I really hate dialating

[Guest kelise]

After almost two years, I really REALLY hate it. Sometimes the pain is unbearable. I've never been able to stand bigger than the blue dialator, even that I sometimes fear is gonna tear me. Worse yet, the pain has removed any connection I had between penetration and sexual pleasure. I rely solely on my clit for that now. I just can't fathom being turned on by having something inserted in me anymore. I'm finding myself really bitter towards the fact that sex toys are so huge. The thought of wanting anything like that, let alone something large makes my skin crawl. Then there's the gross feeling of the lube oozing out afterward. I've tried using a more liquidy lube so it's less "oozy" but it's still so slimy and uncomfortable. And the smell...

Mind, I am NOT regretful of getting the surgery AT ALL. I LOVE my vagina! I just hate the maintenence. Won't my body ever relax? Makes me wonder what's even the point of keeping it open?

[Charlize]

Kelise, Thank you for posting. Its good to know the negatives as well as the positives. Sorry its not as easy as it seems it should be. I'm sure you have talked to your MD.

Again thanks for telling us and hope it gets better with time.

Hug, Charlie

[Guest lairlane]

Good Morning Kairi Elise,

I'm would never presume to be the authority on post-op maintenance. That said, I did notice something in your comments which may be of value. The connection between your vaginal nerve endings and the way your brain processes the sensations produced by dilation seems to prevent some well deserved relaxation during that period.

You may well have considered some of these suggestions and you are welcome to suggest I take a long dive off the nearest OR table into the "bucket" but here goes...

In no order of priority (whatever works for you)

music

heat

vibration

shapes other than the typical bullet train

meditation

acupuncture

essential oils

oriental healing arts/therapy

Always wishing you the best

Lana

[Guest Maria_B]

Why does Ooze have to sound disgusting too >_<

They do make smaller toys, it's just finding them amongst the 10,000 BC Mammoths. But they are there.

[Drea]

As I recall Marci Bowers recommends dialating daily. That does seem like it can become a chore. Is it something that you are doing daily or more irregularly?

You can of course stop dialating, but that can result in irreversible changes that can't be undone easily if at all. Given your partner and relationship interests it may be an option you choose.

Douching afterwards can reduce the amount of oozing later.

It us unfortunate that the pain has turned you off of pleasure from penatratin.

The only thing I could suggest is dialating more frequently may help if not doing too frequently. If freqently it might be helped by doing so less frequently tho that may be risky. If doing daily as example it could be that it is remaining in an inflamed state all the time. Ask your doctor.

[Kyla666]

wait.... You have todilate FOR EVER!!!

I was under the impression that you only have to do this for a good 12-14 months as the body heals

[Drea]

wait.... You have todilate FOR EVER!!!

I was under the impression that you only have to do this for a good 12-14 months as the body heals

Yes it can't be stopped without atrophe.

Frequency goes down from multiple times per day to, well for Marci once per day according to a friend. Other surgeons may recommend only once or twice per week.

[Guest Jenni_S]

wait.... You have todilate FOR EVER!!!

I was under the impression that you only have to do this for a good 12-14 months as the body heals

FOR EVER!!

At least that's what my discharge instructions said. Three times a day for six weeks, twice a day for six more, then once a day thereafter. I confirmed it's forever last year with Dr. Bowers' office, and Robin added, "good to hear you're still doing it, most of our patients seem to think it's optional."

Of course, every surgeon is different, and may have different instructions. So do what your surgeon tells you to do.

[Guest Krisina]

I've heard dial action has to be done for the rest of your life too. Jenni_S gave out some good information.

Krisina

[Guest Lizzie McTrucker]

I heard once you're down to the once a day regimen, you don't have to dilate every day if you have (safe) intercourse with your boyfriend or husband, assuming you're into that. I would imagine lesbians could substitute with a comparable device?

[Guest Jenni_S]

I heard once you're down to the once a day regimen, you don't have to dilate every day if you have (safe) intercourse with your boyfriend or husband, assuming you're into that. I would imagine lesbians could substitute with a comparable device?

That would be correct. Those same instructions do say that can be "substituted."

[Guest kelise]

Again, that would require actually enjoying penetration.

[Guest Jenni_S]

Again, that would require actually enjoying penetration.

And that's fine if you don't. I'm sure there are many that would agree with you. Some, on the other hand, judging from what has been said here and what those instructions said, do.

[Guest Leah1026]

For what it's worth I'm almost 5 years out and I still dilate 3 times a week. It's a bit of a chore, but I do it because I must. What I mean by that is I have marginal depth to begin with and I don't want to lose any of it. That said I do like one side effect of dilation: being lubricated. Unless I go more than 3 days or so between dilations I'm always somewhat lubricated down there. And ,for lack of a better way to explain it, I like the way that THAT feels.

Kelise: Because of my small size I have always stuck with Pinky and Joe Average (blue). The more relaxed you are the easier insertion is. I use breathing techniques to help things along. I have found things relax down there while I'm exhaling. Hence I usually insert during exhalation. Just relax your legs and breath out. Also, do you pre-lube the opening? I always put a couple finger-tips worth of lube on/in the opening and it helps. So I use lube on both the dilator and on myself; hard to use too much lube. Another trick that might help is dilating after self gratification. I have found that dilation is usually easier to start after that because it tends to dilate things by itself (Oooooooo!).

Hope this isn't TMI.

[Guest vtphoenix]

I went to Dr. Brassard and the dilation schedule he gives is this:

For 1 month: 4 times a day, 20 min each

For the next 2 months: 3 times a day, 30 min each

For the next 3 months: 2 times a day, 30 min each

For the next 6 months: 1 time a day, 30 min each

After a year: 1 time per week for 30 min, which may not be necessary if you're having penetrative sex.

I'm only 3 weeks post-op so I still have a bit of swelling and I've found dilation is a lot easier for me if I put an ice pack down there for 10-15 min first. Obviously, that advice won't help you...

but maybe it might help some newly post-op girls?

Anyway, I don't have any pain dilating so far and only very mild discomfort when the dilator is in as far as it will go. I'm also able to easily wipe away any lubricant that comes out and don't find it horribly disgusting.

[Sakura]

Dilating . is prolly thee most off putting thing to me about the Op. not for the hassle( though it does seem rather time consuming) , but for the constant reminder that it is not real. not real as in natal women do not need to constantly stick something up there to keep theirs from colapsing. a golden example of the limitations of the surgery i guess.

Sakura

[Guest crissy_oakley]

Sakura,

I would respectfully disagree and assert a surgically created vagina (or penis) is real. Speaking for myself, my penis is a constant physical reminder that my sex does not match my gender. Having a vagina would bring my mind and body, together. I think that saying that a surgically created vagina is, "fake", is like saying that breasts and other physical features created by HRT and surgery, are "fake" as well, since they were created and not natural.

crissy

[Guest vtphoenix]

Dilating . is prolly thee most off putting thing to me about the Op. not for the hassle( though it does seem rather time consuming) , but for the constant reminder that it is not real. not real as in natal women do not need to constantly stick something up there to keep theirs from colapsing. a golden example of the limitations of the surgery i guess.

Sakura

Sakura,

I would respectfully disagree and assert a surgically created vagina (or penis) is real. Speaking for myself, my penis is a constant physical reminder that my sex does not match my gender. Having a vagina would bring my mind and body, together. I think that saying that a surgically created vagina is, "fake", is like saying that breasts and other physical features created by HRT and surgery, are "fake" as well, since they were created and not natural.

crissy

Not just that, but after a year "constantly" is just once a week, and then only if you're not having penetrative sex regularly.

The thing is that hormones, surgery, and all the things that we do to modify our physical appearance to reflect who we are on the inside, are not perfect. So the question is: Will doing these imperfect things, to bring us at least closer to who we imagine we are, be good enough? There is no one size fits all answer. It's something very personal that we all must wrestle with.

When I started my transition, I tried to be really honest about my expectations. If I would always be visibly trans, would I do this? If I made an ugly female, would I do this? In the end, my answer, regarding hormones, surgery, and everything was that I would seek to come as close as possible to the real me. Maybe it's not "perfect" but then, what is? I certainly felt a whole hell of a lot better with every step, but I accept that there will always be difficulties. That's just life.

And I try to be a "glass is half full" kind of girl

(Also, if we are always comparing ourselves to others, not just natal women, but in general, we will always fall short. )

[Guest kelise]

I'm almost at two years now and if I go more than a day without dialating, it's almost so agonizing that I have to go down to pinky for a while, then step it up.

[~Nova~]

Sakura,

I would respectfully disagree and assert a surgically created vagina (or penis) is real. Speaking for myself, my penis is a constant physical reminder that my sex does not match my gender. Having a vagina would bring my mind and body, together. I think that saying that a surgically created vagina is, "fake", is like saying that breasts and other physical features created by HRT and surgery, are "fake" as well, since they were created and not natural.

crissy

I'm pretty sure if it's not real and created, then it's fake. My vagina was created by a doctor, it will never be real. Dont get me wrong, I live it, but I'm not going to lie to myself and think that it's real.

The last leg of the xy male lost that last part of the x between their legs. Unfortunately if you remove the penis, and extra arm does not grow on the the DNA.

I enjoy dilation, I do not enjoy cleaning up afterward.

[Guest vtphoenix]

Why do we label things as real or fake and why are such distinctions that important? It's meaningless for society to say we are not real women. The word woman itself is such an arbitrary word, it could've been created to describe literally anything. I certainly feel real enough but, after reading this discussion, I can see where they get it from.

It's called the sanction of the victim. Simply put, it's when a victim's guilt and shame legitimize their victimization.

When I'm having sex, I bet my vagina will feel real enough. I'm not going to lose sleep because I don't have periods or can't have a baby. So what if some doctor created it instead of nature? Like OMG, it's not the most really real vagina that a really real girl has! I can be satisfied with technology substituting for what nature didn't give me or I can be a man. I'd rather be a physically fake woman - the physical is so superficial - rather than a mentally, emotionally, and spiritually fake man.

But that's just me.

[Sakura]

Wow, lol didn't realize i was touching a nerve with that post. but for the record i never said the word "fake", though the meaning of fake is "not real". * shrugs* . i feel i was simply stating a realistic expectation . is that not the party line ? realistic expectation. but i will not hijack kelise post by getting on a soap box and attempting to defend my point of view.

I'd rather be a physically fake woman - the physical is so superficial - rather than a mentally, emotionally, and spiritually fake man.

But that's just me.

Preaching to the choir

Sakura

[Guest Leah1026]

I'm almost at two years now and if I go more than a day without dialating, it's almost so agonizing that I have to go down to pinky for a while, then step it up.

I have always started my dilations with Pinky (still do). Pinky opens things up and makes Joe's (blue) visit much more pleasant.

[Guest Leah1026]

Dilating . is prolly thee most off putting thing to me about the Op. not for the hassle( though it does seem rather time consuming) , but for the constant reminder that it is not real. not real as in natal women do not need to constantly stick something up there to keep theirs from collapsing.

Oh really? Who are these made for:

http://www.vaginismus.com/products/dilator_set

They are made for natal women.

[Guest Beth Andrea]

Dilating . is prolly thee most off putting thing to me about the Op. not for the hassle( though it does seem rather time consuming) , but for the constant reminder that it is not real. not real as in natal women do not need to constantly stick something up there to keep theirs from collapsing.

Oh really? Who are these made for:

http://www.vaginismu...cts/dilator_set

They are made for natal women.

Fascinating...I went there, and asked myself "What is 'vaginismus'?"

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vaginismus

Vaginismus

A woman is said to have primary vaginismus when she has never been able to have penetrative sex or experience vaginal penetration without pain. It is commonly discovered in teenagers and women in their early twenties, as this is when many young women in the Western world first attempt to use tampons, have penetrative sex, or undergo a Pap smear. Women with vaginismus may be unaware of the condition until they attempt vaginal penetration. A woman may be unaware of the reasons for her condition.^[1]

Well, there you go. Just wanted to share what I'd learned here. (I'm 'pre-op', but learning all I can beforehand)