really don't know what to do.

[Guest JeepGirl90]

I hope I posted this in the right place:

my wife and I separated back in November, however we originally planed to stay living in the same house to raise our kids. However, things have not been, well easy between us, We have had some vicious fights over the last few months, and I realize that it stems from me transitioning. However I have received a lot of hostility from her which in turn has created a not so friendly environment in the home. It seems the closer I get to be myself, the more she deteriorates. Believe me I feel horrible over it and it constantly makes me feel depressed over this whole situation. Which in turn turns on a lot of other negative feelings I have towards myself. I found myself apologizing for the pain I have caused her. However I'm really in a no win situation. the only options I have at this point is to grin and bear it, or to leave our home, however my daughter is very much attached to me and my children really mean the world to me. For me not transitioning is not a choice, its something I have to do. I just wish that my quest for happiness didn't have to cost her hers. At this point I really don't know what to do.

Thank You

Christina

[Guest angels wings]

Christina lovey I'm sorry it's been so hard for you (((((((hugs)))))) it s hard for a couple to get through this . Her heart is hurting and time can heal but she needs to work with you and you with her . It seems the fights are because the closer you get the more fear and anger she has . It takes time . I hope and pray your wife begins to heal and moves forward so you both can be happy .has she considered going to a therapist who can help through the stages ? Hang in there lovey .

Angel ((((((hugs)))))

[Carolyn Marie]

Christina, sorry if I don't recall the details of your relationship issues, but I have a couple of questions.

First, have you and your S/O gone to see your G.T. together recently, or at all? if not, perhaps that would help, as your therapist could offer solutions or compromises that might work for both of you.

Second, have you considered different options for your transition timeline? Are you already going as slow as you can manage, or can you delay certain things to make it a little easier for her?

Third, is there any possibility of doing a less-than-complete transition, at least for a time? I know someone close to me who has found a middle ground involving frequent outings en femme, even going on out of town trips and to the theater. This friend hasn't found it necessary to start HRT, and may never have to, and that has kept their relationship going strong.

I'm not suggesting you should do any of the things I've mentioned, because everyone is different and I don't know your situation. I'm just putting ideas out there that perhaps you haven't thought about. I wish you luck.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[VickySGV]

At the very least, look into the possibility of family counseling that involves your wife and children. The most terrible thing that can happen is for each, both, either of you to try and use your children to get even with each other for causing hurt. Neither one of you is hurting the other one worse than you are hurting. Neither one of you has the greatest load of blame in this. You are both doing the best you know how, not the best you can, because doing better and best is a matter of learning. A counselor can help you learn. Again, neither one of you is worse than the other, and neither one is better than the other. Most of us have a bad tendency of overloading ourselves with guilt, and popping tires from an overload makes for a real rough ride.

[Guest JeepGirl90]

Thank you everyone for your support.

I honestly have offered for her to see my therapist, however she was not willing to do so. However, One thing I do know is I have little to no chance of repairing the damage caused even by me coming out to her. So even if I did not transition I feel I would be in the same situation with her at this point so, I'm pretty sure its a no win situation.

-Christina

[Guest Mia J]

I am sorry to hear about your problems with your family Christina. This can be so painful for everyone involved. To make this work both parties must at least make an effort. When all fails it is just sometimes best to move on in a way that does not harm. Please feel free to vent or talk here anytime. You have many others here who have or are going through the same thing.

Mia

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Hi Christina,

As painful as it might sound to you right now you may want to consider getting a divorce. I know this is not an easy prospect to contemplate, but sometimes it really is the best for everyone.

I am divorced and it was the right thing to do for me, my ex, and my kids. My kids and I still remain very close even though they are grown now and live all over the country.

Everyone was much happier after the divorce was over.

Love.

Brenda

[Guest sophia.gentry58]

Hi Christina;

I truly do empathize with you. However, I'm not sure if you really are in a no-win situation. On the surface it seems that your spouse is not going to be happy no matter what you do since coming out to her. Yet, if she will not receive reconciliation within the marriage, then maybe through divorce she will come to having some peace and happiness in her life knowing she could not have it while staying married to you.

Sophia