Thoughts as a transsexual

[Guest JazzySmurf]

Hi all you wonderful people here :-)

I found that, by writing these thoughts down, I have organized my thoughts, and encouraged myself to be a more fulfilled human being. Do you want to share your thoughts here, too? Here are mine so far:

(*) I am transsexual: wow :-) I never thought, as I was growing up, "I'm going to be a transsexual!" It is just a part of my life, and my experience. What an experience it has been :-) It has its wonders, its challenges, its rewards, and so much more. If I were to be reborn this moment, I would be happy to come back as a transsexual.

(*) My body: For large parts of my life, this body of mine felt foreign. When I digest food, I think, "what is going on here???" or when I get tired, "why is this arm not moving upwards??" However, this body of mine... is my body :-) I shall live in my body for the rest of my life, and I shall be happy to be here. My body, with all of its nuances, wonders, and surprises, is one that I will cherish, at every moment that I am here.

More coming, and hopefully some from you :-)

[Guest Gypsyfeenix]

I never thought, as I was growing up, "I'm going to be a transsexual!"

I always thought I was going to be a forensic pathologist/musician/astronaut/international assassin.

[JJ]

My body and I have been at odds too long now to ever be good friends but we get along better now than we ever have before. If I could transfer my consciousness into a strong healthy natal male body I'd do it in a heartbeat. If I had to lose who I am -my experiences and the awareness of what a gift that body would be I wouldn't do it.

But now Ive devoted about as long as I'm willing to thinking about the impossible. Wishing just won't make any difference in how things are but I have found can make me really miserable with how things are if I let it go on too long.

That old Serenity Prayer has so much wisdom and I think I'll follow that and work on accepting what I can't change while changing what I can. One gift of age is evaluating what you spend your time on in your life.

Johnny

[Guest Sarah Faith]

I never thought, as I was growing up, "I'm going to be a transsexual!"

I always thought I was going to be a forensic pathologist/musician/astronaut/international assassin.

That's awesome gypsy, International assassin sounds exotic and exciting!

Sam, my feelings on being Transsexual is that I view it as more of a condition then a identity. It's just something I've had to deal with my entire life and now I'm treating it. My view towards it is pretty cold and clinical, but that is just because as far as I'm concerned I'm just a woman who was born with a defect nothing more or less.

Though being in this situation does have its benefits along with the myriad of awful problems.. I feel as though that through the suffering I have endured I have had to come to know my self better than many people ever do in a life time. I feel like I know exactly what I want out of life, and now its just a matter of making it a reality.

I feel like it has made me a stronger person I than I ever could have been otherwise, and its the source of the emotional strength that many of my friends are able to lean on when they are troubled. So even though I don't really view it as my identity, I suppose who I am today is in large part because of it. I honestly can not imagine who I would be if I hadn't been born in this situation.

[Guest JazzySmurf]

I never thought, as I was growing up, "I'm going to be a transsexual!"

I always thought I was going to be a forensic pathologist/musician/astronaut/international assassin.

I wanted to be a violinist :-) Their music is so pretty!

[Charlize]

I am glad to be me and am not upset by either the past or future. Both are of interest but i'm here and now. It just happens that i am a trans person. I've been given this body and although i can try to make it or at least express it differently it is a good body and a good mind. I must accept it as i can.

Hugs,

Charlie

[Guest JazzySmurf]

My body and I have been at odds too long now to ever be good friends but we get along better now than we ever have before. If I could transfer my consciousness into a strong healthy natal male body I'd do it in a heartbeat. If I had to lose who I am -my experiences and the awareness of what a gift that body would be I wouldn't do it.

But now Ive devoted about as long as I'm willing to thinking about the impossible. Wishing just won't make any difference in how things are but I have found can make me really miserable with how things are if I let it go on too long.

That old Serenity Prayer has so much wisdom and I think I'll follow that and work on accepting what I can't change while changing what I can. One gift of age is evaluating what you spend your time on in your life.

Johnny

Thank you so much for just being who you are :-)

[Guest JazzySmurf]

Sam, my feelings on being Transsexual is that I view it as more of a condition then a identity. It's just something I've had to deal with my entire life and now I'm treating it. My view towards it is pretty cold and clinical, but that is just because as far as I'm concerned I'm just a woman who was born with a defect nothing more or less.

Though being in this situation does have its benefits along with the myriad of awful problems.. I feel as though that through the suffering I have endured I have had to come to know my self better than many people ever do in a life time. I feel like I know exactly what I want out of life, and now its just a matter of making it a reality.

I feel like it has made me a stronger person I than I ever could have been otherwise, and its the source of the emotional strength that many of my friends are able to lean on when they are troubled. So even though I don't really view it as my identity, I suppose who I am today is in large part because of it. I honestly can not imagine who I would be if I hadn't been born in this situation.

Sarah :-) May you continue growing stronger!!

[Guest JazzySmurf]

I am glad to be me and am not upset by either the past or future. Both are of interest but i'm here and now. It just happens that i am a trans person. I've been given this body and although i can try to make it or at least express it differently it is a good body and a good mind. I must accept it as i can.

Hugs,

Charlie

Charlie :-) I am happy that you are yourself. :-)

[Guest KimberlyF]

I don't see being TS as a particularly positive thing. It's a part of me and I'm dealing.

I don't live w/regret because I've seen enough Sci-fi time travel movies w/the butterfly effect, and I love my wife and kids.

I am now a bit more able to sneak up to my body in the mirror. It took me half a life to get that this was it and if I did transition or anything I did it would be in this body that I have ignored for decades.

[Guest Kylie2112]

I never wanted to be trans. I don't really want to be trans. However, it's pretty much the only way to get from where I was to where I want to be. Kinda like the stinky bus trip that takes you from some god forsaken wasteland to the land of milk and honey (or, at the very least, root beer and pizza).

Then again, who knows what I'd be doing or where I'd be if I were born female. Maybe I'd have treated myself a little bit better in high school and college (rather than indulge in a bit of Kummerspeck). Life is certainly better than it was at this point last year.

(Oh yeah, Kummerspeck = "grief bacon" [eating as a means of coping with stress or sadness...http://www.cracked.com/article_19695_9-foreign-words-english-language-desperately-needs.html])

[Guest JazzySmurf]

I don't see being TS as a particularly positive thing. It's a part of me and I'm dealing.

I don't live w/regret because I've seen enough Sci-fi time travel movies w/the butterfly effect, and I love my wife and kids.

I am now a bit more able to sneak up to my body in the mirror. It took me half a life to get that this was it and if I did transition or anything I did it would be in this body that I have ignored for decades.

Kimberly, good on you for not living with regrets :-D

[Guest JazzySmurf]

I never wanted to be trans. I don't really want to be trans. However, it's pretty much the only way to get from where I was to where I want to be. Kinda like the stinky bus trip that takes you from some god forsaken wasteland to the land of milk and honey (or, at the very least, root beer and pizza).

Then again, who knows what I'd be doing or where I'd be if I were born female. Maybe I'd have treated myself a little bit better in high school and college (rather than indulge in a bit of Kummerspeck). Life is certainly better than it was at this point last year.

(Oh yeah, Kummerspeck = "grief bacon" [eating as a means of coping with stress or sadness...http://www.cracked.com/article_19695_9-foreign-words-english-language-desperately-needs.html])

May your life be even better in this upcoming year :-) By the way, I started HRT and full-time at about the same time, ahhhhh..... can be we sisters in transition? :-)

[Guest Sarah Faith]

Kylie I don't think any one would really choose to be transgender if we had a choice when we were born. It's just the way our hands were dealt, it's not being Transgender that defines us it's how we deal with it and live our lives that define us. I think most of the guys and girls on this forum carry the burden very well.

[Guest JazzySmurf]

Hi Sarah, I am going to disagree a bit; and I'm sorry for undermining your statement (but thank you so much for sharing :-) )... I cannot honestly say that, if given the choice when I was born again, to be transgender... but I will honestly say that I am not ruling that out

[Guest Sarah Faith]

Hi Sarah, I am going to disagree a bit; and I'm sorry for undermining your statement (but thank you so much for sharing :-) )... I cannot honestly say that, if given the choice when I was born again, to be transgender... but I will honestly say that I am not ruling that out

That's actually what I said I think? Though I'm a little confused now! lol I was saying that if we were given the choice, I don't think any of us would have chosen it from the beginning. I'm pretty sure we were making the same point.

Like I said though... confused. LOL sorry

[Guest Jo-88]

I never thought, as I was growing up, "I'm going to be a transsexual!"

I always thought I was going to be a forensic pathologist/musician/astronaut/international assassin.

I wanted to be a violinist :-) Their music is so pretty!

I wanted to be a dinosaur!

[Guest Sarah Faith]

I never thought, as I was growing up, "I'm going to be a transsexual!"

I always thought I was going to be a forensic pathologist/musician/astronaut/international assassin.

I wanted to be a violinist :-) Their music is so pretty!

I wanted to be a dinosaur!

That's so cute! I was such a geek as a Kid, I wanted to be Dax (the first one not the second one) on Startrek DS9 lol. I actually met the actress once, and she was so awesome to talk to.

[Guest Jo-88]

Lol sometimes I get the odd urge to just go RAWR!!!

I love star trek btw, next generation was my fav. I can see why you would have liked Dax though, how cool would that be to be able to switch bodies... awesome

[Guest Sarah Faith]

Exactly!

I remember the first Trill Character introduced in TNG, started the episode male, ended the episode female.. Yep I was so jealous... LOL

[Guest JazzySmurf]

Hi Sarah, I am going to disagree a bit; and I'm sorry for undermining your statement (but thank you so much for sharing :-) )... I cannot honestly say that, if given the choice when I was born again, to be transgender... but I will honestly say that I am not ruling that out

That's actually what I said I think? Though I'm a little confused now! lol I was saying that if we were given the choice, I don't think any of us would have chosen it from the beginning. I'm pretty sure we were making the same point.

Like I said though... confused. LOL sorry

Hi Sarah :-) I'm really sorry for confusing you!! I wasn't sure if I was interpreting the thrust of your original statement correctly... can I try again?

It's a bit like homeroom in school... I don't really mind which seat I end up being in, it all seems like a exciting, new experience waiting for me :-) I wouldn't pick either of transsexuality or non-transsexuality over the other, they seem equally fine to me :-) Like, um, I don't see transsexuality as bad, at all.

Maybe it's just me being ooper-dooper-sanguine? At my old apartment, I enjoyed the coziness/home-like feeling, the honesty of the residence, and appreciating my education in ear plugs/soundproofing... my boyfriend later pointed out that it was cramped, no AC/heating, and the downstairs neighbor blasted music at odd hours of the day. Err wow, that does sound weird. It's alright though :-)

I never thought, as I was growing up, "I'm going to be a transsexual!"

I always thought I was going to be a forensic pathologist/musician/astronaut/international assassin.

I wanted to be a violinist :-) Their music is so pretty!

I wanted to be a dinosaur!

That's so cute! I was such a geek as a Kid, I wanted to be Dax (the first one not the second one) on Startrek DS9 lol. I actually met the actress once, and she was so awesome to talk to.

Can I just be the Pink Power Ranger??

[Guest JazzySmurf]

ermm... yeah, you're right, that is basically what you said, isn't it? lol :-) Trying to type up a paper and reading Laura's playground at the same time can be kind of a funny experience...

[Guest Sarah Faith]

Hehe no worries Sam! Hope your doing well with your paper though!

[Guest sophia.gentry58]

You may be right Sarah that no one chooses to be transgender, but it is a scientific fact that all Matter cannot be destroyed. Matter can change but it cannot be destroyed, therefore who we are is not at all who we see in the mirror from day to day. It also means that since Matter cannot be destroyed then is it not possible that our being here at this time is not happenstance, but may be of our own choosing. You say that no one chooses to be transgender, but I ask you what if we, somewhere, before our present existence decided that we would come into this world to remind the "perfect humans" that our sameness doesn't move us toward perfection, but it is our difference which does. So we have a world full of differences, tall, short, black, white, big, small, ad infinitum. Maybe we didn't choose the kind of existence we presently have, but I often think that if it were not for my ancestors going through what they went through I would not be here today with even the slightest possibility of transitioning; Margaret Sanger (among countless others) would have seen to that. We are who we are because someone has to pave the way for those to follow behind us.

Sophia

[Guest Sarah Faith]

You may be right Sarah that no one chooses to be transgender, but it is a scientific fact that all Matter cannot be destroyed. Matter can change but it cannot be destroyed, therefore who we are is not at all who we see in the mirror from day to day. It also means that since Matter cannot be destroyed then is it not possible that our being here at this time is not happenstance, but may be of our own choosing. You say that no one chooses to be transgender, but I ask you what if we, somewhere, before our present existence decided that we would come into this world to remind the "perfect humans" that our sameness doesn't move us toward perfection, but it is our difference which does. So we have a world full of differences, tall, short, black, white, big, small, ad infinitum. Maybe we didn't choose the kind of existence we presently have, but I often think that if it were not for my ancestors going through what they went through I would not be here today with even the slightest possibility of transitioning; Margaret Sanger (among countless others) would have seen to that. We are who we are because someone has to pave the way for those to follow behind us.

Sophia

I don't necessarily hate that I am Transgender, but I don't think if I had the option it would be something that I would choose. I don't feel ashamed about what I am, but I don't really feel proud over it either. Being transgender for me is little more than a birth defect, a condition that needs to be cured and nothing more. It's part of who I am and yet I don't see it as the sole basis of my identity. Being Transgender is something I've had to deal with for as long as I remember and functioning as such has always been incredibly difficult. It really hasn't been until I started living as female full time that I started feeling anything close to a sense of peace. Even still I have days where I just want to curl up in my bed and cry wishing that I was normal.

The things that I am doing I am doing for me, I can't say that I'm doing it for future generations of transgender kids and people. I am not a trailblazer by any means and I'm not at all active in the transgender community beyond Laura's Playground, I don't even like going to support groups. You will never likely see me become a banner barer for the transgender community unless I have to do so for my own survival or that of someone I care about. Maybe that is a selfish view on this matter but I feel so worn down by my life experiences as a transgender person as it is, I don't have the energy or the motivation to think about how my actions may effect people 30-50 years down the road.

So in no way do I feel being trans is some kind of badge of honor to wear proudly for all to see, it's just an affliction that I have to deal with and overcome. I get upset with the way some treat trans people not because I want to be politically active, but simply because I feel like trans people have been through enough crap, that we don't need some ignorant fool trying to change or use laws to make our existences any harder then they already are.

This may come off as incredibly negative, and I don't mean for it too. I am very happy with the direction that my life is going, and I am more than happy to share anything Ive learned with people just starting their way down this path. But as far as I am concerned I'm just a girl being treated for a birth defect.