Starting to notice that I might be a Non-Op Transwoman Lesbian

[Guest ENPAndrogyne]

A few weeks ago, I've discovered that perhaps I'm a non-op Transwoman Lesbian. Long story short, it was quite a journey in my life figuring out my gender identify and sexual orientation. I've always been attracted to woman, most romantically to Masculine Butch Woman. I've asked myself the question that would have I been happier if I was born female and there was defiantly lots responses to yes on that matter. I wished I wasn't an only child and add a big sister to look up too. I wished that growing up I would have joined a girls slumber party. And even a few weeks ago when going to my car from Grocery shopping, I noticed a bunch of College girls (I'm 25 myself) coming out of their car laughing, talking, having a good time. Technically anytime I see girls my age, I've away wished that I'd me one of the girls in that group and having friend like that. I've had a transwoman friend of mine who passed away and she inspired me to dye my hair and grow it out. I have my own set of make up and I told her that this is the first time in my life where I can smile and be happy that I'm me in the mirror. Never before have I every felt self love for myself. Though I still have a bit of fear wearing make up in public which I really want to face. I live in a rough low income neighborhood and even my mother who lives in the same neighborhood as much as I love her and she does me, she doesn't seem very supportive of my gender identify. When me and her are out and about, there has been moments were people have called me she, lady, your daughter which I found incredibly flattering, generous and very glad and happy. She on the other hand gave the person who said that a dirty look and she overdoes things like "Your my boy, your a fine young man" which really angers me. So I just tell her politely not to do that. As for dating, I've never been in a relationship before and I'd love to go visit a Lesbian bar or something of Lesbian culture but I fear of rejection as they'd look at me negatively as if I didn't belong. My transwoman friend was lesbian and she told me that it was quite a struggle but this was before I discovered that I was myself. Any suggestions? And also to mention my decision on Non-op, I fear surgery and don't think it's right for me. I would like to however look into possibilities for mormones and perhaps diets to help me a little more get into my perfect body. I'm a little chubby but not too overweight, I do get regular exercize and am quite active. Plus all my life, I've got a breast like chest. I'd like to explore hormones but I've heard that i should loose weight first and I kind of worry a little bit about if it will effect my voice a lot. I for the most part already have a natual high pitched voice and one of the things I like doing is voice impersionations and so I kind of worry about that a little bit. Sorry that this post is a bit legnthy but I had a lot on my mind and I needed an outlit with like minded people to relate too.

[VickySGV]

You have a lot on your plate there, but the story is pretty common here and we do understand it. It is too early for you to even begin to put in your final decision on who or what you will be. Check out this group, since they are somewhat neighbors http://www.prideri.com/ and may have ways you can meet people who are somewhat like you. You say you would like to be an activist, and they are there for that angle.

Your mom thinks she is being nice and motherly, but I have a full story for parents on that little issue entitled "It Don't Work That Way", but it is a couple of years from being finished, but get out, get connected, and things will work out.

[Guest ENPAndrogyne]

Thanks for the information. I've went to a RI Transgender support group meeting years ago but I didn't feel it helped me such. I guess what I'd like to do soon is start going on dates. I'm 25 and I haven't been in a romantic relationship or even a simple date before so it's still kind of new but I know in my heart there's someone for me out there.