"It's a bigger decision than we can grasp at the time we make it."

[VickySGV]

the very real mental and emotional componet of SRS . that she didn't see before she got it. She is sure it is not depression or regret. but something she could not quiet put her finger on just yet.

This is the very core of what I was thinking when I began this thread. I have never once felt it as depression or regret but it is a feeling of longing that goes both forward and backward, and its a new feeling of the present, it is both grief and celebration rolled up, and tears are the best expression, the hot and the cold. It will come back from time to time and we need to accept it. It is so wonderful to hear about her progress too.

[Guest Maria_B]

I know this may sound a bit simple, but whenever I am sick with a cold or a flu, my body just feels sad. Now if my body was busy healing after a major surgery, I'd imagine it'd have a lot of the sad feeling. I mean, healing is draining on many levels.

[Guest GinaInside]

Vicky, and other ladies who have had SRS are very couragous.

When I was young, I was desperate for SRS, it did seem The Holy Grail to me. But, I stumbled along and gave up Transiton. Until the mid 1990's.

Then I joined a TS support group. A couple of the TS's were post-op, and were bitter. One of them was almost rather elitist about it-if you were'nt a post-op TS like her, you were just a TV.

About 6 years ago, I was going to an online forum called "Trannyweb", which is now called "Gender Society". I made contact with TS's from all over the world. One TS, from Ukraine went to Thailand for her sugery, a week later, she sent me a PM, telling me she was about to commit suicide; I desperately tried to contact someone through the website to get help, because I did'nt know what else to do, and never heard from her again, nor if anyone at the site did anything to help her.

I used to look up to Renee Richards when I was younger, and wanted to be like her. In an recent interview, she said she wished she had not had the surgery, which kind of shocked me.

I have read many stories, both good and bad. Now, the idea of SRS is somewhat frightening to me, not just the sugery, but needing pharma grade hormones to live, and having to dilate the rest of my life. And, like one of my former friends said to me: "If you get your sugery, it will still be just a tease."

Those things, and many others give me pause. Aside from that, I've already had 9 surgeries, and about the only sugeries I could personally justify would be FFS procedures. That would allow me to blend in, and live, which is all I need.

There is one other thing, I never considered, but read in a TS's post somewhere, wish I had saved it, and this is something that most TS's would not even consider, but it deeply concerns me. Your Root Chakra is in your genital area. I do not know if SRS would damage the Root Chakra, or not, but the TS who pointed that out may have a valid point. Most people disregard the body's Chakras as New Age fluff, but, your Chakras are very real. If you have not studied the Chakras, I would implore you to do so.

Those of you who have had SRS have my deepest respect. I will go back on hormones, and make minimal alterations, but will have to wait for the right body in the next lifetime.

Hugz,

Gina

[Guest Leah1026]

Then I joined a TS support group. A couple of the TS's were post-op, and were bitter.

Well you have to remember how extremely difficult life was for transsexual people in the 70's, 80's and early 90's. I'm sure that was the cause of most of that bitterness. And truth be told some people that transition today end up bitter for similar reasons.

I used to look up to Renee Richards when I was younger, and wanted to be like her. In an recent interview, she said she wished she had not had the surgery, which kind of shocked me.

Again, remember she transition in the late 60's and early 70's. Not only that she underwent INTENSE media scrutiny when her status became known while playing competitve tennis. For many years Renee was bitter. However, I recently saw her on a show about young transitioners (maybe it was Katie Couric's show) and she looked like a new person. She was amazed by how much the world had changed in the last decade and how children today are getting treatment. I truly believe she's turned over a new leaf.

I have read many stories, both good and bad. Now, the idea of SRS is somewhat frightening to me, not just the surgery, but needing pharma grade hormones to live, and having to dilate the rest of my life. And, like one of my former friends said to me: "If you get your sugery, it will still be just a tease."

Well most pre-ops are on hormones for life also, so I don't get that complaint. And HRT, at least for most folks, makes them FEEL better.

Dilating can be a bit of a chore, but after so many years it's just part of my routine now. I dilate 2 or 3 times a week and it's not really a big deal.

A tease? I don't agree and even if I did that's better than having dangly bits that would taunt me every day. I'm happy with my vulva

Your Root Chakra is in your genital area. I do not know if SRS would damage the Root Chakra, or not, but the TS who pointed that out may have a valid point.

That will come as news to all the post-op women who have very satisfying sex lives.

In the end you must do what's right for you.

[Guest Melissa~]

Leah thanks for the update on Renee, I had not caught that she was at peace with herself again. I was going to point out a case of regret from a local named Danielle Bunten. It can be found here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Danielle_Bunten_Berry

My interest in retro gaming ran eventually put me in contact with another forum member that pointed her case out. It appears that she had a tough time in transition even into the nineties without flat out stating for people not to do it.

[VickySGV]

I had to take a few days to get myself familiar with what a Chakra, and especially a Root Chakra was. My understanding is that it is a nerve energy center that is associated with the genital area in several eastern cultures and philosophies. My problem is that it is a philosophical center and not necessarily one that appears in western culture medical books on physiology. I have experience with the physiology, but not the philosophy.

Knowing that, I can simply say that the human body has marvelous powers of recovery and adaptation, some of my nerve action is still not connected properly between genital area and brain. I am having to re-learn that a certain sensation means a new place. It does change from day to day, and at nine weeks it is an adventure in progress and only slightly boring at times by now rather than painful as it started out. Dilating is a discipline of the day just as other disciplines are. I do not see it as a burden, just a part of my life from here on out, and no more important than keeping my blood sugar in check, and my blood pressure controlled.

I already take medications on a daily basis for a number of things so that issue does not overwhelm me. I will be taking those meds for the rest of my life anyway, and they make my life healthier and more liveable to boot. Taking medications properly is not a sign of weakness or disability in my mind. It is actually a victory over disability or mental issues that are equally disabling. While not proud of any inabilities that I have, I am not ashamed ot them either. They are and I am!!

SRS does not cure everything that was wrong with you, and the opposite of Gender Dysphoria is not Gender Euphoria, it is much more subtle and commonplace. It is this that I think causes a good deal of regret in some people. The lack of euphoria has hit me already from time to time and it is a feeling of emptiness of the place in my life that dysphoria occupied. The place however is not empty, which would I think lead to a feeling of depression, but it is tepid and calm and does not announce itself with great force. I admit I was not ready for that sensation. I also have a minor regret when I think that SRS would make me SPECIAL as I have seen the older pioneers to be, and now that they have done all that work, I do not see myself taking their place in life. I will not be a legend for our cause as many of them have been. I also know they were in many ways unwilling legends and that too is setting in. In my pre-op days I imagined my post op life to be something OTHER than ordinary, and perhaps some of the others who regret surgery do it for that reason. Hopefully I will not get there.

Where would the Titanic be in history if it had made all of its crossings of the Atlantic Ocean successfully??

[Cyndee]

This was refreshing to read this morning Vicky and all. Thanks for this reality check, as I go through the mental thought processes. Social role transition essentially completed, that has been a long complicated process in it's self. Now my time I feel is approaching for surgery. For me I really did not care too much about the genitals one way or another, it's just more of an embarrassment in it's current form. The more time I live as myself, the more the decision to have surgery makes sense for me (did you see that ME). It's a very personal decision that most folks really don't care one way or another about.

C -

[KathrynJulia]

One of the best parts of this trip of one month in Thailand is time to quietly reflect the change that SRS has brought me. I don't feel great euphoria or anything like that. What I feel is calm and looking forward to the rest of my life. I've accomplished my major goals in life and now I just want to sit back and learn to appreciate the many blessings in my life.

The anger, anxiety, frustrations, and depressions are gone now. I'm really ready to just look forward to what ever tomorrow brings. I head home tomorrow. Home to the rest of my life. Kathy

[Guest LizMarie]

That's a wonderful attitude to have, Kathryn! Good luck with the long flight home!

[Guest N. Jane]

When I had surgery 40+ years ago it was totally and completely for me. It cost me everything I had - money, friends, security - and with SRS I was able to get all my documents changed. That meant I no longer had to live as a freak, someone not completely male nor completely female - I could just be ME. I hated my body as it was and I wasn't going to last much longer without surgery.

Nothing changed after SRS, excepting being free to be myself and being accepted by those around me as ":normal". That was enough. The last 40 years haven't been all sunshine and roses but never once did I ever regret surgery, not for a moment.