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Gender Fluid friend


Guest tmannick

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Guest tmannick

I know there are more than 2 genders, but I was raised with "him" and "her" I made a friend with a gender fluid person. They change their gender identity a lot. One day they're a male, another they're female, another they seem both, and another, they seem neither. I refer to them as a female when they feel female one day, and if they feel male, I refer to them as a male. Is that alright to do that, or is it disrespective? Also, when they are both male and female, should I either call them by another pronoun like "them" or should I interchange "her" and "him"? When they are Androgeny, should I refer to them as a "them" or use other pronouns? They are my first gender fluid friend, and i don't want to ask a lot of questions to them because I don't want to sound disrespecting.

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Hi Honey,

You need to ask your friend. I've known a fair number of GQ folks, and they have nearly all said "I don't care", or prefer the pronoun that matches their presentation. But, each has their own reasons, and know what works for them.

Gender neutral language isn't commonly used, but I've seen "ze" and "hir" used as pronouns as well...

Love, Megan

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Guest angels wings

Hello :) I think it won't be disrespectful to ask them what pronoun they would prefer you to use . It shows you care about them and don't want to make them feel uncomfortable . I personally would ask them that way you know what to call them and there would be no mixed feelings in between .

Angel :)

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  • Admin

In public, I would use the pronoun that matches their presentation, it will make you a little less visible. Still though, in private, ask and it shall be given.

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  • 3 weeks later...

I'm pretty new to the realization of being transgender, but as someone who identifies strongly with being gender fluid, just ask.

When I came out to my closest friend, I figured it would come up so I just told her before she asked: "Use whatever pronoun you like." I personally don't like 'ze' or 'hir' or similar constructs, but 'they', 'he', and 'she' are all fine for me and I've noticed her using whichever one fits how I'm feeling at the time.

But these are my preferences, not your friend's. Personally, I feel that worrying that these kinds of questions are disrespectful is something to get past. Asking is the best way to learn and understand how your friend identifies.

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