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By awkward-yet-sweet · Posted
My husband. I was so very scared, because to have your wife suddenly "become" a boy could trigger all kinds of anti-gay stuff. Especially in the South, the perception of one's masculinity is really important. I worried that if my husband felt threatened or deceived, it could be the end of our relationship. Possibly the end of me being in the family. Thankfully, it was exactly the opposite. He's ok with me being myself, whatever that looks like. I discovered that he's really secure in his masculinity. I've found it interesting that displaying security and confidence in one's masculinity makes others believe it also! Like, the best way to be masculine is not to try too hard at it. The few times my identity has been an issue (like at lunch last weekend, if you read that topic) my husband creates an atmosphere which declares that he owns the room. I suppose if I had realized this earlier, I wouldn't have been so nervous. -
By awkward-yet-sweet · Posted
It seems like there's a blurry line between "passing successfully" and being "stealth." I mean, isn't it a good thing? And perhaps some of the negativity around the idea is from folks who are jealous that others are able to pass better than they do? For me, my goal is just to avoid notice. Even in my girl form, I didn't want to be seen as pretty or as being particularly good at anything. I slink from corner to corner, my style is drab, I'm often quiet, and I vanish pretty well. I prefer my androgynous appearance because it lets people assume all sorts of things. They believe what is easiest for their minds, and then forget me. It certainly isn't perfect, but seems to work most of the time because it doesn't challenge people. Not sure if that qualifies as stealth or not. If I am going to be seen for my real identity, I definitely feel the pressure to avoid the stereotypes that people will think of. When folks learn about my identity or that of my friends, what I most like to hear is that we aren't what they expected, that they're surprised we're different from general population around us. -
By Lydia_R · Posted
Well, I saw a tall transwoman in the store who might have been an online friend. I was shocked to see how tall she was! After the 30 second shock factor I was like, WOW! Probably because of my music experiences in high school and beyond, I've had a big enough ego to not care much of whether I passed as a male. I never adopted male behavior on purpose. I wasn't trying to be feminine, but certainly avoiding masculinity. What others saw I don't know. I focus on my career and say if I do well at work, the world will have something from me and my chances for monetary and other success are better than if I chase some non-physically productive thing. Music and my writing, even software engineering, is writing and easily stolen. Food clothing and shelter are physical gotta have them mostly, so people that get in those trades (the trades), are somewhat golden with ability to make money and move from place to place. Transition for me was not heavily focused on passing. It was freeing to realize my transfeminine core being. It put a spin on my life that I resonated with. Then finally, after a little coming out tensions, I was able to just get rid of the masculine clothing. It opened up style to me that I didn't focus on before. And I'm still growing better style. Little things. Pink shirt not looking good when I bought it. Should I trash/donate it? Is it so ugly that trash is reasonable? I bought it for a reason and it feels good. Like the shape. Been experimenting and now it's been working for several days. Found combinations with my other clothing. So, I essentially have the same ego but now feminized. Work is intense. I say to myself that my feminine part is what I go home to, my personal life, and then I go to work as myself. It's not my work. I got rid of my male clothing years ago. Work is so intense with a male edge it is very disturbing. It's my work though and I love it. Could have a boyfriend if that is romantically possible. Would love to just be womanly taken care of. My fantasies are more of that nature than a sexual nature. Ideas that guys, well, likely a lot of guys operate on a much different level than I did. Masculine behavior mostly was a mystery to me and now I have this fantasy about a Gen Y musician who I find attractive! And then there are some lovely women of all ages and types around. I don't know. I'm a muse romantic, so it's kinda a job on that level! Sports people just get the football and put up a hoop. We've got these mixing boards, headphones, speakers, haul the axe around. Learning to sleep with my bass! Why didn't I do that before? It never crossed my mind. It's like hanging on to my man. Whisper in his ear "Would you take me to knitting group tomorrow? Then stop for ice cream on the way home?" "Will you take care of it so I don't have to worry about my bass getting rusty on the strings? I know you like to cook, I'd love it if you would do that. I miss it a little, but just want to clean a little and work on my style and play some fun music. And code software of course! I'm an an engineer. You are going out to work, right? I'll just order that thing you want and be hear when it comes. I'll work with it and see if it is a keeper." -
By AinsleyTG · Posted
Mom got me a kitten this weekend. The first night she hid from us, but then she was ready to play by lunch Sunday. She realized humans are good Sunday night when she discovered sleeping in a bed with me. She's so tiny I had to put a stool beside my bed so she can get up and down. I named her after my favorite cartoon princess, Jasmine. So far I've had to rearrange my room so she can't chew on anything, she seems to like boots specifically, probably because she can fit inside them lol. It's hilarious watching Michael treat her like a human baby, I thought guys hated cats. But he helped me get the claw covers over her little razor blades. She got into an argument with her stuffed mouse toy earlier, I've never seen a kitten argue with a stuffed animal. It's hilarious to watch 🤣. My only concern.. is that my toes will become a chew toy at bed time 🤣 -
By VickySGV · Posted
That is going to actually be comical if they try that one on a resident of a state who is completely fine with gender affirmation, and in fact finds that failure to provide that care is child neglect. The Arkansas plaintiff would have to apply for it to be enforced by courts of the defendants / debtor's state, and while Sister State Judgments where the laws of the state are the same in effect are generally implemented without much trouble, in this case the defendants state will tell the Arkansas court to go wash their judicial robes in a toilet sink. If you cannot enforce a judgment it is not worth your time to file it, or think about it. -
By Sally Stone · Posted
Me too, Rachel, but just like you I have accepted the fact that isn't going to happen. I found my happy place when I let go of the desire to "pass." Your view on the subject is a healthy one; know what you can change and accept what you can't. I think we all need that reminder now and again, so thanks. -
By Sally Stone · Posted
You may be up early, it may be due to morning brain, but "ugly trans woman" absolutely not! MaeBe, you are as cute as cute can be. Quit selling yourself short. But, the notion of "beauty" applies to this conversation, because the typical feminine beauty standard is the standard we are being held to, and it was flawed and unrealistic when it was only being applied to cis women. -
By Rachel Searching · Posted
Hi, I'm tall, 6'5", so unless I ended up passing perfectly, there is no way I'm passing ever, I've looked at the percentage of women who are this tall and the figure is miniscule. I haven't come out publicly yet, aside to my wife, the reason being my concern for my parents emotional welfare. I've accepted that I'll never pass in a million years, which is kind of liberating, it allows me to forsee a future in which I only have to look good enough for me and not worry about passing for the world. Of course I know that being this tall and not passing will attract ridicule from some and that's fine, I was 6' at 11 years old, so was bullied then too 🤣 Seriously though, for me make up is essential as I am not androgynous at all. I do what I can through exercise, variations on squats and ab exercises to try and build mass around my hips, bottom and legs, slim my waist and do body weight push ups for my pecs. I also have an IPL which I'm currently using to slow and hopefully halt body hair growth and hope to get electrolysis at some stage. These are small things but help me in my dysphoria. I kind of try to look at things positively , in that my body is far from a blank canvas with which to mould a feminine body, however it's the body I've got and have to work with it, my only saving grace being that I have relatively large hips and round bottom for a male body. Passing would be great and I would be lying if I said I wouldn't love to, however it's never going to happen, so I take the sentiments of the serenity prayer and apply it to my transition, knowing what I can change and accepting what I can't. 😊 -
By Sally Stone · Posted
Coleen, don't feel bad. Doing makeup is really hard. There's an additional challenge when trying to mask masculine facial characteristics. Practice, lots of it, is the key. -
By rhonda74 · Posted
I came out my sister, although my parents already questioned about the gender marker on my birth certificate. -
By Ivy · Posted
This is kinda my situation as well. I've been pretty open about who I am. And yes, a lot of people don't understand, but mind their own business. As for the others? I guess I'll find out. -
By Ivy · Posted
This is mostly true for me. There were a couple of incidences, but they didn't amount to much. -
By Ivy · Posted
https://www.erininthemorning.com/p/arkansas-bill-would-make-contributing?utm_source=post-email-title&publication_id=994764&post_id=159265712&utm_campaign=email-post-title&isFreemail=true&r=k5hac&triedRedirect=true&utm_medium=email " The bill allows parents to sue anyone who affirms a child’s gender identity, defining social transition broadly as “any act by which a minor adopts or espouses a gender identity that differs from the minor’s biological sex… including without limitation changes in clothing, pronouns, hairstyle, and name.”" They talk about "irreversible changes", how is changing your clothes irreversible? "But the bill goes even further: it asserts extraterritorial jurisdiction, meaning lawsuits could be brought against people outside of Arkansas if they are deemed to have helped a transgender child transition. The penalties are staggering—minimum damages of $10,000 per defendant, with punitive damages reaching up to $10 million for those involved in medical care." -
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By Lilis · Posted
I am of the same opinion, blaming the victims instead of focusing on the actual source of oppression for example (anti-trans policies and the people pushing them) is of no use. I get it, some people and even some in the trans community are implying that certain trans people, specifically those who are visibly non-conforming, non-binary are responsible for the backlash. Which is also untrue and of no use. Not at all, transphobia has no place in our community.
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