My Dad

[Guest Jenny_W]

I have this problem. I love my Dad dearly. That is not the problem.

I haven't told him yet that I am not his son. This may very well break his heart. At the start of this year I was in a very dark place and having regular suicidal thoughts. Two things prevented me from going through with it:

1. I did not want to make my Dad cry when he heard the news.

2. I did not want my daughter to grow up without me.

So, cutting a long story short, I am still here and I am very glad about that. Later in the year I told my Dad that I had been quite depressed and had seriously contemplated suicide - he cried. So, #1 was going to happen either way, but he was OK.

Now, I am faced with it all over again. I am trans and this I know. For. Sure. But he doesn't know it yet. It hurts everytime we talk and he asks "how are things going now that you're separated...?" and "so, what's new in your life?". I am dying inside not being able to tell him yet. I want to wait until I have the green light for HRT before I break the news to my parents.

I love my Dad to bits and we have a fantastic relationship. I am terrified that he won't know how to relate to me any more and our friendship will die. I know that I have no real way of knowing what his reaction will be - it may be a wonderful surprise for me. That is not what my brain is telling me.

I know he won't be angry. Confused, lost, upset - yes. I am a parent and if my child felt that she wasn't comfortable enough to tell me the most important thing in her life, then I would be gutted. This is the premise I am going to my Dad with.

Don't all parents just want their children to be happy and safe?

Jenny

[Guest MsGsptlsnz]

Speaking as a father of an 11 year old son who I love with all my heart, if he came to me and told me that he felt like he was a girl inside I wouldn't love him any less or be upset in any way. Mind you I dress in womens clothing so I'm not the best person for a comparison. I want him to be happy, healthy and successful. That doesn't mean he can't be wearing a dress while he does it. Yeah, I want grandchildren but I wouldn't freek out about it.

Fathers adapt better to changes in their children than mothers do. I'd tell him. He sounds like a reasonable guy who wont flip out about it.

[Guest]

Yes, all parents simply want their children to be happy.

No matter what.

Your father does sound like an understandable person and you both sound close to each other.

I would tell him.

Huggs,

Joann

[Guest Jenny_W]

Gather up all your positive energy and send it my way - I'm telling my Dad tomorrow. I can't wait until Christmas, it's making me miserable knowing that he has no idea of the significant things happening in my life.

Oh, and if you've got a box of Kleenex, send that too.

Jenny

[Guest Mia J]

Jenny lots of energy coming your way.

From what you have said it sounds like you dad loves you very much and is a sensitive man. It may be a shock for him but I think his love for you will be the most important thing and he will support you.

You are very lucky, I never saw my father shed a tear, even when my mom died.

Mia

[Carolyn Marie]

Jenny, I do wish you all the best, and hope that it works out as well as it possibly could. You were right in your first post; you can't predict how someone will react. But some things are very common. You can expect confusion, grief, guilt, disbelief, fear (for you and your future), and many questions. Don't despair if he doesn't immediately embrace the idea. It often takes time; days, weeks or even months, for parents to get their head around it.

It will help to reassure him that you are still the same person inside, and that this will make you happy and at peace with yourself, and that you are still his child and need his love now more than ever.

I think its wise to tell him before you begin HRT, and after you have talked with a G.T. and received some confirmation that you are trans. Good luck, hon.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Guest Jenny_W]

I told my Dad.

There was a very special thing that I was reminded about tonight by my Dad and step-Mum. Unconditonal love from a parent for their child. I always knew it was there, but it's so nice for it to be re-inforced.

As you will know if you've been reading my posts, I went tonight to tell my Dad and step-Mum about me being trans. It was uncomfortable at times, mainly for me, because I found it difficult to articulate what has been happening in my life this year. And what I got in return for my efforts was confirmation of their love for me and acceptance. Sure, it will take some time for the news to sink in but they were so warm towards me and they asked respectful questions. Fear wasn't written on their faces, a little surprise maybe, but certainly nothing negative.

I arrived at about 5:30pm and it was just my Dad, teen sister and me. We talked about all things general and then my step-Mum arrived home from work. Dinner followed shortly after and it took what seemed like an age for my sister to go off to bed. I was dying to start the conversation but it had to wait until it was just the three of us. Eventually, I could tell them the things that are so important to me right now. It was such a relief to tell them. Dad put down his cream pies, he listened intently and he spoke from the heart. I was so proud to see that side of him again. Words fail me.

Before we knew it, it was getting late and I had a puppy waiting for me at home. After several cups of tea, I got up to leave. My step-Mum and I hugged. Then I hugged my Dad - for the first time in quite a while. It was nice. Really nice.

I couldn't have asked for a kinder or more caring reaction to such all-encompassing news. I know they are both reading this, and I love you both. Thank you.

I am going to sleep well tonight.

Jenny

[Guest Robin Winter]

Awwwwww......I literally had tears in my eyes reading this, Jenny So happy for you.

[Carolyn Marie]

That's wonderful, Jenny. I'm so glad it turned out well for you all. You have wonderful parents, and they certainly deserved that hug. So did you.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Guest LizMarie]

You are greatly blessed, Jenny! Congratulations!

[Guest]

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!

Thanx for the update Jenny!

I'm so happy everything went well. You must feel much lighter now.

So onward with your journey one step at a time.

Huggs,

Joann

[Guest Mia J]

Thanks for the update.

I brought a lot of joy and happiness to me along with some tears.

I am very happy for you.

Mia