Coming out to parents and work

[Guest Sunshine B]

So, for those of you who don't know, I am the Significant Other and my partner is TG--MTF. I found out at the end of July 2012 and we are staying together/married. January has been a big month for us with coming out.

The reason why I say "US" is because we are going through this entire process together. The coming out letter included sections written by both of us. On January 2nd, we mailed the letter to her parents and to my parents. Her parents responded right away, calling the very night they received the letter, and responded with love, acceptance, and encouragement. We didn't hear from my parents at all. :-(

To summarize, I had to call my parents in order to receive a response. While they were accepting and supportive, they were more concerned with me than they were with her. They hurt my feelings a bit and definitely hurt hers, especially when they wanted to set up a meeting with me and not her! We went through a lot of emotional ups and downs before that meeting. However, the meeting went pretty well. Essentially, they wanted to make sure i was happy, that i wasn't in denial, that she was properly diagnosed, and how i was coping. In a couple of weeks, there will be a family meeting (my parents LOVE family meetings) for my partner and I and my parents to ask more questions.

My partner had to confront her mom about having little to no contact following her supportive response. After that gentle confrontation, they have been able to have many good talks, with her mom asking good questions. So, things are moving along with the parents.

Coming out to my work went VERY WELL! They were very supportive and even said their level of respect for me increased due to our ability to cope with everything so far. (I told my work due to my partner's visits occasional and the name of my emergency contact changing eventually and because i would be taking time off to go to her appointments.

Her HRT appointment is coming up soon and she is encouraged by that.

The next step in the coming out process will be telling our siblings. We believe that our biological siblings will be supportive eventually, but are concerned about all the sister in laws and their views. We will find out how that goes. All of our predictions on how others will react have already been wrong, so maybe they'll be more accepting than we think.

It would take way too long to write out all of the details of the coming out process but there was a lot of fear, anxiety, sadness, tears, and anger throughout the entire process. However, at least with parents and with work, things currently seem to be positive. We're hoping for that to continue.

That's our current update. Thanks for all of your support. Sunshine B.

[Guest angels wings]

Hello Sunshine , great to hear from you again . It is hard and there are so many emotions when we tell loved ones about our partners condition . We never know how family will take things . You wonder though if we said it was cancer we have everyone's support . What I have done is educated them as much as I possibly could . Lack of knowledge brings fear and fear brings negative responses . I'm so glad things went well with both parents . My mum too was concerned about me more . She felt sad but really scared . I eased her fears . But it takes time . As we communicate with others we seem to go deeper into our own feelings . It's all a process . Wishing you all the best with your siblings .stay strong lovey

Angel

[Guest angels wings]

Thinkin of you sunshine , hope all is well

Angel (((((hugs)))))

[Guest Zeda]

I am glad things seem to be working out, Sunshine! My spouse's family act like they are walking on eggshells when they talk about me and are fairly concerned about my hubby's desire to transition. My mother was worried more for my marriage since I came out to family four days before our first anniversary and we are young.

[Guest Sarah Michelle]

I am happy to see things went pretty well for your coming out to both sets of parents. Please be patient with any of your family members that are hesitant to accept this at first. My brother said he was accepting of me but in truth he was very confused on how to react with me. He later confessed this to me saying he didn't know what to call me. I just let him know I am his sister now and to just call me by my new name. We have moved on and now I am his sister anytime he is talking about me to someone else.

I hope things continue to go well for you both.

[Guest LizMarie]

You are off to an excellent start, Sunshine. Keep doing what you two are doing, together!

My only advice is to be prepared for rejection somewhere along the way. If you're fortunate, that won't happen to either of you but being mentally prepared for it will help you if it comes.

I also found that having lots of acceptance makes the rejections much more bearable, for me at least.

I want to tell you that you are a very special, very amazing spouse. The number of spouses like you and Angel and others here is small and your partner is very fortunate to have someone as loving and committed as you. You are remarkable and please don't forget that!

I wish both of you continued success as the process unfolds!