Thoughts as a transsexual

[Guest Jaques]

Now ive gone as far as im going, i pass etc, i dont often have thoughts on being trans. More thoughts on just getting on with my life, like anyone else, being with family and friends, doing normal stuff - like many trans people, ive been through a lot along the way, not so easy nor so bad as others and now i dont feel i need to focus on the trans thing anymore - though possibly do subconsciously, like checking my package to see if its discrete or looking right - but then many bio guys do that - same goes, i suppose for you ladies - you check your boobs - just like any other woman trans or otherwise.............so my thoughts are really just about what im goin to do in the garden, what im having for dinner, nothing too exciting, lol!

[Guest Kaylee234]

Sarah, you pretty much hit the nail on the head there.

~ Kay

[Guest sophia.gentry58]

You may be right Sarah that no one chooses to be transgender, but it is a scientific fact that all Matter cannot be destroyed. Matter can change but it cannot be destroyed, therefore who we are is not at all who we see in the mirror from day to day. It also means that since Matter cannot be destroyed then is it not possible that our being here at this time is not happenstance, but may be of our own choosing. You say that no one chooses to be transgender, but I ask you what if we, somewhere, before our present existence decided that we would come into this world to remind the "perfect humans" that our sameness doesn't move us toward perfection, but it is our difference which does. So we have a world full of differences, tall, short, black, white, big, small, ad infinitum. Maybe we didn't choose the kind of existence we presently have, but I often think that if it were not for my ancestors going through what they went through I would not be here today with even the slightest possibility of transitioning; Margaret Sanger (among countless others) would have seen to that. We are who we are because someone has to pave the way for those to follow behind us.

Sophia

I don't necessarily hate that I am Transgender, but I don't think if I had the option it would be something that I would choose. I don't feel ashamed about what I am, but I don't really feel proud over it either. Being transgender for me is little more than a birth defect, a condition that needs to be cured and nothing more. It's part of who I am and yet I don't see it as the sole basis of my identity. Being Transgender is something I've had to deal with for as long as I remember and functioning as such has always been incredibly difficult. It really hasn't been until I started living as female full time that I started feeling anything close to a sense of peace. Even still I have days where I just want to curl up in my bed and cry wishing that I was normal.

The things that I am doing I am doing for me, I can't say that I'm doing it for future generations of transgender kids and people. I am not a trailblazer by any means and I'm not at all active in the transgender community beyond Laura's Playground, I don't even like going to support groups. You will never likely see me become a banner barer for the transgender community unless I have to do so for my own survival or that of someone I care about. Maybe that is a selfish view on this matter but I feel so worn down by my life experiences as a transgender person as it is, I don't have the energy or the motivation to think about how my actions may effect people 30-50 years down the road.

So in no way do I feel being trans is some kind of badge of honor to wear proudly for all to see, it's just an affliction that I have to deal with and overcome. I get upset with the way some treat trans people not because I want to be politically active, but simply because I feel like trans people have been through enough crap, that we don't need some ignorant fool trying to change or use laws to make our existences any harder then they already are.

This may come off as incredibly negative, and I don't mean for it too. I am very happy with the direction that my life is going, and I am more than happy to share anything Ive learned with people just starting their way down this path. But as far as I am concerned I'm just a girl being treated for a birth defect.

I understand you perfectly Sarah, but do know that "I am to you as you are to me as I am to you". Regardless of how little involved we we want to be in the trans world we will have an effect on others around us, directly or indirectly.

Sophia