Something good just happened, something unknown is about to happen

[Guest Edu]

On Saturday evening, I was hanging out with a friend when I decided it was already time for him to know.

I would have never expected things to go as good and smooth as they went He's very open-minded, and I was confident he would, at the very least, respect my identity (and that'd been enough for me). What I didn't see coming is that he would understand things so clearly and so easily. I only ask for respect, but understanding and support are always welcome.

To put the cherry on the top, he had recently studied something about make-up special effects and characterization; and he's going to point me to some good stores around town to shop for make-up and related stuff; and he also has several contacts who can provide some advise (with a bit of luck, by the end of this week, I might finally find some product able to cover my "moustache shadow"!).

Things going so well over the weekend was the final push I needed to take a critical step. I plan to come out to my boss, possibly today. I think I should put things into context for everything to make sense:

I work on a small company (5 people at the office, plus the boss). There is no "HR Department. Actually, I could say that my boss is a single-man HR department.

The boss lives in England (the company is located in Spain). He comes here from time to time, then goes back to England, and so on, without much warning nor any kind of predictability.

In preparation for when I start actually transitioning, I have been taking small steps for a while. To put some examples, in April I got my ears pierced and have been wearing a pair of earrings; since last week I have been putting on some makeup for work, nothing too outstanding, but definitely noticeable (some eyeshadow, eyeliner, foundation to mitigate the beard/moustache shadow, and a bit of lip color), and I plan to gradually adjust my choice of clothes (comming soon: switching from baggy jeans to skinny ones; but no skirts or dresses at work for now). The idea behind all this is to make things as smooth as possible, so when I "drop the bomb" at the office, there won't be too much surprise. In fact, by now, I actually hope that my workmates already suspect something.

I got my current therapist through Spain's public health system, which means that we get a 30min session once a month or so. I'm planning (and that therapist agrees and is going to help me with this) to switch to a private specialist; probably getting weekly 1 hour sessions. That is likely to speed things up, and it opens up the possibility that I might be ready to start social transition before the boss comes around here again.

That's why I feel it's the right time to talk to him about this topic. Also, the work environment is very open-minded, and I don't think my position depends on anything else that my ability to actually do my job. But I'm getting more nervous each moment that passes, and I had to write this to sort out my thoughts and get a bit calmer.

This job is what allowed me to live on my own (I had been living at my grandma's place before that), and being on my own is what made all my progress possible. Now I may be putting my job, and thus the lifestyle I'm sustaining through it, on the line.

I feel like I'm about to jump off a cliff... I'm confident I'll make it through the gap and reach whatever there is at the other side; but the void in between is scary anyway.

Sorry for the rant, I just had to let this out. If anyone's interested, I'll post back after talking with my boss to let you know how things went.

Regards,

Ethain

[Guest LizMarie]

Congratulations, Ethain!

Taking those steps is important. I've just begun going out as myself recently and it can be a scary thing. Since I work from home most of the time presently, I've not had to do anything to adapt for my co-workers. But eventually I will have to likewise inform HR and them of what is transpiring, just not yet.

I wish you luck on your chosen path.

[Guest angels wings]

Ethain thanks for sharing . You do have a great friend there Please do come back and let us know how it all went . I wish you all the best .

Angel

[Charlize]

Hi Ethaine, Welcome and thanks for sharing. Sounds like you are well organized and moving ahead well. Its a scary trip if we let it be. Try to relax and enjoy the path. i know its easier said than done but trying helps. Good luck and keep us posted. Many of us are going through the same things. I've been full time now for 2 months and am still coming out to people as i run into them. hasn't been a problem and it has been better than i could of hoped for.

Hugs, Charlie

[Guest Edu]

After so much nerves, and even fear, building up to a point I'd almost freak out, there was no reason to be nervous.

I finally told my boss and the whole thing can be synthesized into this snippet:

Boss: "Will your identity affect the software you develop?"

Me: "Nope"

Boss: "Then you have nothing to worry about."

I think his understanding of the whole topic is rather swallow, but he's open-minded and respectful, which is enough for me.

And, while this may sound arrogant, I do think that me keeping that job is not just good for me, but really good for the company.

So, two "coming out successes" on a row, that's so encouraging I feel tempted, for moments, to come out to the entire office. But I'll stick to the plan, take one step at a time, and possibly wait until they ask something or I take so many steps that things become blatantly obvious (whatever happens first). In addition, I have an appointment with my therapist this Friday, so I will wait to see what she tells me about this coming out spree before taking the next step.

Also worth mentioning, while we were talking on his office he had the door open, and there were two workmates nearby, who might have heard everything. Anyway, now that I have confirmed that I won't have to face discrimination at work, I have no reason to hide anymore, so if they overheard the conversation that's less effort it will take to tell them

Regards,

Ethain

[JJ]

That is great news!

Glad to hear it-I can imagine what a relief it is

Johnny

[Guest Edu]

That is great news!

Glad to hear it-I can imagine what a relief it is

Johnny

Yay! It went exactly the way I expected it to go; but no matter how much confident I was, getting an explicit confirmation on the fact that discrimination won't be an issue in that office lifts a huge weight out of my shoulders

[Charlize]

Wonderful news, Keep to that plan it seems to be working for you really well.

Hugs, Charlie

[Guest angels wings]

Thanks for the update that's is awsome news Ethain great job .

Angel

[Guest MsPerseveres]

Congrats on the successes!

Hugs, Brenda