Need some coming out advice

[Guest LadySophia]

I've been really moving forward with my transition over the last few months, my mom, sister, and dad know and are supportive(not so much my dad). A really good friend of mine also knows and is so great about it, helping me every step of the way. But I hate that she has to lie to cover up my secret. I have 4 guy friends, I've known them all since we were around 9, and a couple more girl friends, and were all a kinda close group.

I am almost full time at home, have been going to my GT, am on anti androgens, and hope to be on hormones soon, my goal is to go to school next year as Sophia. It may be tough to do so but I'm making strides in the right direction. But this one thing scares me. Coming out to my four guy friends, I don't know how to do it. It really scares me, I'd hate to lose these friends I've had for awhile. My other friend that knows thinks the girls will be supportive, but she's not sure how the guys will.

I am just wondering if anyone has any advice how to come out to them, what the best way to do it is, etc?

Sophia

[Carolyn Marie]

It's hard to give advice on something so personal, Sophia. Perhaps an e-mail to all four at the same time, with a lot of explanations and information included, and something about how much their friendship meant to you over the years. I would be open to any reasonable questions from them, and maybe a link or two to some information web sites to end with.

It's never an easy thing to do. I dreaded telling my two best friends. I didn't want to lose them, either. I told both in person, one at a time over lunch. But that's always been the way I've approached this. I'm not a social media type. It was hard for them to understand, but they accepted me, and have treated me great.

I hope your situation comes out as well. I wish you luck.

Carolyn Marie

[Guest meagan]

I have been on a coming out binge lately. I have been scared every time I went to sit down with a person or people. It does suck to have the fear in your head gnawing at you. But in the end I just said what I had to say. Choosing who to come out to at what time. The fear was there every time but I just had to say what needed saying. For me, the fear was less of an issue in the over all when compared to continuing to hide and cower. That was driving me nuts more than anything and I do not want to go nuts. The last two people I had to tell were my "to do" last night. Both friends were great about it and I feel soooo much relief. Out to over 100 people and only 1 friend is not cool about it so i think I did really really well.

[Guest LizMarie]

The fear doesn't seem to go away. The confidence grows and there's always a risk that someone will react negatively. But that's not your fault at all.

All you can do is be honest with someone. How they react is up to them. I hope however you choose to come out to them works for you.

[Guest]

Sophia, your thread prompted me to remember back three years ago to my days too. Wow! Over the top fear. Will they tar and feather me, then run me out of town on a rail. Not at all. I can't even remember one close person that rejected me. That and I made many new friends too. I just use my charm to disarm and love people back as much as I'm loved. That is a way different personallity than my old him ever had. I will never trade my new life for old.

Family on the other hand, not so good. My parents are nearing the century mark. They resist all change. My mother annoyingly can't remember my name most of the time and I won't acknowlege his name to anyone anymore. My dad, buries his head in the TV set watching sports and never calls me either name. Going there now, is always uncomfortable for my kids and me. My sister won't have anything to do with me. Gratefully she lives many states away and has little real impact on my life. It is just sad and hurtful that other people share my joy of life and family tear me down at every opportunity. Sad, but so what.

I don't know anyone that starts our journey and says, oh, this is a cake walk. But throughout, our fears are so much bigger than the reality of our problems. I do wish you a smooth climb and few potholes along the way. You know the real you. It is not a bad thing to let them know who you really are. I wish you many understanding friends and family. Hug. JodyAnn

[Guest nomnomnom]

I wouldn't worry too much. If they're genuine friends, they will accept it because they want you as a friend, otherwise, will you really lose 'friends'??

if you're coming out at school soon enough then it won't make any difference but to make your friends feel included and honoured to be told earlier on in the peace.

[Charlize]

I certainly faced the same fears. Eventually i called the friends who i most cared about and talked to them. I didn't want them to think i didn't care enough to tell them. i was afraid they would hear through the grapevine before i could tell them. That happened by accident to a gay cousin and she was upset with me because her brother had found out before she did. Its hard but for me it was best to stand up to the plate and take it like a girl. We are all different.

Hugs,

Charlie