Coming out letter. Thoughts?

[Guest Turner_53]

Dear Dad,

I know writing a letter usually isn’t my style usually I just say whatever I say to your face. Whether its appropriate or not. Writing this is really hard for me and handing it too you is even harder. Please read this whenever you have some time (if you ever get it) because I don’t want you to be distracted. There is a lot of things in this letter and please try to understand. I’ll be ready to talk after you read it and I know its probably a shock to you.

You may have noticed that I’ve been on the computer a lot and researching things. Maybe you haven’t but either way what I’m going to say is still important. I am transgender. Being transgender is a birth defect. It happens because of changes in the amount of hormones in the womb. This happens when a babys brain is forming. If it is a baby girl (like me) the brain gets the signal to become a male brain but the body does not change much. The brain is way more sensitive than the body to these changes. (I have sources for you to read). When the baby is born it looks normal. Like I look like a perfectly normal girl except for my flat chest possibly. The brain I have though is the brain of a male. There are different setups for a female brain and a male brain.

So I was born a girl as you know but I really feel like a guy. I know you’re probably thinking can’t she just be a lesbian but a lesbian is a women who is attracted to other women. I’m a guy who’s attracted to both genders. There’s a large difference.

Dad I’m certain about this. It isn’t a cry for attention or anything. I have felt like this for a long time. I’m not crazy or anything. I have just wanted to get this out and everything. Hopefully you read through all of this.

Sincerely,

*birthname*

[Sally]

Turner,

I think that this is a very good letter - I am sure that it reflects your style and personality.

It sets up the conversation where you can get into a lot more details, often we try to put everything into that one letter - you have the right idea, enough information to be taken seriously and open the door for discussion.

This is such a hard step because we cannot decide for anyone else how they will react to the news.

Good luck with your dad.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Turner_53]

I wasn't sure exactly if I should add more. I decided against it because it would be easeir to see how he reacts to this instead of talking about surgeries and hormones. I also don't want to make him read to much.

I also wasn't sure what to put on the name thing either. If I should give my preferred name or my birthname.

[Sally]

When I sent a letter to my sister I signed it "your sister, new name" - First, Middle and Last.

She calls me Sally all of the time now.

The choice is yours.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest MissSiul]

Put the birth name,it's already a shock to know your child is

transsexual,better leave the name or other details for when you

guys talk face to face.

[Guest Mikkiapolis]

Good for you for taking this brave step! And nice job with the letter, I'm impressed with your clarity.

My one thought relates to the follow-on conversations, where I hope you will ask for his support with getting gender counseling to help you move forward through your journey. But that certainly doesn't have to be first on the list.

I always like the idea of letting others ask questions initially (giving only brief answers, letting them decide how much detail they want and when). I'm planning to tell my parents in about a week - and I just turned 51! Can I be just a little jealous at the insights you have to yourself at your age? (That's a compliment!)

Best wishes, and lots of supportive hugs to you.

[Guest Turner_53]

Thank you for all your help!

[Guest inaminutehoney]

Turner, I did most of my coming out via e-mail and in the end, this was a pretty good decision. People who I wrote told me this was far better than confronting them in person. Writing them gave them some time to think about it and do some research on this topic. Most of my friends and family never heard of TG/TS before.

All the best with your coming out!

[Guest MsPerseveres]

Very well written letter - it's concise without being abrupt, and gives all the essentials without overwhelming him with all of your knowledge and feelings and dreams.

You're a very special guy - I wish you the best of luck in your next steps. Like Mikki, I'm jealous of your insight and clarity at your age - I have no idea when I'm going to come out to my parents, and I'm almost 46.

Hugs, Brenda