Still waiting...

[Guest Sunshine B]

As noted in previous topics, my partner's coming out letter to our parents was received on Thursday. Her parents responded that evening and were accepting and loving. My parents gave us no response.

It is now Saturday night and I couldn't wait anymore, so I called my mom. She said they had read the letter, but were still processing the information. She apologized for not calling earlier and said she felt bad about not calling but still needed time to process.

I get that this is not a negative response, but it sure isn't the response I hoped for especially given that I truly expected my parents to be accepting right away. I can't help but be disappointed. I am trying to be patient. It's just not what I expected.

Sunshine B.

[Guest]

Hi Sunshine,

I can understand your disappointment.

But, I do think they will be okay - the longer one thinks it over, the more chance that they'll have a decent conclusion. It's the quick knee-jerk responses that are the scary ones!

Hang in there, honey!

Love, Megan

[Guest angels wings]

I guess lovey they are trying to work out how this will affect you their daughter . They maybe have great fears and are trying to do some research and educate themselves a little more . Also maybe just one of your parents is struggling and the other is trying to smooth out the path . Parents take things differently and fear is the biggest set back . Hopefully they will be able to talk to you soon . (((((Hugs)))))))

Angel

[Carolyn Marie]

Your instincts are good, Sunshine. This is much better than a knee jerk "no way." We all hope for immediate acceptance and support, but that doesn't happen all that often. It's a shocking, confusing thing for most people, and many really have never given more than passing thought, usually when they hear of some celebrity coming out. When it's family, its a lot more confusing, and a lot more immediate.

Offer them some resources, if you like, but give them a reasonable amount of time. Tell them that you and your spouse are there to answer any and all questions. Best of luck to both of you.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Guest Sunshine B]

Thank you for your supportive responses. I truly hope that the time that they are taking to process things will eventually lead to a positive response. I guess this is where my Pollyanna views can lead to more intensified hurt and disappointment. I hope that I will be posting good news down the line, but i just can't believe that I was so wrong about their response. I was so hopeful and now I am just hurt and even more worried. I'm trying to put it out of my head by writing and by staying busy.

Sunshine B.

[Guest]

Hello Sunsine B.

Waiting is the hardest part.

A non response can be good, it's not a negative response.

We all want an imidiate answer to our communication.

We need to have patience with the recepient of our message.

They do have lives to live and are not "sitting by the phone" waiting for our call.

We have dealt with our issues our "whole life". This is completely new to most people we communicate our issues with.

They simply need time to "process" the received information.

I'm happy to hear that your staying busy. Stay occupied, you will receive a reply in time. I hope it's a favourable one.

This is all part of our journey. We can not rush it, as much as we would like to.

Huggs,

Joann

[Guest Robin Winter]

To my mind, the fact that they are processing instead of immediately reacting is a good thing. The fact that they are willing to give it consideration means at the very least they are taking it seriously.

[Guest Sunshine B]

Thank you for your responses and your support. I am trying to be patient and I am also focusing on the idea that there is not a negative reaction, only a non-reaction. I do appreciate the fact that they are taking their time rather than give an outright emotional response. I am just wondering how much time they might need. I know it's different for everybody.

It's interesting though that my dad continues to send me articles to my email (just general articles of things I might be interested in like he always does) and continues to "like" statuses on Facebook. I'll take this as a neutral/positive sign.

Sunshine B.

[Guest angels wings]

Hello lovey , been thinking of you . Have you heard any news from your parents ?

Angel

[Guest Sunshine B]

Good timing, Angel--I was planning to post the newest update today.

I spoke with my Dad on Wednesday. I had to ask directly but he said that he is accepting of both my partner and me. However, since I am his daughter, they are concerned with how my partner's transition will affect me. The questions they have are whether or not our marriage will be recognized legally, whether the church will recognize our marriage, what type of relationship we are in (lesbian, straight), etc. They want to set up a meeting with me and will involve my partner later. My mom is just as accepting even though I had to ask her directly as well. She said they are concerned about things that maybe we haven't thought about yet and that's why they want to have the meeting. My Dad did admit that he doesn't believe in gay marriage even though he believes that gays should have a lot of the rights ascribed to straight individuals. It will be interesting to see what this meeting is about. Sadly, it feels like a lot of our decisions will be "challenged". However, we have done enough research and soul-searching that i feel as if I can handle most of their questions. I recognize they just want the best for me, but it would be nice just to have their support as well.

I am grateful and relieved about the acceptance piece, however.

Sunshine B

[Guest angels wings]

Hello lovey . Well on the whole that is awesome news I'm glad that you got that response could have been worse . Also it's only natural for parents to worry . It's their daughter and they are scared of you been hurt . My mum had the same fears . She too sat me down and talked . It's fear of the unknown . No one knows all we can do is follow our hearts, and be true to ourselves and our partners . Wishing you all the best . Remember they are scared and that is a normal part of the process.

Hang in there Sunshine

Angel (((((( hugs))))))