)

Lots of love and positive energy your way :)

Krisina

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Oh Tasha. I bet you never thought pain could feel so good...Well at least mentally. You've done it. You will never have to see that unwanted growth anymore. The physical transition is now past the peak and all there is left to do is to fill in the edges.

I also am happy that you are enjoying Montreal so much. The question is do you want to leave? Well at least during the summer. Oh, I've read the recovery room for Dr Brassard is fantastic. One of the best.

{{{Hugs}}}

Jenny

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Congratulations Natasha, yes indeed getting that packing out does feels wonderful, the pain will get less and less each day, now most of your time will be taken up with dilating, even that will get less as time goes on.

Paula

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Guest Elizabeth K

We each will stay two days in the hospital after surgery and then transfer to the hotel. Counting the days you show,Tash, your packing came out the fourth day after surgery - so our dilating will start in the hotel, most likely? Just trying to get an idea.

Lizzy

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Holy Moly!!!

Tasha, just wow, wow, wow...

Such food for thought, I'm gonna be chewin' on this for quite a while...

I am so HAPPY for YOU!

Thanks for taking the time to share in spite of the discomfort...

May your recovery be swift and joyous!

Love, Svenna

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Oh wow. That is good news. And there you are, being reborn in my home country. Good for you. I am so happy you got through it and are recovering nicely. :)

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Guest NatashaJade

We each will stay two days in the hospital after surgery and then transfer to the hotel. Counting the days you show,Tash, your packing came out the fourth day after surgery - so our dilating will start in the hotel, most likely? Just trying to get an idea.

We left the hospital on Thursday and we don't start dilating until today (so day 5 after the surgery day

0. Will you have 24 hour nursing care available? I only say this because having just had a 4am oxy delivery was very nice considering the pain and chills I woke up to.

xoxo

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Guest NatashaJade

I also am happy that you are enjoying Montreal so much. The question is do you want to leave? Well at least during the summer. Oh, I've read the recovery room for Dr Brassard is fantastic. One of the best.

{{{hugs}}}

If my spouse and kids were here, I'd never want to leave. But home is where they are and I miss them dearly. We're rethinking our plans to move to Vermont. we'd like that very much.

As far as the recovery with Dr. Brassard, I have no complaints at all, The service and staff here and wonderful, even giving a 2am hug if it is needed. It is everything people have said about it, I assure you. Know this, I would not choose anther location.

xpxp

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  • Forum Moderator

Thanks for sharing with us here Natasha, your story inspirational.

Best wishes for a speedy recovery, and life as it should be.

Cindy -

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Guest NatashaJade

And with my evening douche and application of polysporin to wounds, I have finished my two day crash course in feminine hygiene (many used pads fill the trash cans which the very kind folks around here keep emptying).

This combined with the hot flashes from the total lack of hormones in my system and cramps have given me a unique temporal feminine experience.

For those of you with long hair, I will advise you to tie it up when dilating.

Dilating is so weird!

xoxo

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Guest angels wings

Natasha ur post gave me happy goose bumps ur joy is so obivous . Congratulations lovey :) wishing u a speedy recovery ((((hugs))))

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Tasha,

What amazing moments these are, thank you for opening a window into your new world..

I mean, wow, whoa! and whew!

Thats the REAL deal, now, yes?

Hugs and more hugs! Svenna

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